Today, I finally finished shopping for clothes for CNY.
I never found it SOOOO stressful to shop before.
Suddenly decided to go shopping in the middle of tutorial today and pulled liz along.
It was great fun though :)

CONGRATS TO BIG LOKE FOR COMPLETING YOUR EXAMS!!! :)
it was actually yesterday but I didn't manage to blog yesterday.

On my way home I was listening to some chinese pop song thing.
It was from the ONLY chinese CD I ever bought (I think).
I bought it only cause this singer sang really nice songs. duh.
I love the lyrics to chinese love songs you know?
They are so unlike english love songs.
They don't make women sound like some sex object.
It's the kind of songs that make you smile cause they sing of a pure kind of love so it makes you feel warm inside.
And you must be wondering how I even manage to understand what they are singing about right...
I'm not that bad in chinese. And this singer sings in th simpler kind of chinese I think. Not like jay chou.

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time,even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca - age 8

Watched 27 dresses.
VERY NICE:)
I love my chick flicks.

CHINESE NEW YEAR IS COMING!!!
Things I like about CNY:
1. ANG PAOS. WHO doesn't love them. other than those who have to give them.
2. NEW CLOTHES. that reminds me. I have to get down to buying them. This is so strange. I have a reason to shop and I don't feel like shopping. Maybe it's the rebellion thing. You only want to do something when you cannot.
3. Seeing everyone dressed up so pretty and seeing people that I only see once a year
4. Steamboats. THEY ARE DELICIOUS. I love my grandaunt's chilli. simply divine.
5. Pig's liver. yes. It is the ONLY pig inert I ever eat. I don't know why I love it. I know ppl usually don't like it. But I love it. And it helps me bring up my low iron content in my blood or something.

Things I don't like about CNY:
1. The weather which always seems to be hot hot hot hot hot hot and hot.
2. When we have to take the bus. I liked last year's CNY much cause daddy had Uncle Eric's car and we didn't have to take the bus. That was great. It made visitation less tiring and I could actually be genuinely sincere about my visiting them.
3. My favourite granduncle's not here anymore :( He's the first house we visit every CNY. This CNY's going to be different....

I can't belong
To anybody else right now
Though it is not much of an excuse
I can't belong
To anybody else when I've got
So much figuring out to do...

1 Minute of my life was just wasted on two blobs.
Don't even start thinking about how scientifically incorrect this clip is.
How methane is ever even remotely possibly as light as helium.
'ZOOP!' another minute of your life is wasted cause of two blobs.

I wanted to join the "I Secretly Want To Punch Slow Walking People In The Back Of The Head" group on facebook.
Because sometimes they really are so freaking annoying. and then some of them have to add to the JAM by stopping in the middle of nowhere and then when you walk into them accidentally cause IN THE FIRST PLACE, they were the ones who just suddenly halted in the middle of the road, they look at you like you just did the most unforgivable sin and should burn to death.
BUT in the first place, WHO WAS THE ONE WHO WALK SO SLOW AND THEN SUDDENLY STOP? THIS IS NOT YOUR ROAD OK?

yes. I really don't like ppl like that. BUT, I remembered I have a certain friend who walks two NUS tiles in one step. And when I walk in my strolling pace, she says I walk too fast. We took 15 minutes to walk from our lab to the canteen which usually only takes at most 5 minutes at a usual pace.

and so, I cannot join the group because honestly, even though I don't really fancy the GREAT majority of people who walk like their legs are tied together, I cannot join the group cause I don't feel that way about ALL of them.

sigh. such loyalty.

I'm really really glad I went for prayer meeting today.
I actually didn't plan to go if Jia didn't go.
But I did in the end and I'm glad I did.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.- Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.- Matthew 6:33 (New International Version)

The two verses that was brought up during the prayer meeting.
Verses I know but have forgotten somehow.


Lord I come before Your throne,
As a child who is Yours alone.
I lift my hands as a child would do
To my Father the almighty one...- Adapted from Your Child by Alan Tay

I typed a whole lot of things but I realized that nothing really made much sense.
So I deleted everything.

I went out for dinner with Lydia today..
And with YS and Joel.
I haven't had dinner with her like that for I don't know how long.
The only time we have dinner together is when it is a family dinner.
I really enjoyed it though. It's nice when sisters can really feel like sisters.
I hope the next time comes soon.
I hope I don't have to keep thinking of reasons to have dinner with her.
I hope I can just ask her out for dinner just because.

Today is a day that will go down in history.
It is THE day.

I left the house after CG at 10.30pm to go for drinks with the CG ppl.
And mummy stands at the door and says........BYE!
SHE LET ME OUT HALF AN HOUR BEFORE THE TIME I'M SUPPOSE TO BE HOME?!?!?!

cool.

I sit and stare at my phone and shijia joins me.
11.15pm jia asks: your mummy calling you yet? I answer awkwardly: no.
11.30pm We proudly conclude.... mummy's not going to call :)

I am an adult = my parents don't care about me anymore.
Isn't that suppose to happen AFTER I get married?

But it did feel good to be out and not turn into an orange mushy pumpkin once the clock struck 11. :)

ON ANOTHER NOTE,
It was farewell for sumit from our CG.


We will miss you but we will see each other soon again! There is skype, and MSN, and SIA :) hahaha... take care Nag!

I really enjoyed playing for service today.
And I remember enjoying rehearsal too.
I never want to let go of this feeling.
The joy that comes from listening to what comes out, knowing it isn't by my might nor my ability...
Even though I may be imperfect, unworthy and small, I don't have to prove myself capable before God uses me :)

"Trials test my limits
my heart is broken and blue
but in the midst of all my pain
I stand in awe of You."

stuff that only happen in fairytales and drama serials are DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!

pout.

I give up. Everything's up to You now.

I'm lost so find me, Jesus.

All these years I've been moving along
without a worry, feeling strong
Everything has fallen into place
No need for wrinkling up my face
It seemed like everything was planned
and I was lead by God's great hand
My path was straight and I was blessed
but now I'm in a great big mess

The doors are closed, the roads are blocked
Time is falling off the clock
I'm staring straight at the crossroads now
Show me Lord cause I don't know how
What's your plan Lord? I cry.
but nothing falls, my eyes are dry
My mind is filled with worries to the brim
My heart reminds me to always trust in Him

Lord, You've brought me this far
And now it seems its not where You are
the circumstances are against my dreams.

and now show me Your will
And guide me, lead me till
I know for sure what You've planned for me

I'm lost so find me, Jesus.

entry of thoughts.

Warning: the below is pure babbling.

today I had mentoring session with Grace and she was asking me about things I never even thought about.
Starting the new year was just starting another year for me.
Grace was asking me about what I planned to do in ministry in the year ahead and about what my theme for the year ahead is.
I really don't know.
Ministry? Can't I just do what I've been doing? what is there to think about.
But then, Grace pointed out to me that God may have other plans and I may have to move out of my comfort zone.
THEME FOR THE YEAR?!?!?! what?
sigh.
I'm so disorganized.
I went through the whole of last year without a theme.
Maybe tts why it was so bad.

Then she told me about this friend who went to UQ to do psych and how they didnt recognise her degree because it was just a 3 year course.
And so I might just have to do honors year.
AND I feel like I'm going to die cause if I do, that means I have to do 4 level4 modules which will just suck the life out of me the next two semesters and I don't even know if by the end of the year I'll even have anymore life left in me to do masters.
THIS IS MY SCREWED UP LIFE.
I never check things properly.
AMELIA, how can you be so careless. HUH? HUH?

Then we talked a bit about what has been happening at home.
And we talked about love.
Its so hard to love you know?
Sometimes when ppl get on your nerves you just cannot love.
I keep telling my kids to love their enemies but its so hard when you yourself have to act on what you preach.
And then I just decide to be indifferent.
But then, I remember someone saying the opposite of love isnt hate, its indifference.
Life's so hard.

I felt really unloved.
Something happened today that made me feel very upset about who I am and about what I have become.
Why do I have the desire to be liked by all human kind?
Being loved by God should be more than enough.
But it seems that it isnt.
And then I hate myself for caring so much and being overly sensitive about things.
SO WHAT if you ignore me
SO WHAT if you make me feel like I'm scum
SO WHAT if you pretend I don't even exist.
sigh.
as if.

I really don't like the things that are happening to me. I want to be a wishing star. not a falling star.

I was trying to print some photos for a project that our CG's doing for our special member who is flying soon and....



sigh.
Sumit. How much longer do you want to deny that you are indian.
ALL EVIDENCES point otherwise.

I got my new chest of drawers and a toilet mirror/cupboard...
yay!
My toilet looks MUCH neater.
My room still needs to be tidied up.
I'll do that tmw.

Went to school today and it was raining super heavily.
I was lugging a whole stack of books and coursepacks.. not fun.
It was nice to sit in the canteen and just talk mindlessly though...
not having to worry about class..
I saw a VERY cute ang moh in the canteen. *blush*
I love school :) heh.
poor daryl had class till 8pm.
But it was probably fun.
Learning language is always fun.

Went for dinner with deathspyke today to look for presents.
Daddy's birthday's tmw.
Kelvin's birthday's on the 17th
David's birthday's on the 21st.
SO MANY CANZ.
haha.
It was fun as we brainstormed on what to get.
po chai pills and feng you topped my list.
But deathspyke, the quality control manager said no.
oh well.

I miss 4B3.
looking at the recent class gathering photos made me miss them even more.
I always miss class gatherings.
sigh.
oh well.


Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Sometimes I wish...

Sometimes I wish that I was a rich man's long lost daughter
Other times I wish that I lived a simple life in a far away village
Sometimes I wish that I was smart, rich and famous
Other times I wish I had the mind of a child, free of the worries of the world
Sometimes I wish that I had many friends to boast about
Other times I wish for just that one friend whom I know I can count on for sure
Sometimes I wish to be so busy living my life to the fullest
Other times I just want a moment of silence and retreat from the chaos
Sometimes I wish I could have all that I wish for
But most of all I wish to be content with what I have...

Another sleepless night

Before, I would toss in turn in bed on a sleepless night.
During my bible study on Esther, I've learnt how God uses sleepless nights.
How God made the King realize the works Mordecai did, during one sleepless night.

This sleepless night, so many things cloud my mind.
I started my usual tossing and turning,
but soon got up and plugged into my keyboard, kara.
This sleepless night started out with me feeling a little down, a little lonely, a little cold, a little weary.
A little touch from God through beautiful lyrics...

In Your presence is fullness of joy.
There is nothing, there is no one who compares with You
I take pleasure in worshiping You, Lord...

My dark night turned into a night where I once again experienced God's love, comfort, joy, and peace.

God sent the little stars to brighten up the vast dark night sky. It isn't the strength of the star that determines its brightness, but how willing the star is to shine...

For once I shall indulge myself in post on what I love the most...
SHOPPING!
I love maxi dresses, all flowy and loooong and elegant.





How can anyone not love maxi dresses...

Quote of the day: Eat less Shop more!

I told mummy today about my weird dream:

Me: Mom, I had the weirdest dream.. I dreamt that I was working at Shu and I was pregnant while working.
Mom: That's TRAGIC! You are pregnant means you are married already.. and you are still working! You shouldn't be working after you get married. That's what husbands do.

And then I wonder once again WHY I'm studying so hard if I should not be working after I get married.

Joseph just told me that his friend earns $30 an hour working as a coach.
He goes around giving abstinence talks.
HOW ON EARTH....
You don't even need a degree to give those talks!

man: hey kids! Don't have sex before marriage ok?
*chi ching!*
bank account: +$30.

The very foundation of the phrase:"life is unfair."

My Great God.

Today, I decided to go for morning service which was super duper early.
And I was glad I did.
The downright traditional way of the service was really refreshing and the organ and piano combination never felt so perfect and fitting to a service for royalty.
The majestic oomph of the organs always moves my tiny little heart somehow :)
An uncle I haven't talked to for a really really long time came up to me today to speak a blessing unto me and I felt really really blessed to know that there are people whom I do not even know of that are looking out for me and praying for me.

I ended the day in a way that can never be better...
Looking up to the creation of God that I have always been in awe of; the stars.
Just standing there and seeing the star filled skies made me feel happy, contented, blessed.
The same hands that made those wonderful stars made me.
I don't know how else to express what I feel inside except to say that I love You, God.
I love You for everything You have blessed me with.
And if ever I feel discouraged, if ever I feel sad,
if ever I feel down or upset,
all I need to do is to gaze up at your glorious creation and know...
The same hands that created the stars and the universe created me.
The same God that has power over all loves the little me.
:)

ps: I made english carrot cake. If you want a share, drop a msg :)

5 random facts of the day
1. I spent the whole day in bed with my laptop
2. I am immune to the emotional scenes of korean drama due to an overdose. I don't feel anymore.
3. Lydia didn't tell me yangshen was coming over and so he saw me in my winnie the pooh pjs which I ONLY wear once in a VERY blue moon and it HAD to be last night. sigh.
4. I want to work.
5. Today, I put it all on the palm of my hand and blew it all away...

[edit]:someone said I sound like I'm in love.
Disclaimer: I am not.

What do you think I am?
A fool? And idiot?
Why can't you trust me more.
Do I look that dumb to you?

Lord, I'm tired. Sustain me.
Lord, I'm hurt. Take the pain away.
Lord, I'm heartbroken. Take the tears away.
Lord, my head hurts. Take me away from this place.
I can bear it no more.
I don't want to cry anymore.

I packed my whole room today and I'm so proud of myself.
I wish I didn't take so fast then I would have stuff to do for the next few days.
Maybe I'll reorganize my bookcase or something tmw.
The hols are getting a tad bit boring.
I'm starting to wish school would start soon.
Maybe its because I didn't work this hols.
sigh.

My last semester, please come soon.
I'm starting to grow all mouldy and old.

[edit]: THANK YOU DEATHSPYKE FOR THE ORGANIZER!! its so pretty :) I'll treasure it for the whole long year.. hahahaha.. and the next year and the next and the next.... :)

Its the first day of the new year and I was going to write a really nice reflective post to start off the year.
BUT, something else came up and I just had to blog about it.
AND, I think you would have read enough reflective auld lang syne posts.

anyway,
yesterday, I went for watchnight service and after that I hung out with my CG.
I told my mom I would be staying over and jia's but we didn't manage to leave mark's house till 6am this morning.
So we had breakfast and then I came home.
My dad was the one who greeted me when I stepped into the house
everyone else was still asleep.
I was expecting a loooong interview and maybe a bit of like: you should try not to stay out too often. cause I've been away from home quite a bit.
BUT INSTEAD, this is what happened.

me: Hi dad.
dad: hi. You went for the countdown isit? You didn't sleep the whole night isit?
me: no, I didn't go for the countdown. I just went for watchnight den hung out with my CG. Countdown would have been too crowded. I don't really like crowded places.
dad: oh. ok. So you didn't sleep la. ok. rest.

MY DAD DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME ANYMORE!!!!!

HOW CAN.
dad, you should have scolded me for staying out the whole night and only coming home at 8am in the morning.
I think he really thinks I'm an adult already.
:( I'm not. I'm still a little girl.
*nudges dad* next time, scold me for staying out so late k? thanks.