This week has been crazy.
K has been teething and that meant sleepless nights.
She wakes up sleepy but cranky because of all the discomfort from the tiny teeth that are trying to push out of her gums.
It all started on Saturday night where we were kept awake from about 4am all the way till around 6 in the morning trying to put the sleepy but uncomfortable baby to bed.
Sunday night was pretty much a repeat version of the previous night.
I had PPRSC meeting Monday night which lasted till 12am and I only got to bed past 1am...
But thank God she was back to sleeping through the night till 9 the next morning so I managed to get a decent amount of sleep.
After a couple of days of rest, the whole thing started again.
K now has two tiny bottom teeth but I think the top two are trying to push their way out too so that means that till they come, we won't be having much shut eye.
It is particularly difficult too because I am trying to wean off pumping at the same time.
That means perpetually full breasts which is really quite uncomfortable..
And that means low quality sleep.
Also, the crazy mood swings from all the hormonal changes.. pfft.
I have been pumping since the 3rd day after K came.
I have battled engorgement and low supply and managed to finally pump enough to even have extra every day to store.
I decided to wean off pumping at 6 months because I want my body back.
Breastfeeding (whether you latch on or pump) means that your boobs never feel like your boobs.
They are sore all the time and I just feel like a milk machine.
I have been wearing breast pads for more than half a year and my wardrobe choices have been limited to tops and dresses that allow easy boob access.
I want to be able to sleep through the night and not be woken up at 2 or 6am in the morning by the pain from the milk in my breasts.
I want to be able to wear anything I want.
I want my life back.
I struggle with the guilt of not giving my baby breastmilk every single day.
Each time my milk supply drops from me dropping pumps, I feel the guilt and consider again if I should go back to pumping.
In fact, I am thinking about it at this point in time.
But K will be just fine with formula.
I was formula fed from the day 5 and I turned out fine!
Q was formula fed from day 1 and he turned out fine!
Also, she is eating solids now and the amount of milk she needs every day is much less.
So, it's time I got my life back.
I know it won't be 100% the same as before K and that is fine.
But I want to feel normal again.
Friday, November 7, 2014
Friday, October 31, 2014
K is 6 months!
Time flies too quickly!
I cannot believe that it has been half a year since I have become a mom.
The last post, I was still waiting for K to arrive..
I need to start recounting what happened so that I don't forget it..
Well, she came at 39 weeks and 3 days reluctantly.
I say that because I was well on my way to a natural birth (with epidural of course. Why would I put myself in pain for no reason.), after we reached 8cm dilation, I stopped.
After 2 hours of no progress and K's heartbeat showing signs of distress, the doctor ordered an emergency C-section.
So my epidural was pumped up and I was wheeled into the operating theatre.
After a very short 5 minutes of what felt like tugging and pulling, I heard a baby cry.
K was out!
I gripped Q's hand so hard in excitement and relief and grinned up at him in pure satisfaction that it was all done.
After the nurse weighed her and cleaned her a little, they lay her on my chest and for the first time, I saw K's sleepy, slimy face.
Newborns are really very grimy.
Then the nurse told me to KISS her before she took her away.
WHAT? I love my daughter and all but kiss her when she is still coated in amniotic fluid? Ewwww.....
But the nurse wasn't budging till I planted my lips on the little ball of goo.
So, I reluctantly gave a tiny peck on K's forehead so that the nurse could whisk her away for a proper cleaning.
It was finished.
After 39 weeks of growing our little offspring, she is here and my work is done.
I wish.
The recovery journey after a C-section was rough for the first week.
For the first 3 days, I was afraid to cough or sneeze or laugh.
Thank God I didn't have to do any of those things.
On the 4th day, I had the scariest poop session of my life.
I was so thankful that the painkillers made my poop super watery so I didn't have to push that hard.
But after the first week, I felt pretty much like normal again (save the water retention and the engorgement and pain that came with breastfeeding).
Caring for a newborn was VERY TIRING.
The first 3 months went by like a blur.
It was a blur not because it passed really quickly, (in fact it crawled by so slowly I wanted to scratch my eyeballs out after 6 weeks) but because we were so sleep deprived I don't remember much of it.
I tried to breastfeed. I really did.
I remember gripping Q's hand and crying in pain while I breastfed K because my nipples were so torn and blistered.
I remember having fever after fever because of all the engorgement and the infections.
After 6 weeks of trying, I gave up.
I started pumping and feeding K by the bottle. And whatever I couldn't produce, we supplemented with formula.
It was the best decision I ever made.
I was no longer in pain and I could still give K whatever breastmilk I could produce.
At about 10 weeks, I started to produce enough breastmilk and we no longer needed to supplement with formula.
It was tiring to have to juggle pumping and caring for the baby on my own when Q went back to work full time but it was much better than having to endure the pain of actual breastfeeding.
Also because we knew exactly how much K was drinking, it allowed us to keep a good schedule of feeding a set amount at a set time.
At exactly 12 weeks, our angel baby slept through the night.
12 glorious hours.
I still woke up in the middle of the night to pump but at least that was only for half an hour and I could go straight back to sleep.
Now at 6 months, she is sleeping 13-14 hours a night with 2 naps in the day.
We started solids and that has brought on a whole set of other issues...
constipation (because she refuses to drink water), messy eating, burnt pots (from me forgetting I was steaming something)...
But taking care of a 6 month old is much more enjoyable now.
With a more stable schedule and being able to read her cues better, we have an easier time and I can even get all the housework done.
If I had to name the top 3 things I have learnt in the past 6 months....
1. Vanish power O2 is the best at removing poop stains and should be in every mom's laundry cabinet.
2. There are so many things that you can plan for and decide you want to do but when it comes down to crunch time, be ready to throw your plans out the window for something more practical to save your sanity.
3. Being a first time mom doesn't just mean you have a kid. People start having all sorts of expectations for you. But just be yourself and do the best that you can. And as long as everything you do is for the good of the baby, you'll be okay. And remember to tell all those nosy parkers to go stick their noses elsewhere.
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I cannot believe that it has been half a year since I have become a mom.
The last post, I was still waiting for K to arrive..
I need to start recounting what happened so that I don't forget it..
Well, she came at 39 weeks and 3 days reluctantly.
I say that because I was well on my way to a natural birth (with epidural of course. Why would I put myself in pain for no reason.), after we reached 8cm dilation, I stopped.
After 2 hours of no progress and K's heartbeat showing signs of distress, the doctor ordered an emergency C-section.
So my epidural was pumped up and I was wheeled into the operating theatre.
After a very short 5 minutes of what felt like tugging and pulling, I heard a baby cry.
K was out!
I gripped Q's hand so hard in excitement and relief and grinned up at him in pure satisfaction that it was all done.
After the nurse weighed her and cleaned her a little, they lay her on my chest and for the first time, I saw K's sleepy, slimy face.
Newborns are really very grimy.
Then the nurse told me to KISS her before she took her away.
WHAT? I love my daughter and all but kiss her when she is still coated in amniotic fluid? Ewwww.....
But the nurse wasn't budging till I planted my lips on the little ball of goo.
So, I reluctantly gave a tiny peck on K's forehead so that the nurse could whisk her away for a proper cleaning.
It was finished.
After 39 weeks of growing our little offspring, she is here and my work is done.
I wish.
The recovery journey after a C-section was rough for the first week.
For the first 3 days, I was afraid to cough or sneeze or laugh.
Thank God I didn't have to do any of those things.
On the 4th day, I had the scariest poop session of my life.
I was so thankful that the painkillers made my poop super watery so I didn't have to push that hard.
But after the first week, I felt pretty much like normal again (save the water retention and the engorgement and pain that came with breastfeeding).
Caring for a newborn was VERY TIRING.
The first 3 months went by like a blur.
It was a blur not because it passed really quickly, (in fact it crawled by so slowly I wanted to scratch my eyeballs out after 6 weeks) but because we were so sleep deprived I don't remember much of it.
I tried to breastfeed. I really did.
I remember gripping Q's hand and crying in pain while I breastfed K because my nipples were so torn and blistered.
I remember having fever after fever because of all the engorgement and the infections.
After 6 weeks of trying, I gave up.
I started pumping and feeding K by the bottle. And whatever I couldn't produce, we supplemented with formula.
It was the best decision I ever made.
I was no longer in pain and I could still give K whatever breastmilk I could produce.
At about 10 weeks, I started to produce enough breastmilk and we no longer needed to supplement with formula.
It was tiring to have to juggle pumping and caring for the baby on my own when Q went back to work full time but it was much better than having to endure the pain of actual breastfeeding.
Also because we knew exactly how much K was drinking, it allowed us to keep a good schedule of feeding a set amount at a set time.
At exactly 12 weeks, our angel baby slept through the night.
12 glorious hours.
I still woke up in the middle of the night to pump but at least that was only for half an hour and I could go straight back to sleep.
Now at 6 months, she is sleeping 13-14 hours a night with 2 naps in the day.
We started solids and that has brought on a whole set of other issues...
constipation (because she refuses to drink water), messy eating, burnt pots (from me forgetting I was steaming something)...
But taking care of a 6 month old is much more enjoyable now.
With a more stable schedule and being able to read her cues better, we have an easier time and I can even get all the housework done.
If I had to name the top 3 things I have learnt in the past 6 months....
1. Vanish power O2 is the best at removing poop stains and should be in every mom's laundry cabinet.
2. There are so many things that you can plan for and decide you want to do but when it comes down to crunch time, be ready to throw your plans out the window for something more practical to save your sanity.
3. Being a first time mom doesn't just mean you have a kid. People start having all sorts of expectations for you. But just be yourself and do the best that you can. And as long as everything you do is for the good of the baby, you'll be okay. And remember to tell all those nosy parkers to go stick their noses elsewhere.
Monday, April 7, 2014
36 weeks
We just passed 36 weeks and are on to the 37th week of the pregnancy.
Just had a scan this morning and the doctor said she is head down, in birth position!
This is such a relief because just 2 weeks ago she was breeched and we were looking at a possible caesarian.
This has been such a long and lesson filled journey.
I have learnt so many times during the past 36+ weeks that there are so many things that are out of my control.
I have learnt to rely on the strength from God and to lean in and pray whenever I start to feel overwhelmed.
I am really excited that I will be able to meet my little girl within the next month :)
Savouring every moment I feel her wriggling inside now because these are the final few weeks I am so close to her but do not need to deal with diapers and feeds and cries yet :)
Just had a scan this morning and the doctor said she is head down, in birth position!
This is such a relief because just 2 weeks ago she was breeched and we were looking at a possible caesarian.
This has been such a long and lesson filled journey.
I have learnt so many times during the past 36+ weeks that there are so many things that are out of my control.
I have learnt to rely on the strength from God and to lean in and pray whenever I start to feel overwhelmed.
I am really excited that I will be able to meet my little girl within the next month :)
Savouring every moment I feel her wriggling inside now because these are the final few weeks I am so close to her but do not need to deal with diapers and feeds and cries yet :)
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