Decision to leave.

WARNING: A whole lot of words ahead. May cause headaches. Please consult your physician if you feel unwell.

I need to learn to slow down and take my time in making decisions.
Twice this first half the year, I have allowed myself let my feelings influence my decisions.
One of them is turning out to be a wrong decision.
Although I have to admit that I asked for it, making that decision the way I did.

I know I'm being annoyingly cryptic..
so I will stop being cryptic.
ready?
GO.

In about one and a half months, I am going to be jobless..
It was suppose to be in 2 weeks but long story short, I can't leave so soon and it's one and a half months now.
So the wrong decision I made is the decision to join this company.
I have learnt A LOT and I have experienced A LOT.
but it was still the wrong decision.
You have to admit that when you compare working with children with working with sexually troubled men, it seems almost an obvious choice..
I always told myself that I would rather have a job in which I am out and about than desk-bound..
But I guess I wasn't totally ready for what I face every day of the week when working in this field:
Cleaning snot, acting totally cool when the kid sprays his/her saliva all over your face when he/she sneezed right at it, being totally calm about it when they pee or poo on the floor and start to play with it, not reacting when the kick pinches, punches, kicks or bites you, changing a diarrhea filled diaper, wiping butts, letting the kid touch you after they have played with the same part of the body they use to pee, staying totally expressionless when the kid suddenly screams/shouts into your ear to get a reaction from you, pretend nothing is happening when he/she cries their head off...
the list goes on..

After this, part of me is actually opening up to the idea of sitting in front of the computer every day :P

maybe I am giving up too easily with this job.
resigning because I'm burnt out,
because I seem to work 6 days a week now instead of the usual 5.5 days
because I feel drained more often than I like now
because they eat up my Saturdays and restrict my availability for church ministry..

but, this is it.
I made a bad decision.
I have decided to not stay in it.
This decision to leave is not an easy one.
I don't like admitting I was wrong.
I don't like thinking that I am giving up on something I once told myself I could do.
I don't like admitting that I have no idea what is ahead.

But this IS it.
I was wrong.
I am not able to do this for much longer.
I have absolutely NO IDEA what is going to happen next..
BUT I am definitely taking my time with the next big decision.

horrible monday night.

Lesson of the day:
When I am both hungry AND tired, I can get VERY cranky.

Very cranky means I don't have the slightest bit of patience for anything.
It's been a pretty long evening and I'm really happy to be alone in my quiet room.
I'm not going to agree to family related obligations in the near future.
I've already had quite a lot this month...

and I think I'm breaking out in hives :(
I spotted a cluster of them on my right thigh and a few lone ones scattered on my arms and the rest of my legs..
Although I'm kinda hoping it's just mosquito bites... though it really doesn't look like it....

WORSE NIGHT EVER.

i *heart* pancake mornings

EIGHT THIRTY

I actually managed to sleep in till 8.30am this morning.
ACHIEVEMENT!
A whole 1.5 hours more than the usual!!!
I DID wake up at the usual 6.45 but that was because I stupidly forgot to cancel this morning's alarm.
but I soon went back to sleep UNTIL GLORIOUS 8.30!
Slowly, I work toward being a normal human being again.
WHEEE!

EmSee

I am going to be on MC again tmw..
Because now, I sound like a man.
During work today, my voice kept on breaking and by the end of the day I had trouble swallowing my own saliva so my mom insisted I go see a doctor.
And that's how the MC was obtained.
I have never been to the doctor so often ever before.
I remember being very stubborn and not letting anyone know even when I was terribly sick (unless it was super obvious.. like the sausage lips time)
I never went to the doctor unless it was really bad and I had no idea how to self medicate,
like the swollen lymph nodes incident where Isaiah scared me by saying that swollen lymph nodes is a symptom of cancer..
And I didn't have access to google because I was at camp so I couldn't verify the accuracy of that VERY SCARY STATEMENT..
and again, the sausage lips...
and even stumbling to school while battling hives, fainting on the bus and at the bus stop just because I had a presentation to give.
I have become a wimp.
tomorrow, I'll make full use of my MC and build up my immune system via morning 5BX.
I wake up at 7.30 anyway.
stupid body clock.

Blessed.

Today was suppose to be RUSH TTM.
9-12pm @ Pasir ris, then I have an hour and a half to get to toh tuck...
which I barely made in time,
then I was suppose to RUSH to rehearsal which actually starts at 4.30pm after which I have cell.
BUT BECAUSE OF THE MOST AMAZING PERSON IN THE WORLD,
I managed to get from toh tuck to church in 15 minutes...
I'm still trying to understand how come I have been given such a great blessing :)

I'm still really drained by such a packed day..
Rehearsal went on for really long because everyone was everywhere today..
I'm praying tomorrow will be much better..
Just sitting on my bed, I can hear my muscles sighing in great big relief.
Here's crossing my fingers hoping this hectic schedule will never repeat itself.

Bruised.

My right thigh looks like it's been through a tiny battle.
Mr Pincher went all out this afternoon and bestowed four new bruises on my right thigh, together with a nice little scratch on my left cheek and a sore cheek bone.
This weekend is pretty packed.
Two sessions tomorrow which will last till 4.30 then rehearsal in church which actually starts at 4.30..
then Cell after rehearsal..
The good thing however is that both sessions tomorrow feature my two favourite kids..
So it should be a breeze :)
I just managed to clear my paper work so I'll have the evening for a bit of leisure.
I was suppose to gym... but I'll start next week :P

Pancake

I find that every time I get busy with something (Especially work), I never put aside time to exercise.
Most of the time it's because I'm so drained by the end of the day, exercise really is the last thing on my mind.
That's why I BALLOON.
also because I always seem to need dessert after a meal now a days.
Not having something sweet leaves my taste buds restless.
I'm getting what Shing calls a pancake face.
SO I will try to exercise at least once a week....

TRY.

The attack of the ray men.

My nose is still partially blocked and it feels like there is a ball of hair in my throat.
*cough*
But yesterday was awesome.
Even though I was sniffling a whole lot,
I got to meet Shing for breakfast!
I ran off halfway to service my phone (SORRY SHING!)
but we finally managed to (sort of) have a meal together!! :)
and then I went to see Kenneth Lwi to re-do my retainers and get my teeth cleaned.
I love how clean my teeth are now :)
I've been obsessing a bit by brushing even longer than usual so that they remain this spotless.
I am going to get an electric toothbrush sometime soon because Mr Lwi says it's better and I always have trouble brushing the back of my front teeth.
See? Obsessing.
BUT THEY ARE SO NICE AND CLEAN :)
I am very happy with them.

Today, not that awesome.
The session in the morning went really smoothly
but the afternoon session was mad.
I am now bruised again from Mr Pincher :(
but at least we went early so we ended early and I could come home and stone for a bit.
and plus, The Boy is back from church camp :)

Tomorrow will be awesome.
I can feel it in my fingers and in my toes.

Flu Bug

I can't believe I have the flu when I have an off day to enjoy tomorrow!!!
I will rest tonight and GET BETTER MIRACULOUSLY BY TOMORROW.
I had this list of to-dos but I'm done with half of them..
and my supervisor sprang a surprise by requesting an assessment report of one of the kids by saturday.
the problem: I'm not going to see the kid till next week!
but I settled that and just emailed it to her an hour after she smsed me.
I probably shouldn't have.
now she'll have higher expectations..
this might make her spring a greater surprise in the future asking for a report by the next day :(
but oh well.

I managed to shift friday afternoon's session to thursday, making friday afternoon FREE! :)
HOW AWESOME IS THAT.
Very awesome I think.
I just hope I didn't just jinx it.

BEDTIME!
I need to rest this flu away.

surprise off day! :)

I HAVE AN OFF DAY THIS WEDNESDAY!
how awesome.
the morning kid is now doing afternoon sessions so I am no longer her therapist,
the afternoon kid is at church camp so the session is cancelled.
and they have NO MORE NEW KIDS FOR ME AT THE MOMENT.
so I have a whole day off! :)
which is good.
I have so many things I need to do anyway...
like go get my retainers done
and register for driving lessons.
I will make full use of wednesday.
I WILL.

Brisbane 2010

I'm back from Australia! :)
The flight there was pretty awesome.
Emirates is a great company to fly with.
I was really impressed with their in-flight entertainment..

and the food was pretty good too!

We drove to the Gold Coast on the first day and did a bit of shopping and sight seeing.
My uncle went a bit crazy with the shopping.
He bought 16 bottles of honey from the Westend markets just before heading down the Coast,
Then went on to buy 18 bottles of wine from Mount Tamborine,
and I think 5kg of Macadamia nuts..
MAD.

The adults went to Coles about twice a day to 'stock up'.
The kitchen looked like we were preparing for war or famine.
Please note the MASSIVE AMOUNT OF INSTANT NOODLES.
By the way, they bought MORE.

We stayed in this really nice villa on Chevron Island,
which is a 5 minute walk away from Surfer's Paradise, where all the stores (aka shopping places) are..

But after 5 days in GC, Leah and I were bored stiff.
We had combed every store in Surfer's P. for buys and needed new shopping outlets..
So we opted to go back to Brisbane earlier than the rest of them :)
GREAT choice, because I got to meet up with more friends for tea and supper..
The sticky date pudding at Freestyle is THE BOMB.

And of course, SHOPPING was great because they just started having sales down the whole of Queen street :)

It was GREAT to be back in Brisbane.
It felt so good to walk the streets again, meet up with friends, and see what has changed in the past 6 months..

Also got to satisfy my cravings for Domino's puffed-crust pizza.

And Taro Milk Tea!

Leah and I went a bit mad in Brisbane, buying quite a lot..
BUT, with places like DFO...

With THIS many stores to check out,

And with everything at less than 50% the original price,
HOW CAN YOU NOT BUY THESE BEAUTIFUL THINGS?

Generally, this trip was too tiring to be considered a real holiday..
I got to shop and all but I also was the tour guide so I had to be the one to ask and find out where we should head to next and how to key it into the GPS and all..
I was basically the middle man for everything..
AND my aunt brought my cousins' holiday homework along so I was kind of obligated to tuition them every night till they completed it.
Also, there was a whole lot of family drama,
A whole lot of unnecessary quarrels,
A whole lot of testing of my patience.
But I guess it's always been this way with family trips...
I've learnt a lot about my family during this trip..
about their quirks, the way they reason things out, the strange and sometimes annoying ways in which they respond to different situations, and how to get around these things that annoy me.
But having all of us in one place is really rare with Lydia studying in Australia...
I'm glad we got the chance to spend an extra couple of days as a complete family.