Surviving the first three months of being a SAHM to two

I thought I had this in the bag.
I really did.
The first few weeks were really a breeze, mostly because Q took 3 weeks off work and during those weeks we each handled one child so it didn't feel that much different from what my life was before.
The day came when Q went back to work and I was left alone at home with the two.
'Not too bad', I thought.
My parents came a few times a week in the afternoons to help entertain Katelyn and sometimes even help me with N.
So to say I was with zero help would be highly inaccurate.
I still managed to keep up with most of the housework, the laundry and even cook dinner most nights.
Everything went fine and was pretty much manageable until somewhere just before N turned 2 months.
At around 6 weeks, the baby goes through a growth spurt.
This meant increased fussiness, which in turn meant increased frustration on my part.
I was nursing every 1-2 hrs, night and day.
I was sleep deprived, N was having reflux so I was also almost always covered in vomit, and K started to feel neglected and her tantrums began.
To be honest, if I only had N to deal with it wouldn't have been this bad.
But now I also had the needs of a toddler to meet on top of the increased needs of the newborn..
I was stretched thin...
When Q came home, I would report how long I have been walking around with puke down my shirt, how many poop blowouts I had to deal with, and how long the rocking to sleep marathons were that day.
There were days I would just sit and cry for a while after Q left for work because it just felt so overwhelming.
There were days I would have K pulling at my leg screaming for attention while I was trying to rock N to sleep.
There were also days I would be in the bedroom covered in vomit and trying to clean up the vomit from the floor, only to hear the clattering of K's freshly prepared meal on the floor outside.
There were also days I would just sit on the floor, holding N in one hand and K in the other and just sob because I was at the end of my tether.
It. Was. Not. Easy.

But some things helped me through the tough months... and without them, I would have probably gone mental.. literally.

1. My Husband
I cannot express how blessed I am to have Q as my husband.
I read about husbands who don't help or think because the wife is a SAHM that she should handle the kids all the time anyway.
Q wakes up at 6.30am to help with whatever he can before he leaves for work at 8am and then comes home and 'forces' me to rest and relax.
On nights when N was being particularly fussy, he would get up and attend to the baby without any nudging from me.
There was one week when I felt absolutely overwhelmed, he took a day off and brought K out to the nearby pool for a swim.
Before he left, he even helped to rock N to sleep so I didn't even have to do that and could just sit and rest.
I can say with absolute certainty that if I didn't have Q, I wouldn't have done well at all.

2. Keeping things in perspective
It's very tough to do this.
When you are in the middle of all the chaos, it is hard to think of anything other than how overwhelming the chaos is.
But once I made it a point to remember that all this chaos is very temporary, it made things just a bit better.
I have to be honest and say it didn't make everything magically okay but it did help me to get through each day.
The mantra every new Mom is given: 'This too shall pass' never ran through my mind more than when I was in the midst of the chaos.

3. It's okay to have limitations
When both kids were screaming at the same time, I used to get so flustered.
I often just stood rooted for a moment in shock, not knowing where to start and who to help first and how to calm both of them.
One day when K was having a tantrum and I was helping her through it, N suddenly woke up midnap and started screaming.
At that moment, I couldn't leave K as she still needed my support and help so I had to try my best to ignore N's cries for a while to focus on K.
After taking that 5 minutes to calm K and settle her, I quickly got up to go attend to N.
While I walked to his room, I realised that he somehow managed to resettle himself and went back to sleep.
That was when I realised that I don't have to be a super mom, saving them immediately all the time.
Just as I am learning to be a Mom to two, they are also learning what life is like now as a new family of four.

4. Find what brings you joy
When I had K, I would guzzle chocolate because it was my way of dealing with stress and rewarding myself for getting through the day.
With N, I had to cut out dairy when he was a month old because he was super gassy so that meant no chocolate.
I couldn't even have a cup of Milo to start the day :(
It was so difficult! It felt like I was sacrificing everything to be a Mom.. I was already sleep deprived, I couldn't do things whenever I wanted to, I couldn't even have a moment to myself till Q came home and took over.
And now to add to everything, I also couldn't eat what I wanted to.
And everything I love had dairy.
I would drink a carton of milk a day.
Chocolate had dairy, ice cream had dairy, cake had dairy, cookies often also had dairy.
I also didn't have any time to do what I loved doing, housework.
It felt like nothing would bring me joy anymore.
So after wallowing in self pity for a while, I decided to find something I could have and I would enjoy...
I found a little gummy with a liquid centre that I really liked, so now there is a box in the fridge that will remain permanently filled with that gummy.
As the mantra goes: this too shall pass.
Now that N is older and his gut has matured some, I can now slowly reintroduce dairy into my diet.
I'm still on a Low dairy diet but it feels nice to have an occasional bite of cake or a nibble of chocolate again.
I also sneak in a quick wipe down here and there when the kids are settled and happy, even if I only have 2 minutes to do that.

5. Pray, pray and then pray.
I can say with absolute certainty that I have never prayed more in my entire life.
When N was colicky and couldn't be settled, you could be sure I was chanting prayer after prayer under my breath.
When K was throwing a tantrum, I would pray for wisdom to know how to handle it properly and help her.
The more tired I was, the more fervent my prayers.
I found the beauty in letting go and letting God take control.
The pressure of things going well no longer is on you.
When I learnt to trust that everything is in God's hands and that He will make things good in His time, I felt much much better.
There was also definitely a prayer with every breakthrough.
Every time the kids went down for their nap without much of a struggle, there would be a loud prayer of thanksgiving. hahaha.. Especially if their naps coincided!

So after struggling through the first three months, what do I have to say to future moms of two?
All the best. Your life is over. hahaha.. JUST KIDDING!
1. The first three months will be crazy but you will be okay. You might often smell of sour milk, have a strange yellow smear somewhere on your clothing and a wet patch where your baby's bum was just resting but it will get better. I promise.

2. Get help when you need it. When you feel you can't breathe, call someone and ask them to come in even for an hour or two.. it helps.

3. Sometimes, it will feel like you are a complete failure and you feel like crying all the time. It's normal. Know that things are constantly changing. Your newborn will not stay a newborn. They will grow more and more independent as each day, week and month passes. And even though there are ups and downs, the general trajectory is up. So one day, things will be good and you will be so high up that the downs no longer feel like much of a down (if you get what I mean..)

4. Lastly, invest in a robot vacuum. It really helps when you don't have any time to clean but your floors stay clean so you don't feel so bad you aren't getting any housework done. It is worth it.

N is now 3 months and a week.
He has fallen into somewhat of a more predictable schedule and is feeding only about once every 4 hours.
His naps are still a bit iffy but they are definitely much better than before.
I still have my bad days but they don't feel as bad any more.
I'm slowly starting to enjoy being a SAHM again and look forward to the day I can return to deep cleaning my house weekly! :)

K is two!

I can't believe K is two!
The years really fly by so quickly... I just blinked a second longer and she turned two.
I remember how distressed we were when we couldn't conceive month after month, and how very excited and happy we were when we finally conceived..
I remember how we spent months and months thinking about what to name her.
I remember Easter when Q and I were leading worship during sunrise service and I felt contractions and thought we were going to have an Easter baby.
I remember rushing to the hospital then having to stop and sit on the couch and wait for the contractions to pass and Q parked the car and got to the labor ward even before I did... hahaha..
I remember the nurse shoving K's slimy face into my face and forcing asking me to kiss her before she took her away.

Today that little bundle is a two year old toddler!
A very entertaining and lovable one.
She is also very easy to please..
This evening, we were planning to let her have a whole stick of ice cream to herself but she chose to have some cream biscuits after her porridge dinner instead.
I'm not complaining! Less mess for me to deal with! hahaha...

After much deliberation and planning and looking into venues, catering etc, we decided to scrap all our plans and not have a party at all.
We realised that K wasn't going to remember any of this.
She still doesn't understand the concept of a birthday nor a party.
In fact, every Sunday is a party for her because she gets to see and play with all her friends, sing songs and dance and eat food that I wouldn't normally allow her to eat (hahaha... FYI, it's called Sunday school).
But of course, we still wanted to celebrate the big TWO for our daughter... after all she is DOUBLE the age she was last year!
So we decided that we would celebrate it in a way she would celebrate a birthday instead of how we would this year.
K's happiest when we spend quality time with her doing things like chasing birds at the playground, swimming at Safra and playing with her toddler and baby friends.
Since N's arrival we have not been able to spend much quality time as a family and with her, so this long weekend is dedicated to just doing that.
We also planned a cake decorated with figurines of her favourite cartoon for a simple cake cutting ceremony during lifegroup where all her toddler and baby friends are from anyway.

Would we regret this decision to not have a party?
I'm not sure...
But we are definitely going to make sure she has a great weekend filled with laughter, fun, hugs, kisses, and love.

The Birth of N.

12 February 2016 will always be remembered as the day we experienced countless blessings.
The months leading up to this day have been full of anticipation, excitement and planning.
Under the recommendation of my gynae we scheduled a C-section so we knew when we were going to have N a few months before it actually happened.
Knowing when he was coming gave us a sense of control but yet there were still many things beyond our control.
When we were scheduling the surgery, we were told that the anasthetist we engaged for our last pregnancy wasn't available so we had to look for someone else.
I watched as the nurse called 3 other anasthetists before finding someone who was available that day.
I was a little nervous because it seemed like we only managed to engage her because she wasn't very popular.
Little did I know, she was part of God's plan to take care of us.

The day drew near and we got less sleep each night.
I woke up often during the night because the baby was getting heavier and kicking harder so it was more difficult and uncomfortable to sleep.
Q had his share of restless nights waking up at 2am worrying about the day of the surgery.
We decided to treat the scheduled C-section like a normal birth and kept the day of delivery a secret from our parents.
We wanted it to be a surprise like how it would be if we did vaginal birth because we foresaw that telling them would bring 4 very eager and proud grandparents to camp out in the hospital on the day of the surgery.
We decided that the best thing for K was to keep all visitors away for the first day so she wouldn't be too anxious while being introduced to N.
That meant that we had to work out child care for her between us and obviously the job fell onto Q's shoulders as I would be 'otherwise engaged'.
So the plan was for me to take a taxi to the hospital and have the surgery while Q took care of K and came with her later.
We definitely had other options like calling close friends to keep me company for the surgery but I felt it was unnecessary because other than the expected nervousness before any life change, I wasn't anxious about it at all.
I had gone through a C-section before and sort of knew what was coming.
Q on the other hand was worrying on behalf of me and was slightly perplexed at how I could be so nonchalant about having such a major procedure alone.

'And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.' -Philippians 4:7 
I had God's peace. I knew He was watching over me and that morning, He sent many many reminders.

The day started off with a very early morning wake up.
I wasn't able to fall asleep the night before till the wee hours of the morning because I was having a really bad cough (and I was trying to finish watching the last few episodes of my korean drama.. oops).
During the night, I had coughed myself sore and my chest muscles were aching from all the coughing.
I was worried that the cough would continue after the surgery and having a cough right after a C-section is the worst thing ever.
So I asked my lifegroup to pray for me and I spent a lot of the night and the morning praying too..
I woke up at 5.15am and got dressed, said goodbye to Q and headed downstairs to look for a cab.
I didn't see any cabs around so I whipped out my phone to grabtaxi one.
Being an 'aunty' I saw that there was a budget option to choose grabcar instead.
I've never used it before and thought why not? save money.
So I did that, and smsed Q the details of my ride (just in case).
I spent the ride talking to the guy about how grab car worked and how I was heading into the hospital to have the baby on my own.
He decided at the end of the ride to bless the both of us with a free ride!
I was shocked and thanked him for his kindness.
That was my first reminder from God that He was already blessing my day and with me.

I walked into the hospital to be registered and saw a handful of other couples waiting to register.
I was the only one that was there alone and found a tiny corner to sit and wait and Candy Crush ;)
The night before, I had managed to get unlimited lives for Candy Crush for 24 hrs and boy did I need that with all the waiting involved!
That I considered to be a second blessing from God :)

When it came my turn, I was told that all the single rooms were full.
I was thinking that I might end up in a double room like the last time when I had K.
I was a little worried about that because it might have an effect on K if she went into the room and saw a stranger in the next bed.. But decided we would just go with whatever was given to us.
A room is better than no room after all!
After a 20 minute long wait, they finally called for me and informed me that we had been upgraded to the premium rooms (aka the suites)!
Again, God gave me another reason to smile :)

So after arriving at my room, I prepared for surgery.
Still calm and at peace, I put on the robe and climbed onto the surgery bed and was wheeled into the room.
I quickly informed the nurses that I was having a bad cough and to let the doctor know in case.
The surgery room was really really cold.
I started shaking from the cold the moment I entered the room.
As I lay there waiting for the doctor and coughing away, I spent the time praying and asking God to continue to watch over me.
I remember my knees were shaking super violently under the covers because it was so cold and suddenly mid prayer, they stopped.
I suddenly felt very comfortably warm and the itch in my throat started to calm down.
Soon after, the anasthetist came and introduced herself and everything was a blur from there.

When I finally got back to the room, I realised that it was already 10am and I haven't coughed the slightest bit ever since the start of the surgery at 8am.
This was a miracle to me because just a few hours before I wouldn't have lasted 10 minutes without coughing!
That evening, the anasthetist I doubted dropped by to visit and explained that the nurses informed her about my cough and she gave me a morphine shot with my spinal and prescribed a painkiller that would further help me with my cough for the next few days.
I was taken aback by her attention to detail and it was clearly another amazing show of God's care for me :)

Today is day 3 and I've already gotten up and walked around more than a handful of times.
My recovery this time round is definitely faster than when I had K.
I even woke up at 5am this morning and started packing the room littered with K's toys because I felt energetic enough and my OCD self was clearly showing itself.. hahaha..
My milk came in last night and N has been nursing very well and on the whole, the breastfeeding has been easier the second time round (another reason to give thanks!)
N gave me a tiny smile after his 5am feed this morning because he finally got his first taste of milk.. hee!
It's going to just get more challenging from here on but with such a great start and so many reminders and assurances from God that He is with us right from the start, I am nothing but excited for the days ahead.

But He said to me, " My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. -2 Corinthians 12:9

My last day being pregnant.

It's the 11th of February 2016 and today is the last day I have N in my belly.
Our C-sect is scheduled for tomorrow at 8am.
It's cool to know it's the last day because then I can consciously take time to savour every last moment of being pregnant.

Tomorrow, I get to hold the mini human who made me abstained from coffee, alcohol, sashimi and half boiled eggs for 9 months.
I get to see those little hands that brush the inner walls of my womb.
I get to touch those tiny feet that have been dancing on my bladder.
I get to stroke the head that pressed against my pelvis making me waddle.
I finally get to see what N looks like!
Will he have my button nose?
Does he have Q's puppy eyes?
Is he going to be tall and lean like daddy?
Is he going to have dimples like mine or those like Q's?
Does he have hair in his head yet?

But today, I take time to savour all the lasts I have with N safe inside my womb...
My last trip to the toilet where I feel like my bladder is about to explode, only to dispel a tablespoon of pee.
The last time I have to build up momentum to roll off the bed.
My last episode of acid reflux that feels like revenge from a curry buffet even though all I had was plain fish porridge and some egg.
The last time I walk into the kitchen counter because after 9 months, I still forget I am pregnant and my belly is well, BIG.
My last waddle.
My last braxton hicks (I hate them! They always make me feel like I'm dying of hyperventilation).
The last time I carry K feeling like someone strapped two huge pillows on me.
The last time I can use my belly as an arm rest, cup rest, anything rest.
The last bladder kick from N.
The last rib kick from N.
My last belly contorting show as N moves around trying to get comfy.
The last time I only have one energetic toddler to handle....

I'm excited.
I can't wait to see N and hold his tiny perfect body in my arms.
I can't wait to see K blossom into her role as a big sister.
I can't wait to complete our family of four.
I can't wait for the chaos to begin :)

Vbac or C-sect?

As we approach the arrival of littlest Lee the biggest thing on my mind is the delivery.
 I have always wanted to have a VBAC, which is vaginal birth after C-section.
My mind was set on that because the recovery is so much faster than a repeat C-sect and when you have to handle a toddler on top of the newborn, that is very very important.
On top of that, a C-section is VERY EXPENSIVE.
The cost of the doctor, the operation, the anesthetist and the longer hospital stay can accumulate to a very hefty sum.

Sometime around 30 weeks, my doctor talked to me about my options for delivery.
I told her that I hoped for a VBAC if possible and she said because of how my last labour progressed, the chances of a repeat emergency C-section is quite high.
I was still pretty set on trying even if it was a small chance.
We started making plans of how I would call my parents to help babysit K while we had the baby and if it were to happen in the middle of the night, what would happen etc.

Just before my next visit, I had another episode of spotting.
I mentioned it during my next visit and my doctor told me that this was because I have a low lying placenta.
She also informed me that with this, my chances for a VBAC have dropped even further...
Actually it meant that my chances for a VBAC is a zero.
Vaginal birth is not an option in cases of low lying placenta as it is too risky and could result in haemorrhaging and death.
So now, we had to think about getting ready for an elective C-sect.

The logical side of me thought that this was a good thing.
We knew when we were going to have the baby and could plan our days and weeks leading up to it.
I'm planner so I thrive best in an environment where nothing is left to chance.
I can even choose the timing to go in and have the baby and make sure K is taken care of.

The emotional side of me however took some convincing.
I dread the long recovery period.
I mourned for the chance to experience a vaginal birth.
A C-sect also carries much more risks and it scares me just a little that I have to go through that again.
But as the weeks pass, I am accepting it and am ready to face whatever I need to in order to hold my little boy in my arms.

After thinking long and hard, we decided to keep the delivery date secret even though we know it because grandparents can be very kan cheong.
This also means that Q will be taking care of K as I go in on my own to have littlest Lee.
We feel that is the best, most drama free option for us and are very comfortable with it.
I think it's a blessing that I went through a C-sect with K so I know what to expect in the days to come after the surgery.
This time round, we know that recovery, rest and family bonding (Especially between K, baby and us) should be our top priorities.
Everything else can wait.... that includes housework..
The OCD side of me is still mentally prepping for a few months of living in a less than perfect house... oops.


Q has planned to be home most of the first month as I recover from the C-sect to help out with handling K.
It also helps that K is a total daddy's girl and prefers his company to mine at the moment anyway!
To be fair, a toddler would more likely choose a fun and active person to a clumsy and always tired hippo.
I am at the moment just happy to be almost done with being pregnant and excited to start this new chapter of our lives and face the challenges that come with handling two on our own!