Changing Traditions

Living in the UK is changing the way we live in more ways than one. The biggest change so far is that it has made us so much more aware of our environmental impact.

The first thing that greeted us when we got to our lodging place in our apartment was a huge poster pinned to the noticeboard at our door. It was a poster on recycling in the halls and how to sort our trash. I have always sorted our trash and recycled whatever I could but the environment here makes it so IN YOUR FACE. They provide divided bags for you to sort your recycling so that you don't even need to find your own recycling storage place, clear posters telling you exactly what goes where and even the packaging themselves have little labels that indicate what parts of the packaging you can and can't recycle. In shops and restaurants, the trash bin also often isn't simply a trash bin. Take the McDonald's trash bin for example. They even provide a place for you to throw liquids into so that they can recycle their cups.

So why is there still so much trash? The trash that litters the street is crazy and I understand now why tourists who come to Singapore always talk about how clean the streets are. There isn't a time when I don't see a pile of trash on the sidewalk here. Even the buses are filled with trash making it sometimes hard to get to the seats, clearly showing that recycling isn't enough. We need to reduce trash in general, whether or not that trash can be recycled. It's so hard, though. SO much of today's products are packaged in plastic film. I try so hard to choose items that have lesser packaging but it makes grocery shopping so depressing because often you are faced with no choice. We have been eating primarily sweet potatoes, aubergines and courgettes because those are the few things that don't come wrapped in plastic 😅. A particular article on the backlash seen from supposedly educated NUS students during the straw ban broke my heart. With reports yelling  telling us we need to change as the planet is dying, you would think more people would be concerned. I mean, people don't touch water for a month after they give birth because some aunty said the 'wind' would go into their body. Why doesn't any one seem to believe these scientists who have proper qualifications? Because of comfort? Inertia?

Earlier this week I ran a poll on Instagram asking if it would be weird to ask that whoever wanted to give gifts to my kids for Christmas and birthdays keep to second hand items. I also indicated that all new toys received would be donated to a toy charity. Only a few people voted but out of the few only 25% of people said it was weird. I talked about it with Q that night and he said some people might be offended that we donate their gifts to a charity and see us as being ungrateful. We went on to talk about how gatherings and parties always end up with a huge surplus of food and sometimes disposables. As averse as I am to social events, I do like to attend SOME parties.. He pointed out that it would be weird if I took out my reusable cutlery to use at a party and definitely if I brought my own plate 😂. I get it, I do. The question then is how do I go about being eco-friendly even when it isn't convenient without coming across as weird or worse make everyone upset and offended? I post a lot about being eco-friendly on Instagram and I'm sure some people roll their eyes whenever they see one of my posts on it. I like all the things that everyone else likes, being able to eat out, eating a good steak, drinking bubble tea, going to weekend markets and trying out all the street food, travelling, meeting up with friends whose company we enjoy, making my kids happy with new toys and definitely SHOPPING 🙆. but the question is 'Is there a more sustainable way to do this?'. Is there a more sustainable way to throw a party? Is there a more sustainable way to celebrate Christmas? Can we gift give more sustainably? At the moment I am just trying to do all the things I love but at the same time think of a more sustainable way to do it. Maybe I'll offend a few people along the way and trigger some eye rolling, but instead of sticking with 'tradition' KNOWING that it's not the right thing I want to change it and make a new tradition. I know my kids will be happy whether or not the toy is brand new from the shop because it is new to them.

K's reaction when she saw her box of second hand dolls which costed less than what one new doll would have.

N enjoying his train set that was bought second hand from a charity shop

I can still hold parties, but not end up trying to stuff a huge trash bag of paper plates and utensils into the tiny chute (side note: Have you wondered why old houses have smaller chutes?) or worrying about finishing the crazy amount of leftovers after the party. Maybe we will have fewer friends who talk to us after this. Maybe we will have no more friends and have to find new ones (I hope not! I love a lot of my friends 😚). But I can't for the sake of not offending someone ignore what is being proven and evidenced to us, especially when it greatly impacts the lives of my children. I don't want my kids and grandkids to have to face a whole lot of issues just because I was too politically correct to refuse that plastic fork or too lazy to bring my own bags to the grocery store.

The year ahead, we are on a mission to change our whole family's way of life to live more sustainably. I'm hoping that if I bring my kids up in an environment where we think about sustainability, they too will go on to make sustainable choices more naturally with their families in the future. So here's to a more sustainable traditions and a better future, starting with my first vegan burger 😋.

A VERY yummy Pulled Jackfruit Burger

We don't love each other the same way any more.

Yesterday evening as I sat across the table from Q in MacD's, I spotted a couple sitting not far from us who seemed to be on a date. I started thinking about how we started dating and where our first date was and I could not for the life of me remember 🙊 I asked Q if he remembered and he didn't either. We are such romantics 😂.

So when I came home, I started to look at my gmail hoping to find some clues. Thing is, when Q and I started dating, we had no Whatsapp (are we old? lol.)  and texting would just send our bills sky high so we spent a lot of our time chatting on gchat. I bet no one uses that now. We lived just down the road from each other but we chatted every day and night like we lived miles apart. I am actually really thankful for it because gmail saves EVERYTHING and I could show K and N the first chat we had after we got together. I showed them the record of me telling Q their grandma's reaction when I told her we were dating and how she was very happy because Q was deemed a good man since he was Teochew and had a Teochew face 😂. I spent the rest of the night just reading our chats and reliving the past.

Q and I had a very weird relationship where we were friends for a good number of years before we started to fancy each other. We spent more time talking and chatting online than doing anything else before we started dating and pretty much also after we started dating. We never went on a single one on one date together before we got together which is also why it was quite a surprise to our closest friends when we started dating 😜. Even after we got together, it was a while before we really had a proper date where it was just the two of us and THAT is most probably why we can't remember where our first date was. I do remember that our first meal after we decided to get together was a dinner at my parent's place because we had a friend visiting from the US and we didn't want him to feel alone during the CNY period.

Before marriage

After reading a few old chats, I realised that our love has definitely changed. We used to affirm each other with words A LOT. Every other sentence was something along the lines of 'You are so awesome'. We used to spend hours talking about all sorts of random things. Now our conversations are much deeper, and although we don't praise each other verbally as much, I know we still think that of the other 😉. 'You are awesome' has been replaced with quiet exchanges of thankful tired smiles when he entertains the kids while I wash the dishes, asking for second helpings of dinner and random chocolate surprises bought from the petrol station on his way home from work. 'I love you' has been also been replaced with letting me sleep in a little (actually a lot) longer in the mornings, a little linger during our goodbye kisses in the morning, and the holding of hands while waiting for the kids to finish stomping on every leaf in their path. It's a good change. The little every day exchanges that may seem mundane to others are actually us sending each other secret messages saying 'I love you' or 'I appreciate you' and 'You are awesome'.

After marriage 😂

We've only been married for a little over 6 years but I like the direction things are heading. May we never take each other for granted, and always remember and never be ashamed to still say the occasional 'You are awesome' and 'I love you' outright.

Kids and Cake.

When we moved to Manchester, one of the things we thought about was what church we would be attending. We had friends recommend churches to us but we don't have a car so we had to consider if the travel times and service times were able to fit our kids schedules. After looking at websites (church websites are SO important, guys!) and the locations, we decided to try out a church just a few bus stops down the same street.

It's a small church, no bigger than Cairnhill Methodist. Majority of the church members were Africans and there was a smaller majority of Whites. The speaker that day was African and I found out that day that the African accent is really close to the Singaporean one which actually make me feel somewhat at home. The people are all very friendly and the kids have been enjoying Sunday School. I have also come to look forward to seeing the colourful African clothing some of the older African women wear. Last week a lady in a golden head dress and shiny green dress came up to us to say hi. As she walked back to her seat, N turned to Q and whispered: 'Princess'. 😂

I found out that they ran a toddlers group on Tuesday mornings called 'Kids and Cake' and went to visit and see what it was like. One word. AMAZING. Honestly, they weren't doing anything out of the ordinary or anything really fancy. It is basically an informal meeting organized by a couple of moms with young children to provide other moms a place to hang out, have some time to chit chat, have a cuppa and some cake. But you know what stay at home moms with young kids REALLY NEED? Just that. Just a place to come and chit chat with other adults and have some hot tea or coffee WHILE IT IS STILL HOT and some cake while the kids get to play with toys that are new to them because it doesn't belong to them. During the last half an hour of the allotted 1.5 hrs we had, we kept all the toys and sat in a circle to read a bible story and sing some songs with the kids. The kids had such a nice time they didn't want to leave! Honestly I would stay there all day if I could too 😛.

One thing that particularly stood out to me was the lack of single use plastics.

The beautiful drinks station. 

Looking at the photo you would think we were having a formal conference but we weren't! There were only 10 mummies there today and it is an informal weekly drop in meeting.. you can come whenever you like from 10.30 am and leave whenever. The coffee provided was in a reusable container with a teaspoon stuck in instead of individual packets which was really useful because I think some of us like our coffee stronger while others prefer it a little weaker. If you needed stirrers, there were teaspoons or wooden sticks for when the teaspoons ran out. To be honest I felt the proper cups made the coffee tastier and made the mommies feel more taken care of. A cake was sometimes baked by a member in the church and placed in a Tupperware container (not a single use disposable box) that would be returned to them after the session was over (or probably on Sunday when they came for service if they couldn't come back to collect it). Other weeks, we would just have some biscuits to share. Although the biscuits were not homemade and not entirely waste free, they were not individually packed (A roll of biscuits in one plastic or paper packet = less waste) and if there were any leftovers, one of the mummies just took them home with them. The kids also had biscuits and fruits for a snack and a stack of kids bowls were provided for that.

N always has at least 2 servings of fruit 😂

I asked the lady in charge what they would do for a bigger function and she said it would be about the same. A few years ago they were still using disposables and single use items but the church decided to look into proper cutlery because they realised how wasteful it was when there was an increased awareness of single use plastics and waste in the UK. The church has the luxury of having their own building and they run some conferences there so it made sense to get a dishwasher for their cups and plates. When I related this to Q he said that the University catered food for the students during their welcome week and all the utensils were also proper reusable utensils with proper plates. LOVE.

Now that Singapore is also increasing awareness of the environmental impact of the waste we generate (not just plastic) are we doing anything about it or are we just brushing it off and saying it's just one straw, one plastic fork or one paper plate? Are we mindful of the amount of trash we generate at parties and gatherings just because we don't like to wash up after ourselves? How many times have we run functions for fewer people and just pulled out our disposables? I just went for a small birthday gathering last week where there were 8 people and they used disposables. Are we allowing 'inconvenience' to be a reason we don't make more earth friendly decisions? I don't think we all have the passion to live a zero waste life but I'm very sure that a lot of us are living an overly wasteful life. With the festive season coming up and parties about to ensue, I do hope that we are all thinking about how we can do things better this year. We can be better, and we must. I also hope that with the increased efforts to save the planet, the pledges companies are signing now and the increased questioning of our environmental impact, the generation after us will grow up being more mindful about their choices and grow up with better and more environmentally sustainable habits.

In other news, this also started me on reading about zero waste families and I am looking into making my own toothpaste (to Q's dismay 😂😂😂).

Contentment, what are we striving for?

This week, we invited our neighbours over for a meal and boy did it end up in a spiral of thoughts...

I always knew that growing up in Singapore put us at a great advantage over our SEA neighbours.. But after a meal with our Cambodian neighbours this week, we realised just how much privilege we have just growing up in Singapore. We met our neighbour V about a month ago when we moved into our apartment here in Manchester. He lives two doors down and and was very friendly from day one. His wife W just joined him here about a week ago so we decided to invite them over for a meal and get to know them better. I did a simple stir fry and they brought over some cupcakes and we had a great time talking over the simple fare.

V and W are in no way considered poor in Cambodia. They came to the UK on a scholarship and can afford to travel frequently. However when they shared about what they went through to have their daughter just a year ago, I realised that there is so much we take for granted. During labour, W was put into a room with 2 other ladies also in labour. V was hence not allowed to be in the room with her during that time and didn't have the privilege of seeing his own daughter being born. When V talked about having a second one, W just shook her head and said she still feels the pain from the first. She didn't have an epidural because that costed extra and it had too much risk in their country. I can't begin to imagine what she must have gone through.. When I told them that both K and N were Caesarean babies, they told us how going for a Caesarean was a very dangerous option in Cambodia. When V was born, they didn't even have access to doctors and hospitals. He was almost killed because his mom was in labour for 2 days and the village nurse said if he didn't come in 2 hours they would have to forgo having the baby to save his mom.

N and Aunty W.

Even during our parents' time, hospitals and doctors were available and very rarely do you hear stories like V's. When I had K, I could hear the lady in the next room screaming in pain.. that alone scared me. But I had Q beside me, and I didn't have to see the lady actually in pain. I also felt nothing because of the epidural. I didn't even think twice about taking the epidural! That's how much trust we have and can have in our health care professionals. As much as I like to complain about wait times at polyclinics and doctors, that is really a first world problem. At least I can be confident that I am getting a good standard of care and privacy is a basic right. I don't have to worry about being shoved into the labour ward with two strangers, and I didn't have to worry that I would die on the operating table when I had my C-sections. The lowest level of healthcare in Singapore is higher than their highest level. Sure, we know we are blessed to be in Singapore but we really don't realise just how blessed we are, do we?

K, N and Uncle V. Excuse the grape in N's mouth 😁

Our conversation at dinner made me think about how we take even the big things for granted and how our kids will likely do too because there is so much we have that we don't even have to think twice about. Not just clean drinking water, a well connected public transport system and education, but also so many toys that the issue we face is that the children are overwhelmed by choice. How many of us also struggle to manage clutter at home, having 5 pots and 10 pans, enough bowls to run a restaurant and clothes to open a departmental store? Q and I are already very far from being indulgent with our children and we live very minimally, but even so we have everything we need and more. How can we teach our children (and even ourselves) to be not only thankful for what we have but to be content? Instead of looking to what is the latest fashion, the latest toy or the latest gadget, to be content with what we have.

There will be some who say we shouldn't be content, we should always strive for the better. I agree, but I think that our striving shouldn't be for better things. I think our striving should be towards being a better person, to be better stewards of our money, to make the world a better place, to be greener, to make more sustainable choices. Idealistic? Maybe. But I personally think these things are much more worth striving for. At the end of our lives it won't matter how fast our cars are or how high tech our phones and gadgets are. The number of cool toys we have also won't matter. There are choices we can make now that have a longer lasting impact and these are the things we should be investing in and striving more towards. The money you choose to donate to providing access to education and clean water instead of buying that latest iPhone will change the entire life of another individual, not just your life for a few months till the next iPhone comes. Is your strive for the latest and the best also killing the very earth you live on? Instead of teaching our children to look for the next best thing on the market and striving for new shiny things, can we instead teach them how to use what they already have and to take good care of it so it lasts a long time? Also, how can we teach them the value in upcycling and show them the joy of giving new life to old items?

So much to think about... don't you think? 😉

Travel companions

Last weekend, thanks to ManU, we had the wonderful company of the Wongfoks 😆. We filled the weekend doing things we would never be able to do in Singapore. We first visited a farm that was probably as big as our Toh Yi estate. The Lancaster Park and Animal Farm was a nice huge farm that occupied us for all of Saturday. The kids had lots of fun feeding the animals, having a go at carrying huge rabbits and guinea pigs, as well as squelching in the mud. The farm was also very family friendly. Most of the animals they have were already present in enclosures around the entrance giving families with younger children, who might not be able to walk long distances, enough to see and do without having to travel too far. For those who could travel further, there was an additional 871 meter walk with animals along the route to feed and look at. There were also food shoots made available for kids who want to feed the animals but don't want to have any contact with them, and baskets with handles for those who want to be closer but still not comfortable with the animals feeding straight out of their palms. There were taps and ample amounts of soap conveniently located right next to picnic tables, and there was a digger corner right next to the toilets to keep the kids occupied while the parents took turns taking them for their toilet break. Despite the cold, the kids had a lot of fun and didn't want to leave when we had to.

The baskets provided to feed the animals with. 

N having a brave try on his own.

Gentle baby goats greeting the kids, looking for food.

N and a guinea pig at the petting barn.

The chillest tortoise just on his morning stroll.

Can you tell who was forced to take a photo? 😂

The next day, we went to meet Thomas the Train on the East Lancashire Railway and sat steam trains the entire day. We were at first a little unwilling to pay the entry fee for The Thomas the Train event but were glad we did! The kids (and us, especially the dads) had so much fun sitting the trains, meeting Sir Topham Hatt, getting expertly and elaborately twisted balloons, getting their face painted and temporary tattoos stamped on their hands. There was even a little pottery workshop stand for the older kids where you can make your own pot and take it home with you! We also had free rides on all the trains on the East Lancashire line for the entire day. When the English do events, it seems they really go all out! There was plenty to do and see for the SIX hours we spent there! Well worth the ₤55 we paid for the 4 of us.

The kids and Thomas!  

The fat controller, Mr Hatt!  

Delighted with their balloons

Toddler's Club Meeting 

Looks like the adults are having more fun than the kids here 😂

One thing that struck me was how well our kids played together. S is almost a year younger than N but he got along perfectly fine with N and K. K loved being the big sister, watching out for little S making sure he didn't fall or get left behind. S and N clicked via their common interest; trains and vehicle sound effects 😂. Watching the two boys vrooming and zooming and tooting away was so heart warming and entertaining 😍.

Looking forward to our next trip together!

Moving to Manchester

It's been a whirlwind of adventures this month with us packing up and heading to the United Kingdom in the middle of it's cold Autumn, a sure difference from the heat we are so used to back home in Singapore. The kids are enjoying the change though! N no longer sweats buckets each day and is clearly more comfortable in the cooler climate, and K loves being able to put on the pink coat and unicorn boots that we kept telling her 'Only when we get to England' whenever she asked to wear them (for a good month plus!). Q also loves the cold.. each day seems like a challenge to him as he tests what the least number of layers it is that he needs for the day. I on the other hand seem to be testing how many layers I can put on before I start looking like a round ball.

The squirrels here are very brave and come really close by, probably expecting food. 

Life here is a lot different too, some good and some bad. Food here is a lot fresher, milk is better and cheaper, museums here are mostly free and very well curated, there are interesting markets to visit almost every weekend, and the shopping! Oh, the shopping! However, the streets are dirtier, eating out burns a huge hole in your pocket, the amount of smoking on the streets is just horrible, it's just too cold for me and I miss my flip flops 😝.

Q's meal choice often has something to do with a hotplate. 

The best thing so far though, is the amount of family time we have been able to have. Q has classes two days a week and camps in the library two other mornings to do work. The rest of the week, we head to somewhere new to explore and see.  I have always loved time spent when it's just the four of us, but in Singapore, it was always hard to block out good amounts of time when we were always rushing from one place to another. Here, we have very few friends and no family obligations and honestly, it's been very freeing so far. Our main question these days is 'Where shall we explore next?', rather than 'What do we need to get done this weekend?'. I know our time here is limited and life here is a fleeting fantasy. We can't stay isolated forever, everyone needs community some time, and I realise that. But these few weeks have also made me question why we allow ourselves to get so busy fulfilling obligations and doing things we 'should do' and meeting people we 'should meet' instead of spending it with the people we love and enjoy being around. Why is it so taboo to be picky about who you want to spend your limited weekends with and say no when someone asks to meet? Why is it an accepted norm for family members to emotionally blackmail you into doing their wishes?

It is also a very common sight here to see young adults drunk and intoxicated even at 8am in the mornings. Seeing people high on drugs, hugging the bins, incapable of walking, is also very common.  Another Singaporean student staying in the halls here told me that parties and going out for drinks and drugs are so common in the halls here. Some girl asked to use her bathroom during one of the hall parties and her roommate walked into that same girl snorting up some drug in the toilet. It makes me think about how important the right type of company is, and how important it is to teach our children how to keep their boundaries. Somewhere along the way, these adults met someone who offered them drugs and alcohol and couldn't say no; Either the peer pressure was too strong or they just picked it up from someone in the family.

At the Manchester Museum, my favourite museum so far!

Seeing all this makes me even more certain that I want my children to grow up knowing it is okay to say no. I want them to grow up to be confident individuals who are not easily hurt by someone else's actions but also know that it is okay to walk away when the actions and words of another individual are hurting them no matter who the other individual is. I also pray that although I am also an Asian mom, I will not emotionally blackmail my children to get them to do what I want 😂.