I have to say that this week has been really trying.
when I went to the gym I realized how mentally and physically tired I've become.
All the issues that have arose during the weekend just drained every ounce of my energy.
But God was faithful and heard my cries.
He sent an angel to help me out of when I felt weary,
Assured me and stood by me throughout the way.
Intervened silently and helped solve my troubles...
I feel very blessed and thankful.

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord

warning. GG ep8 spoiler alert.

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NATE AND JENNY?!?!?!?!?!
omy..

some things are no fun when done alone.

Now that work is over,
I need to find something to do.
I want to go volunteer at some place so that I can do something meaningful with my time...
but i also want to work.
but then, working would be pointless cause I'll only be able to work for november.
december is just mad crazy busy.
and then I really need all the time and energy I can have to deal with certain persons.

SO, I will logically, working would just be a nonsensical idea. though I really don't like the idea of bumming..
I have a feeling that my life ahead is going to be filled with gyming, swimming, tanning and slacking.
I know how envious peeps in school are of me :P
but it can become quite boring.
I can't wait till december comes..
then I'll have my friends back.

I had a really long talk with matt today about stuff that was bothering me and it really helped to put things into perspective.
It also really helped that he kept bringing the WWJD or the 'what should be done so that God would be glorified' perspective into the picture.
I had a whole plan out, ready to be executed.. but I guess some of it won't be good to do.
So I'm changing my plan to God's plan.
It's going to be REALLY REALLY difficult.
but I'm going to carry it out.
HE will be my strength and my portion.

its getting harder and harder to forgive.
Lord, Help me.

Addie and steff's wedding was today and it was beautiful.
You can tell when two people are really in L-O-V-E.

today I did the spiritual gifts inventory AGAIN and I got hospitality as my highest AGAIN.
celibacy was strangely my 7th highest!! GASP. hahahaha..
I really love being on break cause I get to do anything.. though I havent been able to catch up on sleep cause either there is something on in the morning or I just motivate myself to roll out of bed to head to the gym.
so anyway, I am looking forward to the week ahead cause nothing much is really planned except planning to enjoy myself a bit before I find another job to occupy my time.

Today I did the passage on the unmerciful servant for the 3rd time this month.
I know what it means.
But I am being dangerously stubborn.
I hate myself for it
I will do something about it.
though I NEED HELP.
cause I really can't do anything on my own.

but other than that, I've been pampered and loved :)
and I have a ton of things I want to tell S & S but I don't know if I should and how to go about it...hmm.

SECOND LAST DAY OF WORK.
slept at 2am last night
cannot wake up at 6.05
Yawned my way through
fun fair tmw
going to play like mad
eat lots of candy floss
nice cool weather
don't feel like moving
don't feel like gyming
but need to gym
ate too much
3 croissants, tea, 3 biscuits, 2 chicken drumsticks, lots of water
ok. maybe not.
found my newest addiction

better than chicken-in-a-biscuit (In my opinion)
but I don't know where to buy it
shall scout NTUC tonight
I'll be more interesting when the hols roll round (I hope.)
one more 6.05am day to go
WAHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Last day of the long weekend

I keep eating and eating today..
I've already finished the apple strudel my mom got yesterday
and half of the pot of rice.
I tell myself its because of all this gyming I've been doing...
BUT STILL! HALF A POT OF RICE.
Usually I only take like less than a quarter.
its only 2pm.
this has to stop...
maybe after this can of pringles....

day 5 of long weekend.

Today was GYM-LIKE-MAD day.
morning, I woke up and went for bodybalance.
then I pretty much slacked till it was time for body combat.
I didn't plan to go for body jam but ended up going for it cause I saw the wrong timing and went earlier.
SO EMBARRASSING.
at body combat, I was DAY DREAMING and when everyone had gone on to the hook, I was still at the previous step.
*digs hole*

but today was good generally.
Debs and I found out how wonderfully refreshing the water at fringe is.
yummy.
and WE SHALL TRY THE COOLERS SOMETIME SOON! :)

He truly provides :)

You know that sick sinking feeling you get when something goes wrong?
I just experienced it.
Daryl Goh who was suppose to help me play for the children's camp worship tells me HE HAS TO WORK ON THAT DAY.
everyone else has school or some other thing on.
dead duck I am.
having so many friends who can play guits and what not is OF NO USE I tell you.
you have to have friends who can play guits and what nots and IS ALWAYS FREE AS A BIRD.
my heart is still stuck at the bottom.
cue cheesy "God will make a way" tune

AND HE DOES!
hahahahahaha.. I know.
THIS ALL HAPPENED IN REAL TIME OK.
while I was typing out this depressing post, BENJAMIN FONG GUO (SOMETHING) SAID IT WAS HIS OFF DAY!
my heart just went back up again.
This is the stuff mood swings are made of.

anyway, since now I'm in a much better mood, I can tell you my horror story about a shoe.
Yesterday was scott's birthday dinner and he had it at some restaurant which name CANNOT be pronounced by normal human beings - Brotzeit
I did a quick google search and the web stated: Smart casual.
SO, I had to wear shoes.
BUT, me no shoes.
only slippers. duh.
SO, I went to toapayoh and bought $7.50 shoes.
mistake. BIGGEST mistake.
the shoe SCRAPED OFF not only my PLASTER but ALSO MY SKIN.
SCRAPED. totally.
died.
the stupidest thing was that even though the web said SMART CASUAL,
I see ppl in shorts and t-shirts and SLIPPERS.
I want to STRANGLE the person who put smart casual there.
grrr.
it's been a LONG weekend.
and the thing is: It hasn't ended yet!heh.

yesterday was strange.
I don't know how else to describe it.
I spent lunch eating homecooked beehoon at some park.
1. I don't particularly like beehoon much.
2. It was a whole box full I had to finish.
3. I was wearing jeans. Jeans + Open air park is not very nice though I wasn't feeling particularly hot..
4. I know its suppose to be a really nice thing to have someone cook for you but I felt totally weird.

then we went for prayer meeting which was really nice though out of the ordinary.
Hearing these people pray about the world, about Israel and all, I feel a little selfish cause I only pray for people around me and never thought to pray for people further than Singapore...

I think I learnt a few things about myself:
1. I cannot have people being too nice to me.
2. I have to be the nicer one. (does that even make sense)
3. If the other person does more than I do for him/her, I feel totally guilty.
4. I don't like feeling guilty.
5. I don't really know what I think or feel half the time.

HOW can it be that this marks the middle of my holiday.
WHY DID IT ALL PASS ME BY SO QUICKLY!
GRR.

tanned, got burnt.
tried to do work, slept instead.
was going to have a quiet night, ended up spending it outside celebrating some emo boy's birthday.
He's emo because no one is spending it with him.
I didn't spend mine with anyone either...
but did I get emo, no.
ok. probably cause I'm cool with being alone and some ppl just arent.

BUT

I got to try 2am desserts which was ok I felt.
I liked the desserts and all
I just am not sure I would pay 15 bucks for it..

now, I'm just dead tired and want to sleep.
nite!

OH HAPPY DAY! (oh happy day)
OH HAPPY DAY! (oh happy day)
THE WEEKEND'S HERE (the weekend's here)
FOR SIX LONG DAYS (for six long days)

:)
I LOOOOOOOOVE PSLE. heh.

June just pang sehed me though..
so tmw, which was suppose to be fantastic pampering plus shopping till I drop day has now come to naught and i am a teeny weeny bit pfft about it.
maybe i'll go tan tmw then :)
see whether the weather be FINE
or whether the weather be NOT.
whether the weather be COLD
or whether the weather be HOT.
we'll weather the weather
whatever the weather
WEATHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT.

After playing taboo yesterday, I realised that alot of the words I'm able to guess have to do with fashion or makeup or some shopping related thing.
This makes me feel very bimbotic somehow..

Word: Cheek
Description: Blusher goes on the _______?

Word: Polish
Description: What we apply onto our nails.

Word: Benefit
Description: The makeup counter that opened exclusively in Tangs last year.

that said: taboo is fun fun fun.



Things I want to do:
1. Go tanning.
2. shop shop SHOP.
3. sleep till 1pm every day for a week.
4. play like mad.
5. watch some movie (I haven't stepped into a cinema for the longest time.)
6. spend more time with people who matter.
7. pack my messy room.
8. watch as many dramas as I can before I move to australia where my downloading capability is limited :(

hrmph.

I had a very special sunday..
Service was as usual...
after service, I headed to some soccer ministry thanksgiving where only one player turned up :(
The food was good though..heh. (thanks to uncle hian woon)
then I came home and napped.
Went for my very first 'We Love Captain's ball' event.
can I say this: THEY ARE SO DRAMA.
in the 2 hours I saw a whole range of ways to catch the ball.
and thanks to DarylWong's super head butt, I saw the most tyco goal ever.
after that I had dinner and went out with a very special group of people.
It was really fun and interesting to meet people from a whole different group in society :)
Sundays have never been this eventful EVER

tmw is Kenneth and Euan's birthday celebration :)
I get to see Shir and Drea again! yay!
I might go earlier to do a tiny weeny eensy bit of shopping.... heh.

oh. and HAPPY BIRTHDAY KENNETH TEO WEI YANG :)

Love Song- Sara Bareilles

watch it here

Head under water
And they tell me... to breathe easy for a while
The breathing gets harder... even I know that
You made room for me but it's too soon to see
If I'm happy in your hands
I'm unusually... hard to hold on to
Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's
Make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you... to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you... a love song today
Today, yeah

I learned the hard way
That they all say... things you want to hear
And my heavy heart... sinks deep down under you and
Your twisted words,
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello... to high and dry
Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's
Make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you... a love song today

Promise me... you'll leave the light on
To help me see... with daylight, my guide, gone
'Cause I believe there's a way... you can love me
Because I say
I won't write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's make or break in this
Is that why you wanted a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you... to stay
If your heart is nowhere in it
I don't want it for a minute
Babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that
There's a reason to
Write you... a love song today
Today (yeah eh eh eh)

I am TRAUMATIZED.
this girl from my class came up to me and KISSED ME ON THE CHEEK.. TWICE.
EW.
I hope she cleaned her mouth after recess.
Her classmates said she kisses everyone.
and so I asked her if she kissed Hock Seng
Heh. (MGS joke)

I'm working next year again for mgs.
I don't know if its a good thing or a bad thing..
I just hope I don't have work everyday which is kinda unlikely I think.

some kid cried in class again.
even with the shitty grades, everyone in class did better than mid years for math.
I think it's cause the midyear paper was harder.
bah.

When I read fashion blogs, what amazes me most is their guts to bleach that perfectly nice pair of jeans or cut up a perfectly great tshirt.
it always comes out nice of course.
I always wanted to do something like that.
But I have too little faith in my artistic ability.
Somehow I know I try anything, it'll end up in the bin.

in the past 3 days.....

-ONE girl told me she dreamt of me being her mother and wrote me a letter telling her that was her wish
-ONE pain in the ass disgruntle parent called me to tell me that her daughter was not at fault for talking in class and her name shouldn't be written on the board cause of that
-TWO girls failed their math with a record of 20.5/100
-TWO girls from my most hated class cannot stop hugging me (I hate it cause I think students should FEAR me
-THREE girls cried in class due to various reasons
-A WHOLE CLASS of girls laughed at me because I wore a vest to school and they said it looked sexy.

only half the week is gone.
I'm SO ready for the weekend.

I AM SO HAPPY.
you know why??
MY IPOD CLAIM HAS BEEN APPROVED.
This has been the most gruelling one month of waiting I TELL YOU.
and now I have another 2 months to wait for my scholarship reply..
CAN I SAY THAT I AM EXTREMELY HAPPY.
I can now enjoy my itouch.
and I have to say this too: I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN.

I went shopping today with Trashy :)
THOROUGHLY enjoyed myself because I believe I got some FANTASTIC buys.
THERE IS A RIVER ISLAND SALE YOU KNOW? hahaha..
I bought only denim articles today though..
I am PROUD to say that the amount I spent today is STILL less than teresa's bill. heh.
But then again. if we talk about proportions of monetary wealth.. I lose. (fine.)
tmw I'm going to see her again and it'll be another day of FUN and EXCITEMENT. (heh. secret)
I thoroughly enjoyed body combat today cause the instructors were hilarious today and the tai tai wore the most ridiculously tightfittingpluslowcut exercise wear. AWESOME.

on another note: I have to start remembering to eat.
I haven't been putting alot into my tummy lately.
today, all I had was one small bun, one packet of Jacob's vege biscuits, three prawn nuggets and a yam pie.
though I really don't feel hungry.
I know its really bad for my body to eat so little, but then again, its also good so I lose weight. heh.

Sometimes just being blind for awhile will teach you to see

I <3 Kate Voegele.
she is angsty emo rock chick.

MUMMY SAYS I CAN START SHOPPING FOR WINTER STUFF!!! YAY!
I am so going tmw.

I am one year and one day older..
but I dont feel any diff.
I spent my birthday eating salad with mummy and slacking at home..
though this birthday, I had a difficult decision to make.
but now that its settled more or less......
I shall sleep well tonight.
And I have to say this one more time..

FATED TO LOVE YOU IS SUPER NICE. GO WATCH.

tt reminds me.
I havent watched Gossip Girl S02E05.
THIS IS BAD.

A ten-year-old story seems to be coming to an end....
or is this only the beginning?

I want these shorts.

image credits: fashiontoast.com