Christmas isn't Christmas till we stop buying junk.

So much has happened in the year 2019.
I don't think there has been more news regarding animals with plastic filled stomachs more in any other year than this.
The Amazon Rainforest Fires, Venice flooding, Australia's bushfires...
So much of the world is crumbling.
With Christmas round the corner, and as you start thinking about Christmas gifts, I hope to urge you to think green. We have enough junk at home. Our kids have enough toys, we all have enough clothes, and we still have our box fill with white elephants from years of Christmases. So please, stop. Do something different this year.

1. Buy experiences.
There are the usual suspects: The zoo, the aquarium, the museum, the amusement parks... But if nothing looks good, gift a hands on lesson! Pottery classes, macaron making classes, baking classes... Or if that doesn't tickle your fancy, gift a spa experience or an all expense paid trip to a good restaurant! I assure you that they will have more fun and remember more of it than that game their face is stuck to in that Nintendo switch.

2. Pay for classes.
So many children now have music classes, art classes, swim classes, etc. Just inform the parents that you would like to pay for X number of classes. Then couple that with a card and a handmade voucher stating the class you are paying for. I'm sure the parents will be very appreciative and you don't have to guess which educational toy would be less likely to end up spending its life under the sofa.

3. Take an old jam jar to the bulk shop.
Take all those clean jam jars sitting in your recycling box, wash it again and dry it and take it to the nearest bulk shop. Fill it up with fancy chocolates or nuts or snacks. Tie a ribbon or use some paint markers and decorate the bottle! It will be a more unique gift than that heavily packaged, marked up chocolates and biscuits from the store.

4. Organize a make and take gathering.
Instead of the usual Christmas party where everyone cooks too much food, eats too much food and leaves the floor littered with torn up wrapping paper and crumbs, organize a make and take gathering. Do something intricate like sugar cookies or something super simple like bread sticks or a pound cake. Make it together, have fun, chit chat, make some tea and eat some treats you made then take the rest home. It will still be filled with fun, laughter, opportunities to catch up on each other's lives, just without the massive amounts of leftover food and packaging waste.

5. Pay for a service.
Everyone could do with a professional house clean, or an aircon servicing, or a mattress deep clean, or a carpet clean, or even a professional complete car wash. Pay for it. Seriously. It would be SO much more useful and appreciated than that expensive candle in a jar that you are thinking about.

Some might say this takes away from the joy of Christmas. I don't agree. I believe that we can still be happy without a mountain of presents at Christmas. I hope that my children will learn that Christmas does not mean presents, but instead mean love, friends and family.

My Willing Struggle

We just came home from a road trip around Scotland and our fridge was empty. So this morning, I had to head for the grocery store with K and N while Q spent time in the library catching up on his dissertation. We actually have three other grocery stores nearer to our place, two being in the same building as us... but we rarely buy anything from them as 90% of their food is wrapped in some kind of packaging. Instead, we often choose to do our weekly shop at a store about a 15 minute walk away because they have a wider variety of unpackaged produce. The kids enjoy choosing the fruit and veg, filling the bags and pushing the basket around.

Street food bought in our reusable food pouch. Took us 10 months to try it because it took us 10 months to work up the courage to ask if we could use our own containers 😅

On our way back, N decided that the walk was too far. So he stared to complain: 'Why do we have to walk SO FAR! I don't want to walk.' x1000 times. During whole performance that included dragging his feet, he tripped on his own feet and fell face first onto the pavement. Of course that escalated things and the complaining turned into loud wails of pain and distress. I picked him up, dusted him off and waited for him to calm down a little before continuing our journey with his hand in mine. He continued to wail as we walked as I tried to look confident and unswayed by the stares of other pedestrians. As the heavy grocery bag dug into my shoulder, I thought about how I could have avoided all this hassle if I had just bought my groceries from the nearby shops. That led me to think about all the hassle we go through every single day, bringing our own cutlery, containers, reusable wipes, water bottles... How we actually wait to buy things now because we try our best to find them in the charity and thrift shops or get them second hand on fb marketplace instead of just popping into the shops to get them. How we changed our diet so that we could reduce our carbon footprint by eating less meat, drinking less cow's milk and never buy fruit and veg that are packaged. How we choose places to eat based on whether or not they use disposables, often forgoing it if the store uses disposables.

N happy to be home and looking forward to his promise of fruit.

Then I thought about why we do it all, about how it all started with the simple desire to live a life that was less damaging to the earth. Sure, it would save me the half an hour walk there and back but then I would also be generating so much more plastic waste each week. That waste would survive on this earth longer than I and maybe even my children would. We may have a lighter and less bulky bag if we didn't pack our cutlery and containers and bottles but every time we head out would mean another bag of waste generated just from one meal or even a quick snack. We would be one of the many people just mindlessly filling up the trash cans. Using our own containers and cutlery when buying food means that we get to enjoy it AND feel good because we aren't having to throw something away after the 10 minutes it takes us to eat it. The changes we have made in our lives have also changed the mindset of our kids. They now look for forks and spoons in our bag rather than at the counters of food stores, they check to make sure if the item is wrapped in unnecessary packaging before considering if they would like to buy it. Shopping at thrift and charity shops have taught us that a lot of what we want is actually not necessary. I can't count the number of times I went into a charity shop thinking 'I need to find _____' and have not been able to find it, then later realise I have been able to live without it for months and actually don't need it any more. It has also taught the kids to wait indefinitely for things they want instead of just buying everything that catches their eye. It also causes them to treasure their finds so much more, and even if they lose interest in their finds after a while, it goes back to the charity shop they got it from for another child to enjoy. Avoiding packaging also means that we eat more fruit and vegetables and eat less processed food which deifinitely helps our health (and waistline). Snacking now also often means fruit rather than crisps and chocolates, although I still do enjoy the occasional chocolate 😛. While trying to do good for the earth, it has also changed us for the better.

K finally found a bracelet that fit her in the thrift store after months of looking.

No matter how far we are in our journey to being eco-friendly, we will always struggle as we work against our natural human tendency to favour convenience over all else. I question myself every time I find myself in an uncomfortable situation, and every time I chose the harder way in order to be eco friendly and did not get an instant reward for my choice. I struggle every single day as I choose to walk away from comfort and convenience, yet see bins overflowing with disposable single use packaging and question if my actions even make any impact. But at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is the impact I am having on my own life and the life of my children. I will willingly struggle every day in the hope that K and N will grow up with a different norm from my generation. Where cheap and easy won't be the qualities they base their decisions on, and that their natural tendency will be mindfulness toward how their actions and choices impact the lives of others around them and the world they live in.

K turns 5.

I can't believe my baby is 5 years old. As cliché as it is, it really does feel like I just had her. In a blink of an eye, she is now a full fledge 5 year old kid. I can't even call her a toddler any more!

Being 5 years old is a HUGE deal to K for one big reason... it is the age she can finally have lollipops! I don't know when it started but it was just one day when she picked up a lollipop and asked to have it and I just said: 'You can when you are 5 years old' and it stuck to her. If you know K, you'll know how much she loves rules. She will follow it to a tee and on top of that, makes it her responsibility to keep everyone in check. Whenever she got a lollipop or saw one in the shop she would point to it and say: 'Only when I'm 5, right Mom?' Then turn to N and tell him: 'When you are 5, you can have a lollipop. Now you are (insert age) so not just yet, okay?' Now she is the grown-up 5 years old required for that first lollipop taste so of course she had to have lollipops for her birthday!

K with her lollipop, N and S with their chocolate pops

Q and I believe that the value of experiences far exceed the value of physical gifts... Also, I really don't like clutter AND we are on a zero waste journey. So spending money to go places trumps toys for us! Being in the UK this year gave us a wider choice of experiences to choose from, so we planned a long weekend filled with experiences starting with a group celebration at the ice cream farm!

We had a very rough start to the weekend, with a huge mess caused by the rental car company. We ended up having to rent a smaller car elsewhere at the last minute, causing us to not be able to bring our neighbours along for the celebrations 😢. After a hectic morning of problem solving and work around, we finally got a rental and managed to arrive at the farm just before noon. The weather was dreary with rain falling for most of the day but thankfully we got a spot in the indoor soft play area where the kids spent most of the day. After about an hour indoors we headed back outdoors where thankfully, it had stopped raining. We walked around a little looking at the animals they had there and did a few rides.

K giving N the first lick of her ice cream

Even though the rain had stopped, the wind was really strong and it was really cold so we decided to get into the car and head for an early warm dinner. We found out about the Farmhouse Inns group a while back and loved their concept. They have an 'all you can pile on your plate' kind of meal, PLUS an indoor playground for the little ones.. wins for both parents and kids.

After dinner, K received her birthday present from the Wongfoks, a box of homemade taste safe play dough in rainbow colours (because unicorns and rainbows are K's thing 🦄). I'm thankful for friends who are willing to follow our requests for 'zero waste' presents 😍. I know that not everyone agrees with our philosophy of gifting, but it is very heartwarming when people respect it.

Enjoying their handmade gift 

The next day, it was still very cold and wet outdoors so we went to an indoor playground. The kids had fun running around and burning off some energy at Adventure Forest Play Centre before heading to Mustard for a very VERY indulgent lunch.

Having a ball of a time 😉.

Fried Chicken! 

Pancake Mountain!

The weather forecast was better on Sunday and perfect for a trip to Farmer Ted's and boy did we have a great time! The kids had a whole range of experiences in just this one destination from touching bearded dragons and snakes to sliding down a hill in a toboggan.

Our first face to face with a ferret. This one's called Smokey.

I thought the frog was quite high in the ick factor (although the kids were unfazed)... 

Then they upped that and took out a hissing cockroach 😵.

We ended the weekend having tea like queens.

I asked K if she enjoyed her birthday. She said yes, and that her favourite part was opening her presents 🙊.
I asked her what she would prefer, lots of presents or going to a lot of places... She very honestly said: 'Lots of presents!' OOPS! I guess the brainwashing process isn't complete yet 😂.

Changing Traditions

Living in the UK is changing the way we live in more ways than one. The biggest change so far is that it has made us so much more aware of our environmental impact.

The first thing that greeted us when we got to our lodging place in our apartment was a huge poster pinned to the noticeboard at our door. It was a poster on recycling in the halls and how to sort our trash. I have always sorted our trash and recycled whatever I could but the environment here makes it so IN YOUR FACE. They provide divided bags for you to sort your recycling so that you don't even need to find your own recycling storage place, clear posters telling you exactly what goes where and even the packaging themselves have little labels that indicate what parts of the packaging you can and can't recycle. In shops and restaurants, the trash bin also often isn't simply a trash bin. Take the McDonald's trash bin for example. They even provide a place for you to throw liquids into so that they can recycle their cups.

So why is there still so much trash? The trash that litters the street is crazy and I understand now why tourists who come to Singapore always talk about how clean the streets are. There isn't a time when I don't see a pile of trash on the sidewalk here. Even the buses are filled with trash making it sometimes hard to get to the seats, clearly showing that recycling isn't enough. We need to reduce trash in general, whether or not that trash can be recycled. It's so hard, though. SO much of today's products are packaged in plastic film. I try so hard to choose items that have lesser packaging but it makes grocery shopping so depressing because often you are faced with no choice. We have been eating primarily sweet potatoes, aubergines and courgettes because those are the few things that don't come wrapped in plastic 😅. A particular article on the backlash seen from supposedly educated NUS students during the straw ban broke my heart. With reports yelling  telling us we need to change as the planet is dying, you would think more people would be concerned. I mean, people don't touch water for a month after they give birth because some aunty said the 'wind' would go into their body. Why doesn't any one seem to believe these scientists who have proper qualifications? Because of comfort? Inertia?

Earlier this week I ran a poll on Instagram asking if it would be weird to ask that whoever wanted to give gifts to my kids for Christmas and birthdays keep to second hand items. I also indicated that all new toys received would be donated to a toy charity. Only a few people voted but out of the few only 25% of people said it was weird. I talked about it with Q that night and he said some people might be offended that we donate their gifts to a charity and see us as being ungrateful. We went on to talk about how gatherings and parties always end up with a huge surplus of food and sometimes disposables. As averse as I am to social events, I do like to attend SOME parties.. He pointed out that it would be weird if I took out my reusable cutlery to use at a party and definitely if I brought my own plate 😂. I get it, I do. The question then is how do I go about being eco-friendly even when it isn't convenient without coming across as weird or worse make everyone upset and offended? I post a lot about being eco-friendly on Instagram and I'm sure some people roll their eyes whenever they see one of my posts on it. I like all the things that everyone else likes, being able to eat out, eating a good steak, drinking bubble tea, going to weekend markets and trying out all the street food, travelling, meeting up with friends whose company we enjoy, making my kids happy with new toys and definitely SHOPPING 🙆. but the question is 'Is there a more sustainable way to do this?'. Is there a more sustainable way to throw a party? Is there a more sustainable way to celebrate Christmas? Can we gift give more sustainably? At the moment I am just trying to do all the things I love but at the same time think of a more sustainable way to do it. Maybe I'll offend a few people along the way and trigger some eye rolling, but instead of sticking with 'tradition' KNOWING that it's not the right thing I want to change it and make a new tradition. I know my kids will be happy whether or not the toy is brand new from the shop because it is new to them.

K's reaction when she saw her box of second hand dolls which costed less than what one new doll would have.

N enjoying his train set that was bought second hand from a charity shop

I can still hold parties, but not end up trying to stuff a huge trash bag of paper plates and utensils into the tiny chute (side note: Have you wondered why old houses have smaller chutes?) or worrying about finishing the crazy amount of leftovers after the party. Maybe we will have fewer friends who talk to us after this. Maybe we will have no more friends and have to find new ones (I hope not! I love a lot of my friends 😚). But I can't for the sake of not offending someone ignore what is being proven and evidenced to us, especially when it greatly impacts the lives of my children. I don't want my kids and grandkids to have to face a whole lot of issues just because I was too politically correct to refuse that plastic fork or too lazy to bring my own bags to the grocery store.

The year ahead, we are on a mission to change our whole family's way of life to live more sustainably. I'm hoping that if I bring my kids up in an environment where we think about sustainability, they too will go on to make sustainable choices more naturally with their families in the future. So here's to a more sustainable traditions and a better future, starting with my first vegan burger 😋.

A VERY yummy Pulled Jackfruit Burger

We don't love each other the same way any more.

Yesterday evening as I sat across the table from Q in MacD's, I spotted a couple sitting not far from us who seemed to be on a date. I started thinking about how we started dating and where our first date was and I could not for the life of me remember 🙊 I asked Q if he remembered and he didn't either. We are such romantics 😂.

So when I came home, I started to look at my gmail hoping to find some clues. Thing is, when Q and I started dating, we had no Whatsapp (are we old? lol.)  and texting would just send our bills sky high so we spent a lot of our time chatting on gchat. I bet no one uses that now. We lived just down the road from each other but we chatted every day and night like we lived miles apart. I am actually really thankful for it because gmail saves EVERYTHING and I could show K and N the first chat we had after we got together. I showed them the record of me telling Q their grandma's reaction when I told her we were dating and how she was very happy because Q was deemed a good man since he was Teochew and had a Teochew face 😂. I spent the rest of the night just reading our chats and reliving the past.

Q and I had a very weird relationship where we were friends for a good number of years before we started to fancy each other. We spent more time talking and chatting online than doing anything else before we started dating and pretty much also after we started dating. We never went on a single one on one date together before we got together which is also why it was quite a surprise to our closest friends when we started dating 😜. Even after we got together, it was a while before we really had a proper date where it was just the two of us and THAT is most probably why we can't remember where our first date was. I do remember that our first meal after we decided to get together was a dinner at my parent's place because we had a friend visiting from the US and we didn't want him to feel alone during the CNY period.

Before marriage

After reading a few old chats, I realised that our love has definitely changed. We used to affirm each other with words A LOT. Every other sentence was something along the lines of 'You are so awesome'. We used to spend hours talking about all sorts of random things. Now our conversations are much deeper, and although we don't praise each other verbally as much, I know we still think that of the other 😉. 'You are awesome' has been replaced with quiet exchanges of thankful tired smiles when he entertains the kids while I wash the dishes, asking for second helpings of dinner and random chocolate surprises bought from the petrol station on his way home from work. 'I love you' has been also been replaced with letting me sleep in a little (actually a lot) longer in the mornings, a little linger during our goodbye kisses in the morning, and the holding of hands while waiting for the kids to finish stomping on every leaf in their path. It's a good change. The little every day exchanges that may seem mundane to others are actually us sending each other secret messages saying 'I love you' or 'I appreciate you' and 'You are awesome'.

After marriage 😂

We've only been married for a little over 6 years but I like the direction things are heading. May we never take each other for granted, and always remember and never be ashamed to still say the occasional 'You are awesome' and 'I love you' outright.

Kids and Cake.

When we moved to Manchester, one of the things we thought about was what church we would be attending. We had friends recommend churches to us but we don't have a car so we had to consider if the travel times and service times were able to fit our kids schedules. After looking at websites (church websites are SO important, guys!) and the locations, we decided to try out a church just a few bus stops down the same street.

It's a small church, no bigger than Cairnhill Methodist. Majority of the church members were Africans and there was a smaller majority of Whites. The speaker that day was African and I found out that day that the African accent is really close to the Singaporean one which actually make me feel somewhat at home. The people are all very friendly and the kids have been enjoying Sunday School. I have also come to look forward to seeing the colourful African clothing some of the older African women wear. Last week a lady in a golden head dress and shiny green dress came up to us to say hi. As she walked back to her seat, N turned to Q and whispered: 'Princess'. 😂

I found out that they ran a toddlers group on Tuesday mornings called 'Kids and Cake' and went to visit and see what it was like. One word. AMAZING. Honestly, they weren't doing anything out of the ordinary or anything really fancy. It is basically an informal meeting organized by a couple of moms with young children to provide other moms a place to hang out, have some time to chit chat, have a cuppa and some cake. But you know what stay at home moms with young kids REALLY NEED? Just that. Just a place to come and chit chat with other adults and have some hot tea or coffee WHILE IT IS STILL HOT and some cake while the kids get to play with toys that are new to them because it doesn't belong to them. During the last half an hour of the allotted 1.5 hrs we had, we kept all the toys and sat in a circle to read a bible story and sing some songs with the kids. The kids had such a nice time they didn't want to leave! Honestly I would stay there all day if I could too 😛.

One thing that particularly stood out to me was the lack of single use plastics.

The beautiful drinks station. 

Looking at the photo you would think we were having a formal conference but we weren't! There were only 10 mummies there today and it is an informal weekly drop in meeting.. you can come whenever you like from 10.30 am and leave whenever. The coffee provided was in a reusable container with a teaspoon stuck in instead of individual packets which was really useful because I think some of us like our coffee stronger while others prefer it a little weaker. If you needed stirrers, there were teaspoons or wooden sticks for when the teaspoons ran out. To be honest I felt the proper cups made the coffee tastier and made the mommies feel more taken care of. A cake was sometimes baked by a member in the church and placed in a Tupperware container (not a single use disposable box) that would be returned to them after the session was over (or probably on Sunday when they came for service if they couldn't come back to collect it). Other weeks, we would just have some biscuits to share. Although the biscuits were not homemade and not entirely waste free, they were not individually packed (A roll of biscuits in one plastic or paper packet = less waste) and if there were any leftovers, one of the mummies just took them home with them. The kids also had biscuits and fruits for a snack and a stack of kids bowls were provided for that.

N always has at least 2 servings of fruit 😂

I asked the lady in charge what they would do for a bigger function and she said it would be about the same. A few years ago they were still using disposables and single use items but the church decided to look into proper cutlery because they realised how wasteful it was when there was an increased awareness of single use plastics and waste in the UK. The church has the luxury of having their own building and they run some conferences there so it made sense to get a dishwasher for their cups and plates. When I related this to Q he said that the University catered food for the students during their welcome week and all the utensils were also proper reusable utensils with proper plates. LOVE.

Now that Singapore is also increasing awareness of the environmental impact of the waste we generate (not just plastic) are we doing anything about it or are we just brushing it off and saying it's just one straw, one plastic fork or one paper plate? Are we mindful of the amount of trash we generate at parties and gatherings just because we don't like to wash up after ourselves? How many times have we run functions for fewer people and just pulled out our disposables? I just went for a small birthday gathering last week where there were 8 people and they used disposables. Are we allowing 'inconvenience' to be a reason we don't make more earth friendly decisions? I don't think we all have the passion to live a zero waste life but I'm very sure that a lot of us are living an overly wasteful life. With the festive season coming up and parties about to ensue, I do hope that we are all thinking about how we can do things better this year. We can be better, and we must. I also hope that with the increased efforts to save the planet, the pledges companies are signing now and the increased questioning of our environmental impact, the generation after us will grow up being more mindful about their choices and grow up with better and more environmentally sustainable habits.

In other news, this also started me on reading about zero waste families and I am looking into making my own toothpaste (to Q's dismay 😂😂😂).

Contentment, what are we striving for?

This week, we invited our neighbours over for a meal and boy did it end up in a spiral of thoughts...

I always knew that growing up in Singapore put us at a great advantage over our SEA neighbours.. But after a meal with our Cambodian neighbours this week, we realised just how much privilege we have just growing up in Singapore. We met our neighbour V about a month ago when we moved into our apartment here in Manchester. He lives two doors down and and was very friendly from day one. His wife W just joined him here about a week ago so we decided to invite them over for a meal and get to know them better. I did a simple stir fry and they brought over some cupcakes and we had a great time talking over the simple fare.

V and W are in no way considered poor in Cambodia. They came to the UK on a scholarship and can afford to travel frequently. However when they shared about what they went through to have their daughter just a year ago, I realised that there is so much we take for granted. During labour, W was put into a room with 2 other ladies also in labour. V was hence not allowed to be in the room with her during that time and didn't have the privilege of seeing his own daughter being born. When V talked about having a second one, W just shook her head and said she still feels the pain from the first. She didn't have an epidural because that costed extra and it had too much risk in their country. I can't begin to imagine what she must have gone through.. When I told them that both K and N were Caesarean babies, they told us how going for a Caesarean was a very dangerous option in Cambodia. When V was born, they didn't even have access to doctors and hospitals. He was almost killed because his mom was in labour for 2 days and the village nurse said if he didn't come in 2 hours they would have to forgo having the baby to save his mom.

N and Aunty W.

Even during our parents' time, hospitals and doctors were available and very rarely do you hear stories like V's. When I had K, I could hear the lady in the next room screaming in pain.. that alone scared me. But I had Q beside me, and I didn't have to see the lady actually in pain. I also felt nothing because of the epidural. I didn't even think twice about taking the epidural! That's how much trust we have and can have in our health care professionals. As much as I like to complain about wait times at polyclinics and doctors, that is really a first world problem. At least I can be confident that I am getting a good standard of care and privacy is a basic right. I don't have to worry about being shoved into the labour ward with two strangers, and I didn't have to worry that I would die on the operating table when I had my C-sections. The lowest level of healthcare in Singapore is higher than their highest level. Sure, we know we are blessed to be in Singapore but we really don't realise just how blessed we are, do we?

K, N and Uncle V. Excuse the grape in N's mouth 😁

Our conversation at dinner made me think about how we take even the big things for granted and how our kids will likely do too because there is so much we have that we don't even have to think twice about. Not just clean drinking water, a well connected public transport system and education, but also so many toys that the issue we face is that the children are overwhelmed by choice. How many of us also struggle to manage clutter at home, having 5 pots and 10 pans, enough bowls to run a restaurant and clothes to open a departmental store? Q and I are already very far from being indulgent with our children and we live very minimally, but even so we have everything we need and more. How can we teach our children (and even ourselves) to be not only thankful for what we have but to be content? Instead of looking to what is the latest fashion, the latest toy or the latest gadget, to be content with what we have.

There will be some who say we shouldn't be content, we should always strive for the better. I agree, but I think that our striving shouldn't be for better things. I think our striving should be towards being a better person, to be better stewards of our money, to make the world a better place, to be greener, to make more sustainable choices. Idealistic? Maybe. But I personally think these things are much more worth striving for. At the end of our lives it won't matter how fast our cars are or how high tech our phones and gadgets are. The number of cool toys we have also won't matter. There are choices we can make now that have a longer lasting impact and these are the things we should be investing in and striving more towards. The money you choose to donate to providing access to education and clean water instead of buying that latest iPhone will change the entire life of another individual, not just your life for a few months till the next iPhone comes. Is your strive for the latest and the best also killing the very earth you live on? Instead of teaching our children to look for the next best thing on the market and striving for new shiny things, can we instead teach them how to use what they already have and to take good care of it so it lasts a long time? Also, how can we teach them the value in upcycling and show them the joy of giving new life to old items?

So much to think about... don't you think? 😉