Recently, K has been spending a lot more time with children her age by having regular playdates.
It has made me realise the importance these little sessions play in the development of her character, especially at this stage.
K gets a lot of time with adults and older people..
Of course she spends her entire day with me... but the majority of her interactions usually involve random aunty and uncles saying hi to her or older kids who are in primary school trying to play with her.
She doesn't get much interaction with kids closer to her age.
But I find that there is a whole other set of essential relational skills she can learns and picks up when she interacts with peers.
1. Sharing.
With older people, she usually is seen as the vulnerable party and is given whatever she reaches out for.
At home, there is no one to fight with her and I pretty much allow her to take what she wants unless it is harmful to her.
But when she has to interact and play with someone else her age, they tend to want the same thing at the same time and it forces the need to learn to share.
2. Accepting 'NO'
K is at an age where her favourite word and answer for everything is 'no'.
She will sometimes say 'no' even if she really means yes, just to see my reaction.
Because this is also when her speech is developing, her 'defiance' and will is usually deemed cute.
Just yesterday she had a little 'diva moment' and it was brushed off by observing adults as 'having character'.
I, as a mom, worry that she is starting to be spoilt by being allowed her way all the time and not having anyone to compete with for attention and resources...
So imagine my delight when I started to notice her little friend F saying 'no' to K during their playdates! hahaha..
I realise that this is exactly what a toddler needs: another equally strong willed toddler saying no to them to give them a taste of their own medicine once in a while.. hehe..
3. Challenging Ability
Another thing I observed was that K has a little bit of competitiveness in her.
If che che F can do something, she will also try to do that.
So when we were out one day at a play area and F decided to climb a hill, the normally cautious K decided that if F can do it, so can she.
And of course while my protective mother hen nature wanted to emerge, I sat back for a moment and watched her conquer that relatively steep hill on her own!
4. Caring and Being Gentle
K has also been spending some time with babies younger than her.
It puts her in a whole different position because now she is no longer the most vulnerable one.
In these instances, she is forced to learn to give way and be gentle with the younger baby... skills that are so so useful for when her own didi comes along.
I have to say that she has been doing this very well and she has shown the ability to be loving and gentle to babies younger than her.
K is now close to 20 months and is right smack in the middle of her character development age. I feel blessed that she has the opportunity to have playdates with peers her age to allow her to learn and exercise all these good relational skills which will help shape her character as well.
It is very heartwarming when I see K learning more and more to interact well with other children her age.
It makes me very happy when she shows great ability to get along well with her peers, show love, share and care for others.
There is only so much us parents can teach, and no matter how many times we read a book on sharing or let them watch a show on caring for others, nothing beats hands on throw you in the deep end real life experiences.
Also, I'm so thankful for all the wonderful parents who allow K to fumble around with their children to learn these valuable life lessons :)
Monday, December 14, 2015
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
20 weeks!
Littlest Lee is officially half baked! hahaha..
It's a little scary when I think about having to handle two in about 20 more weeks but it is going to be so fun (staying positive here).
This pregnancy has not been easy.
We actually went through a miscarriage earlier this year, just before we fell pregnant with LL.
Then when we got pregnant again I was so scared to test.
I felt that it was just easier if I didn't know for sure that I was pregnant and if I lose the baby again it would be like having my period late.
But after a while, the signs were so obvious and I started to have morning sickness and there was no doubt, with test or not, that I was with child.
Soon after, I again had bleeding which made us worry so much about whether we would be able to see our little baby.
We rushed to the gynae to have a check and thankfully, LL was well and good.
The gynae didn't know why I was bleeding but told me to take things easy.
However, being a SAHM means that taking things easy is pretty near impossible.. especially when you have a toddler.
So even though Q helped out with the heavier housework, I still had to try as much as I could to keep up with the chores while taking care of K.
At our second check up, the doctor again was worried because I wasn't putting on enough weight and the baby was also suffering due to me not gaining enough.
I was eating but it seems that my output was still more than my input.
The morning sickness and indigestion was also not helping as I had to keep my meals relatively small.
So now I have been eating whenever I can.
Lately, LL has been super active kicking away in utero... there were some moments when I even thought LL's foot was going to burst out of my belly because of how hard the kicks were!
I am savouring every single moment of this pregnancy.
K is also growing up and learning to be an independent little girl.
She plays on her own (or rather, role plays with her stuffed toys) much more frequently now giving me time on my own to do my chores or just sit and relax for a bit.
This morning, she brought me the book that was titled: 'I am a big sister' and made me read it to her 4 times back to back.
I think she is starting to have a slight inkling that something is happening and her life is about to change :)
This friday, we will be finding out if LL is going to be a little girl or a little boy.
It's very exciting and we are just really happy that we have made it this far.
It's a little scary when I think about having to handle two in about 20 more weeks but it is going to be so fun (staying positive here).
This pregnancy has not been easy.
We actually went through a miscarriage earlier this year, just before we fell pregnant with LL.
Then when we got pregnant again I was so scared to test.
I felt that it was just easier if I didn't know for sure that I was pregnant and if I lose the baby again it would be like having my period late.
But after a while, the signs were so obvious and I started to have morning sickness and there was no doubt, with test or not, that I was with child.
Soon after, I again had bleeding which made us worry so much about whether we would be able to see our little baby.
We rushed to the gynae to have a check and thankfully, LL was well and good.
The gynae didn't know why I was bleeding but told me to take things easy.
However, being a SAHM means that taking things easy is pretty near impossible.. especially when you have a toddler.
So even though Q helped out with the heavier housework, I still had to try as much as I could to keep up with the chores while taking care of K.
At our second check up, the doctor again was worried because I wasn't putting on enough weight and the baby was also suffering due to me not gaining enough.
I was eating but it seems that my output was still more than my input.
The morning sickness and indigestion was also not helping as I had to keep my meals relatively small.
So now I have been eating whenever I can.
Lately, LL has been super active kicking away in utero... there were some moments when I even thought LL's foot was going to burst out of my belly because of how hard the kicks were!
I am savouring every single moment of this pregnancy.
K is also growing up and learning to be an independent little girl.
She plays on her own (or rather, role plays with her stuffed toys) much more frequently now giving me time on my own to do my chores or just sit and relax for a bit.
This morning, she brought me the book that was titled: 'I am a big sister' and made me read it to her 4 times back to back.
I think she is starting to have a slight inkling that something is happening and her life is about to change :)
This friday, we will be finding out if LL is going to be a little girl or a little boy.
It's very exciting and we are just really happy that we have made it this far.
Any guesses to what we might be having? ;)
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Surviving without help, after confinement
Q says I have been doing voodoo on my mummy friends and so many have decided to become stay home moms.. hahaha..
I think it's great!
I like that I have companions now.. heehee...
Decided to write this post because I realised I wrote a post on how I survived confinement but not after..
It's harder a few months down when you run out of adrenaline and the sleep deprivation starts getting to you.
Being a SAHM is definitely not for everyone, just as being a working mom is not for everyone.
First off, I want to say that my experience might not be like another SAHM's.
Babies all have different temperaments and I was blessed with a fairly cooperative baby.
Even then, it was still difficult at times.
When Q went back to work and I was alone with K for a good 11-12 hrs a day.
I was faced with nothing but four walls and a baby who doesn't interact other than cry.
I needed human interaction, intellectual conversation, someone who would answer me when I asked a question.
When K refused to stop crying even though I have rocked her for an hour, there was no option to pass the baby to someone else.
When I've urgently needed the loo but K wanted her milk, there was no option to pass someone else the bottle while I went to relieve myself.
Some days I found myself stuck on the sofa with K sleeping on my chest for 3 hours.
Moms have said that after a few months of staying home with the baby, they looked forward to going back to work.
I too was looking forward to going back to work when the 4 month mark drew near.
But we realised that the only option was to put K in childcare if I wanted to go to work.
I was against engaging a domestic helper as I've witnessed kids being attached more to the domestic helper than their moms and I didn't want to risk that happening.
Even though Q was raised in a family that always had a domestic helper, he was also uncomfortable with having someone else stay in the house... lol...
So I made the decision to stay home instead.
The first few months were tough.
It was tough getting used to my life not being my life.
I couldn't sleep in (still can't), and my day started the minute I woke up or was woken up.
I couldn't nap or eat or drink or poop or pee whenever I wanted to.
I've only got one kid and am definitely no expert in this... but here are a few things I did that made it a lot easier for me.
One of the big things was the EASY schedule: Eat, Activity, Sleep, You
I found myself stressing whenever K skipped a nap or a feed etc.
But after a while, I realised that newborns are just unpredictable.
The books and guides are just that, guides.
They aren't the bible, and they certainly aren't the gospel truth.
There is a reason why there are so many different guides on how to take care of babies... they are not all the same.
So after a while, I just let things go as they were and made sure K slept when she was sleepy, ate when she was hungry, and was changed when she was dirty.
At 3 months, she found her own schedule and we stuck to it.
We definitely still gave her opportunities to self soothe etc and didn't jump at her every cry.
By God's mercy, she suddenly started sleeping 14 hours through the night.
I found that even though it was much easier just staying at home, I ended up being very grumpy at the end of the day and I would start to be impatient with K.
Sometimes, a quick shower once the baby was down for her nap was enough to make me feel better.
After K was sleeping regularly and napping on schedule, I made sure I stuck to the schedule.
I only took her out at 7.30am in the morning, regardless of the time she woke up.
I would wake up at 7am and give myself that 30 mins to wash up and have a nice cup of coffee or milk before I started the day.
When mummy is happy, baby is happy.
Try to do something you like to do at least once a day.
For me, an episode of CSI would make the day so much easier... So when K was napping I would indulge in an episode and a sweet cup of milo while I pumped.
It helped to make me feel a little less of a cow and more like a human.
Also, in those fateful moments when baby is screaming her head off but your bladder feels like it's about to burst, take that minute and go pee.
One minute more of crying will not scar your kid but holding the pee till the next unknown calm time might drive you insane.
So I had a schedule for the housework:
Monday: Wash 1 load of laundry, vacuum, mop.
Tuesday: Wash toilets, wipe all surfaces
Wednesday: Iron and keep laundry, vacuum, mop
Thursday: Wash 1 load of laundry
Friday: Rest/ change the sheets
Saturday: Iron and keep laundry, vacuum, mop, wash sheets
Sunday: Rest (or catch up on whatever I haven't done)
It went roughly like this every week and I was usually done with the cleaning/chores before lunch.
So it left me the afternoon to work/go out and get groceries.
Helped a ton to have some kind of momentum and it made sure I was in top of things.
By the way, I'm OCD that's why I vacuum and mop every other day... I actually vacuumed every day if I could and I usually could... but you probably don't need to.........
With regards to how K was while I did the chores, at the start it was difficult. I had to break down some chores into parts and give her some attention in between. But she got used to it and learnt that when mummy is busy, she has to occupy herself. Now she helps me out and I also picked up little tricks to occupying her while I do certain things.. e.g. giving her a spoon and cup to 'cook' while I cook, give her the box of pegs to play with while I hung up the laundry.
Everything is a phase.
Soon the newborn would be a baby and the baby, a toddler and the toddler, a child, and the child, a teenager (cries!).
Savour even the toughest moments and remember that no matter how hard of a time you are having, it will pass.
Also whenever I was having a particularly difficult day, I would spend some time just staring at K while she napped.
There is magic in a sleeping baby.
They always look so calm and content that it makes you calm and content just looking at them.
Yes, you are sleep deprived and you still have to get up and go to work while your wife 'just stays at home'.
But guess what?
You get that half an hour to yourself when you travel to and from work.
And when you get that stomach ache in the middle of a meeting, you get to go to the toilet when you want to.
Your wife is 100% with the baby and she doesn't even get to poop when she wants to.
So be supportive.
Don't grumble when your shirts are less pressed or you find yourself without socks at the end of the week.
Do the laundry on your own. Pick up that iron and iron. It's your chance to be Ironman!
I can tell you that the biggest thing that got me through this whole process is because Q takes the initiative to help out with the housework.
He also took the baby from me the minute he came home from work so that I could have some time to myself to get a drink of water or just sit and stone or finally PEE.
Seriously, small things like these helped a ton.
That's all I have from my little experience....
Now I'm looking forward to when I have a toddler AND a newborn to handle alone... just because it's a whole new adventure ahead! :)
I think it's great!
I like that I have companions now.. heehee...
Decided to write this post because I realised I wrote a post on how I survived confinement but not after..
It's harder a few months down when you run out of adrenaline and the sleep deprivation starts getting to you.
Being a SAHM is definitely not for everyone, just as being a working mom is not for everyone.
First off, I want to say that my experience might not be like another SAHM's.
Babies all have different temperaments and I was blessed with a fairly cooperative baby.
Even then, it was still difficult at times.
When Q went back to work and I was alone with K for a good 11-12 hrs a day.
I was faced with nothing but four walls and a baby who doesn't interact other than cry.
I needed human interaction, intellectual conversation, someone who would answer me when I asked a question.
When K refused to stop crying even though I have rocked her for an hour, there was no option to pass the baby to someone else.
When I've urgently needed the loo but K wanted her milk, there was no option to pass someone else the bottle while I went to relieve myself.
Some days I found myself stuck on the sofa with K sleeping on my chest for 3 hours.
Moms have said that after a few months of staying home with the baby, they looked forward to going back to work.
I too was looking forward to going back to work when the 4 month mark drew near.
But we realised that the only option was to put K in childcare if I wanted to go to work.
I was against engaging a domestic helper as I've witnessed kids being attached more to the domestic helper than their moms and I didn't want to risk that happening.
Even though Q was raised in a family that always had a domestic helper, he was also uncomfortable with having someone else stay in the house... lol...
So I made the decision to stay home instead.
The first few months were tough.
It was tough getting used to my life not being my life.
I couldn't sleep in (still can't), and my day started the minute I woke up or was woken up.
I couldn't nap or eat or drink or poop or pee whenever I wanted to.
I've only got one kid and am definitely no expert in this... but here are a few things I did that made it a lot easier for me.
1. Don't Stress on the Baby's Schedule
Q and I read 'Baby Whisperer' by Tracy Higgs and loved everything that was suggested.One of the big things was the EASY schedule: Eat, Activity, Sleep, You
I found myself stressing whenever K skipped a nap or a feed etc.
But after a while, I realised that newborns are just unpredictable.
The books and guides are just that, guides.
They aren't the bible, and they certainly aren't the gospel truth.
There is a reason why there are so many different guides on how to take care of babies... they are not all the same.
So after a while, I just let things go as they were and made sure K slept when she was sleepy, ate when she was hungry, and was changed when she was dirty.
At 3 months, she found her own schedule and we stuck to it.
We definitely still gave her opportunities to self soothe etc and didn't jump at her every cry.
By God's mercy, she suddenly started sleeping 14 hours through the night.
2. My Happiness is Important
I got cabin fever a few times and took every chance to head out to the nearby NTUC just to take a breather.I found that even though it was much easier just staying at home, I ended up being very grumpy at the end of the day and I would start to be impatient with K.
Sometimes, a quick shower once the baby was down for her nap was enough to make me feel better.
After K was sleeping regularly and napping on schedule, I made sure I stuck to the schedule.
I only took her out at 7.30am in the morning, regardless of the time she woke up.
I would wake up at 7am and give myself that 30 mins to wash up and have a nice cup of coffee or milk before I started the day.
3. It's okay to take time for yourself
Partially related to the previous point, remember to take care of yourself.When mummy is happy, baby is happy.
Try to do something you like to do at least once a day.
For me, an episode of CSI would make the day so much easier... So when K was napping I would indulge in an episode and a sweet cup of milo while I pumped.
It helped to make me feel a little less of a cow and more like a human.
Also, in those fateful moments when baby is screaming her head off but your bladder feels like it's about to burst, take that minute and go pee.
One minute more of crying will not scar your kid but holding the pee till the next unknown calm time might drive you insane.
4. Try to Schedule
At 6 months I started working from home 3 times a week and that took up half the day.So I had a schedule for the housework:
Monday: Wash 1 load of laundry, vacuum, mop.
Tuesday: Wash toilets, wipe all surfaces
Wednesday: Iron and keep laundry, vacuum, mop
Thursday: Wash 1 load of laundry
Friday: Rest/ change the sheets
Saturday: Iron and keep laundry, vacuum, mop, wash sheets
Sunday: Rest (or catch up on whatever I haven't done)
It went roughly like this every week and I was usually done with the cleaning/chores before lunch.
So it left me the afternoon to work/go out and get groceries.
Helped a ton to have some kind of momentum and it made sure I was in top of things.
By the way, I'm OCD that's why I vacuum and mop every other day... I actually vacuumed every day if I could and I usually could... but you probably don't need to.........
With regards to how K was while I did the chores, at the start it was difficult. I had to break down some chores into parts and give her some attention in between. But she got used to it and learnt that when mummy is busy, she has to occupy herself. Now she helps me out and I also picked up little tricks to occupying her while I do certain things.. e.g. giving her a spoon and cup to 'cook' while I cook, give her the box of pegs to play with while I hung up the laundry.
5. Remember, Everything is a Phase
The crankiness, the bad napping, the teething, the sleepless nights, the reflux.....Everything is a phase.
Soon the newborn would be a baby and the baby, a toddler and the toddler, a child, and the child, a teenager (cries!).
Savour even the toughest moments and remember that no matter how hard of a time you are having, it will pass.
Also whenever I was having a particularly difficult day, I would spend some time just staring at K while she napped.
There is magic in a sleeping baby.
They always look so calm and content that it makes you calm and content just looking at them.
6. This one is for the husbands: Be Supportive
Taking care of a baby is not easy.Yes, you are sleep deprived and you still have to get up and go to work while your wife 'just stays at home'.
But guess what?
You get that half an hour to yourself when you travel to and from work.
And when you get that stomach ache in the middle of a meeting, you get to go to the toilet when you want to.
Your wife is 100% with the baby and she doesn't even get to poop when she wants to.
So be supportive.
Don't grumble when your shirts are less pressed or you find yourself without socks at the end of the week.
Do the laundry on your own. Pick up that iron and iron. It's your chance to be Ironman!
I can tell you that the biggest thing that got me through this whole process is because Q takes the initiative to help out with the housework.
He also took the baby from me the minute he came home from work so that I could have some time to myself to get a drink of water or just sit and stone or finally PEE.
Seriously, small things like these helped a ton.
That's all I have from my little experience....
Now I'm looking forward to when I have a toddler AND a newborn to handle alone... just because it's a whole new adventure ahead! :)
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Inside Out
Yesterday, Q and I went for our first couples date without K in maybe a year!
We were blessed with a free pair of tickets and happily took the chance to catch a show, our first in 2 years.
Q wanted to watch it because it had psychological elements, I wanted to watch it because it looked funny and light hearted.
Well at the end of it, both of us were blown away by the movie but not because of either of those reasons.
In fact, I found myself sobbing through half the movie... so much for funny and light hearted.
This show has changed my perception on my time spent with K. I now see every moment as an opportunity to be part of her memories. I also start attributing her actions to the fictional little purple, red, blue green and yellow creatures in her little brain. She is really using her goofball island these days :)
What hit me the most during the movie wasn't the plot or the storyline, but the underlying truth that when we spend time with our children, we help form core memories that shape our child's personality.
It brings the meaning of quality time with our kids to a whole new level.
When our kids go through difficult times, when they feel sad, angry, fearful, disgusted or even happy, are we there to share those moments with them? And more importantly, are we there experiencing these key moments with them?
When we see time spent with our kids as opportunities to be part of pivotal moments that shape their personalities, doesn't that make everything else we could be doing instead become so insignificant?
It does to me...
I want to be part of as many of K's core memories as possible.
I want to be there with her when she goes through tough difficult times as well as good ones and build that family island strong, big and beautiful.
Well, after the show instead of going with our initial plan of taking a long and relaxing lunch without having to entertain a 16 month old while trying to eat, the only thing on our mind was to get home.
There was nothing in the world more important than hugging our little one and seizing the most of what was left of the day to make some awesome memories together.
We were blessed with a free pair of tickets and happily took the chance to catch a show, our first in 2 years.
Q wanted to watch it because it had psychological elements, I wanted to watch it because it looked funny and light hearted.
Well at the end of it, both of us were blown away by the movie but not because of either of those reasons.
In fact, I found myself sobbing through half the movie... so much for funny and light hearted.
This show has changed my perception on my time spent with K. I now see every moment as an opportunity to be part of her memories. I also start attributing her actions to the fictional little purple, red, blue green and yellow creatures in her little brain. She is really using her goofball island these days :)
What hit me the most during the movie wasn't the plot or the storyline, but the underlying truth that when we spend time with our children, we help form core memories that shape our child's personality.
It brings the meaning of quality time with our kids to a whole new level.
When our kids go through difficult times, when they feel sad, angry, fearful, disgusted or even happy, are we there to share those moments with them? And more importantly, are we there experiencing these key moments with them?
When we see time spent with our kids as opportunities to be part of pivotal moments that shape their personalities, doesn't that make everything else we could be doing instead become so insignificant?
It does to me...
I want to be part of as many of K's core memories as possible.
I want to be there with her when she goes through tough difficult times as well as good ones and build that family island strong, big and beautiful.
Well, after the show instead of going with our initial plan of taking a long and relaxing lunch without having to entertain a 16 month old while trying to eat, the only thing on our mind was to get home.
There was nothing in the world more important than hugging our little one and seizing the most of what was left of the day to make some awesome memories together.
Monday, August 24, 2015
Vaccination and Autism
I've been asked quite a lot lately about my view towards vaccination and the risk of Autism..
Probably because I used to work in the field of Autism and have a child under 2 years of age which is when most kids get a lot of vaccinations...
My simple answer is a simple question:
Would you rather have a child with Autism or a child who is dead?
Maybe dead is a bit extreme and under physical torture and pain for weeks may be a little closer...
But you get the idea.
The link between vaccination and Autism is not proven.
And the study that linked the two has been discredited so many times.
But if you want to play it safe, let's just assume the risk is there.
So the risk of being vaccinated is getting autism.
The risk of not being vaccinated?
Let's see...
A whole lot of diseases of which many are fatal.
If you don't know what that means, it means suffering or/and death.
I have seen how parents with autistic children struggle and I have struggled along side them so I am definitely not alien to what it means to have a child living with Autism.
The bottom line is this: Autism is not a death sentence.
With early intervention and therapy, many children grow up to be fully functioning individuals who are capable of contributing meaningfully to the community.
So yes, even if the risk of autism is true I will choose to vaccinate my children because I would rather have a child with autism than a child in the grave.
Probably because I used to work in the field of Autism and have a child under 2 years of age which is when most kids get a lot of vaccinations...
My simple answer is a simple question:
Would you rather have a child with Autism or a child who is dead?
Maybe dead is a bit extreme and under physical torture and pain for weeks may be a little closer...
But you get the idea.
The link between vaccination and Autism is not proven.
And the study that linked the two has been discredited so many times.
But if you want to play it safe, let's just assume the risk is there.
So the risk of being vaccinated is getting autism.
The risk of not being vaccinated?
Let's see...
A whole lot of diseases of which many are fatal.
If you don't know what that means, it means suffering or/and death.
I have seen how parents with autistic children struggle and I have struggled along side them so I am definitely not alien to what it means to have a child living with Autism.
The bottom line is this: Autism is not a death sentence.
With early intervention and therapy, many children grow up to be fully functioning individuals who are capable of contributing meaningfully to the community.
So yes, even if the risk of autism is true I will choose to vaccinate my children because I would rather have a child with autism than a child in the grave.
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Three? No.. Four.
I haven't been keeping up with the blogging lately...
Mostly because I simply haven't had any spare time to do anything!
Between the household chores, occupying K with 'educational activities' and cooking for three now, I am exhausted.
Another reason for my exhaustion is also that I have one more thing on my list....
Growing another little human being.
I'm not sure if this is the toughest part about having another child but it sure feels like it!
This pregnancy has not been easy at all.
I have been utterly exhausted.
Pair that with the day long morning sickness, a blocked and running nose, on and off headaches.. URGH.
When you are on the verge of throwing up and dealing with a throbbing head, it is not easy to cook and feed a toddler much less play with one.
I JUST WANT TO LIE DOWN AND SLEEP.
I find myself crashing on the sofa while K uses me as a human jungle gym between her nap times and after I put her down for her nap, I sleep some more!
And as you can guess, with all that sleeping I simply don't get much done.
For now if I manage to do ONE chore a day and get food on the table on time, it is considered a good day...
Thinking about managing two on my own at the moment is slightly overwhelming and I have been doing as much reading as I can manage.
From what I have gathered so far, it seems like the first 3 months will just be utter chaos and things will start to stabilise and if I can just get to 6 months I will be good.
But we'll only know when the time comes.
I guess this time round I kinda have a better idea of what to expect which definitely helps a bit..
But as they say, every baby is different.
So for now even with all the planning and calculating and preparing, I am praying every single day and moment that this baby growing inside is a very calm, happy baby who eats and sleeps very very very well.
I am thankful that K is a relatively good kid.
She will be close to what they call the 'terrible twos' when this one comes along but we are praying that it would be the 'terrific twos' instead ;)
Mostly because I simply haven't had any spare time to do anything!
Between the household chores, occupying K with 'educational activities' and cooking for three now, I am exhausted.
Another reason for my exhaustion is also that I have one more thing on my list....
Growing another little human being.
I'm not sure if this is the toughest part about having another child but it sure feels like it!
This pregnancy has not been easy at all.
I have been utterly exhausted.
Pair that with the day long morning sickness, a blocked and running nose, on and off headaches.. URGH.
When you are on the verge of throwing up and dealing with a throbbing head, it is not easy to cook and feed a toddler much less play with one.
I JUST WANT TO LIE DOWN AND SLEEP.
I find myself crashing on the sofa while K uses me as a human jungle gym between her nap times and after I put her down for her nap, I sleep some more!
And as you can guess, with all that sleeping I simply don't get much done.
For now if I manage to do ONE chore a day and get food on the table on time, it is considered a good day...
Thinking about managing two on my own at the moment is slightly overwhelming and I have been doing as much reading as I can manage.
From what I have gathered so far, it seems like the first 3 months will just be utter chaos and things will start to stabilise and if I can just get to 6 months I will be good.
But we'll only know when the time comes.
I guess this time round I kinda have a better idea of what to expect which definitely helps a bit..
But as they say, every baby is different.
So for now even with all the planning and calculating and preparing, I am praying every single day and moment that this baby growing inside is a very calm, happy baby who eats and sleeps very very very well.
I am thankful that K is a relatively good kid.
She will be close to what they call the 'terrible twos' when this one comes along but we are praying that it would be the 'terrific twos' instead ;)
Monday, August 3, 2015
Easy Yummy Beef Stew
Sometimes, I don't get enough time in the day to cook a decent meal..
I usually just wing it for lunch because it's just me.
As long as K has something good to eat, I'm fine having even just a bowl of cereal.
So on the rare weekend that I have time to slow cook a stew, I grab it.
This is one of Q's favourite stews.
It's super easy to make.
The only difficult part is that it is quite time consuming as it needs enough time on the stove for the beef to soften nicely.
If you use a pressure cooker or one of those contraptions that allow you to keep things simmering then this recipe would take you no time at all!
This recipe usually makes enough for 4-5 meals.
I usually just make as much as my pot and freezer can take.
The stew freezes very well and is definitely delicious and comforting for the end of a very busy day.
Ingredients:
2 packets of Amir's Beef Cubes thawed (Found at NTUC frozen section)
1 tablespoon of corn starch
2 bay leaves
3 cubes of Maggie beef stock
4 litres of water
3 white/yellow onions (sliced)
5 carrots (sliced/cubed)
6 potatoes (cubed)
1 tablespoon of tomato ketchup
Can of beer or 2 cups of dry red wine (optional)
Salt
Pepper
1. Cut the beef cubes roughly into half and season them with salt and pepper.
2. Fry the beef chunks in the pot that you are using for the stew until they have a slight char then remove from the pot.
3. Fry the onions in the same pot until they are soft and translucent.
4. Throw back the beef chunks and add tomato ketchup. (You can add some beer or red wine here if you like)
5. Pour in the water and the beef stock and bring to boil. Meanwhile, dissolve the cornstarch in some water.
6. Once the stock is boiling, add in the bay leaves and cornstarch mixture then bring the fire down so that the stew is at a simmer and let it simmer for at least 4 hours (I did 10 the last time and it was glorious!). In the meantime, just check back every 45mins to an hour to top up on water if necessary.
7. About half an hour before you plan to eat, throw in the carrots and 15 mins later, the potatoes.
That's it!
Lovely over rice or you can just toast some bread or french loaves and dip.
This entire pot of stew costs less than $10 to make... which means $2 a meal for 2 :)
Win! :)
PS: More potatoes and carrot means more stew and less cost per meal. Also, the broth is so good that even meat lover Q doesn't mind just broth, potatoes and carrots.
PPS: You can add celery too for variety. Just add them with the carrots so they have the chance to get nice and soft :)
I usually just wing it for lunch because it's just me.
As long as K has something good to eat, I'm fine having even just a bowl of cereal.
So on the rare weekend that I have time to slow cook a stew, I grab it.
This is one of Q's favourite stews.
It's super easy to make.
The only difficult part is that it is quite time consuming as it needs enough time on the stove for the beef to soften nicely.
If you use a pressure cooker or one of those contraptions that allow you to keep things simmering then this recipe would take you no time at all!
This recipe usually makes enough for 4-5 meals.
I usually just make as much as my pot and freezer can take.
The stew freezes very well and is definitely delicious and comforting for the end of a very busy day.
Ingredients:
2 packets of Amir's Beef Cubes thawed (Found at NTUC frozen section)
1 tablespoon of corn starch
2 bay leaves
3 cubes of Maggie beef stock
4 litres of water
3 white/yellow onions (sliced)
5 carrots (sliced/cubed)
6 potatoes (cubed)
1 tablespoon of tomato ketchup
Can of beer or 2 cups of dry red wine (optional)
Salt
Pepper
1. Cut the beef cubes roughly into half and season them with salt and pepper.
2. Fry the beef chunks in the pot that you are using for the stew until they have a slight char then remove from the pot.
3. Fry the onions in the same pot until they are soft and translucent.
4. Throw back the beef chunks and add tomato ketchup. (You can add some beer or red wine here if you like)
5. Pour in the water and the beef stock and bring to boil. Meanwhile, dissolve the cornstarch in some water.
6. Once the stock is boiling, add in the bay leaves and cornstarch mixture then bring the fire down so that the stew is at a simmer and let it simmer for at least 4 hours (I did 10 the last time and it was glorious!). In the meantime, just check back every 45mins to an hour to top up on water if necessary.
7. About half an hour before you plan to eat, throw in the carrots and 15 mins later, the potatoes.
That's it!
Lovely over rice or you can just toast some bread or french loaves and dip.
This entire pot of stew costs less than $10 to make... which means $2 a meal for 2 :)
Win! :)
PS: More potatoes and carrot means more stew and less cost per meal. Also, the broth is so good that even meat lover Q doesn't mind just broth, potatoes and carrots.
PPS: You can add celery too for variety. Just add them with the carrots so they have the chance to get nice and soft :)
Saturday, June 20, 2015
My Dad
I've never really been a daddy's girl.
Mom stayed home with us so we grew up really close to our mom and dad just kinda tagged along.
Dad was a very conservative dad.
I had a 9pm curfew even in JC and could only get my ears pierced in J2.
We could never wear spaghetti tops because he would say that if anyone were to snip the strap with a pair of scissors it would fall off.
Don't even think about tube tops which were all the rage then!
Our wardrobe consisted of church/youth camp t-shirts and jeans.
I never went for sleepovers or birthday parties.
I never went out after school to Holland V with our school mates.
But after I got married, became a parent myself, and started noticing and interacting with other parents and other dads, I realise how great a dad I've got.
My dad is now retired, but he is never found slouching in front of the tv.
We haven't had a helper since I was about 5.
In the past, my mom would do the housework while my dad worked.
But when my mom started working, he helped her out with the housework.
Now, my mom is still working while he is retired so he does ALL the housework... from washing and ironing the laundry to vacuuming and mopping the floor.
And mind you, his floor area is much bigger than my 5-room HDB AND he is what the government considers a 'Senior Citizen'.
But those factors don't stop him!
He takes public transport everywhere and never complains about it.
It takes him an hour and a half to get from his place to mine by public transport but he and my mom still come once a week to see K bringing all sorts of goodies.
When I was down with a fever, he woke up at 6am in the morning to travel to my place by bus so that he would be here by 8am and I would have help right after Q left for work.
He is never afraid to squat or crawl or make a fool out of himself to cajole a smile out of K.
But all these amazing things are just a reflection of what kind of a man he is.
He is never afraid of hard work and never sees anything as beneath him.
He comes from a generation where men expect to be treated like kings in the home and never have to touch a dirty dish or pick up after themselves.
I have seen men in his generation expect everything served to them and expect everyone to listen to them just because.
But Dad is not like that.
He instead taught me that respect should be given to everyone regardless of seniority.
He taught me to always be genuine and truthful.
He taught me never to be afraid of hard work, and to always strive to do my best in anything I do.
He also taught me to always live frugally and to be very careful about my purchases.
He taught me to take care of my things so that they would last a long long time.
He taught me the value of being satisfied with what I have and that the chase for the latest is a downward spiral.
He also taught me that actions often speak louder than words, and to go the extra mile to make someone happy if I can.
We still have our arguments.. What father and daughter duo doesn't right?
But all in all, he is a very very great dad.
I wouldn't want to have any other dad.
Have a great Father's day, daddy!
I love you!
Mom stayed home with us so we grew up really close to our mom and dad just kinda tagged along.
Dad was a very conservative dad.
I had a 9pm curfew even in JC and could only get my ears pierced in J2.
We could never wear spaghetti tops because he would say that if anyone were to snip the strap with a pair of scissors it would fall off.
Don't even think about tube tops which were all the rage then!
Our wardrobe consisted of church/youth camp t-shirts and jeans.
I never went for sleepovers or birthday parties.
I never went out after school to Holland V with our school mates.
But after I got married, became a parent myself, and started noticing and interacting with other parents and other dads, I realise how great a dad I've got.
My dad is now retired, but he is never found slouching in front of the tv.
We haven't had a helper since I was about 5.
In the past, my mom would do the housework while my dad worked.
But when my mom started working, he helped her out with the housework.
Now, my mom is still working while he is retired so he does ALL the housework... from washing and ironing the laundry to vacuuming and mopping the floor.
And mind you, his floor area is much bigger than my 5-room HDB AND he is what the government considers a 'Senior Citizen'.
But those factors don't stop him!
He takes public transport everywhere and never complains about it.
It takes him an hour and a half to get from his place to mine by public transport but he and my mom still come once a week to see K bringing all sorts of goodies.
When I was down with a fever, he woke up at 6am in the morning to travel to my place by bus so that he would be here by 8am and I would have help right after Q left for work.
He is never afraid to squat or crawl or make a fool out of himself to cajole a smile out of K.
But all these amazing things are just a reflection of what kind of a man he is.
He is never afraid of hard work and never sees anything as beneath him.
He comes from a generation where men expect to be treated like kings in the home and never have to touch a dirty dish or pick up after themselves.
I have seen men in his generation expect everything served to them and expect everyone to listen to them just because.
But Dad is not like that.
He instead taught me that respect should be given to everyone regardless of seniority.
He taught me to always be genuine and truthful.
He taught me never to be afraid of hard work, and to always strive to do my best in anything I do.
He also taught me to always live frugally and to be very careful about my purchases.
He taught me to take care of my things so that they would last a long long time.
He taught me the value of being satisfied with what I have and that the chase for the latest is a downward spiral.
He also taught me that actions often speak louder than words, and to go the extra mile to make someone happy if I can.
We still have our arguments.. What father and daughter duo doesn't right?
But all in all, he is a very very great dad.
I wouldn't want to have any other dad.
Have a great Father's day, daddy!
I love you!
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Church Camp
So this year, Q and I decided that we would go for church camp.
We had missed last year's because K was still really little and it just felt right to go this year.
We really didn't have a good reason not to.
I was slightly nervous as the day drew near as K has proven that she doesn't really do very well in new places.
She gets really scared and doesn't sleep well, leaving the both of us a little zombified.
But at the back of my mind I was trying to tell myself that she is a little older now, maybe it'll be better.
Well, we didn't get out room the first day we were there till just before dinner so naps were pretty much in the conference room in the carrier.
K had 2 short half an hour naps but I thought it was okay... better than nothing.
Night time came and K turned into a newborn baby.
She needed us to soothe her throughout the night!
People with newborns know that there is a certain period at night that we call the 'witching hour'.
During this time, you have NO idea what is wrong or what to do.
You just have a very fussy baby, and very tired parents.
Well, our witching hour spanned from 8pm till 7am the next morning.
As you can imagine, that meant two zombies walking around the next day.
Every one else thought we had a fantastic night because K was her usual happy sociable self.
But if you looked closely enough, you could see the bags under our eyes.
The second night, I thanked God that this was a relatively short camp and we would be home by the next night.
We tried again to put her to sleep in her own cot thinking by now she should not feel as unsure about the new place..
But she still did her usual crying and screaming.
This time, she did it till she threw up all over the cot and rendered the cot uninhabitable.
So, the only choice was to put her in bed with us.
Well, K spent the entire night sleeping ON me.
Let's just say, at least we got some sleep.
But I must say that throughout the camp, even though I was super sleep deprived, I did not even feel sleepy during the sessions.
Pastor Steve Chua, our camp speaker, was super engaging and his sessions were very good.
Even minding a fussy toddler in my zombie state did not make me zone out from what he was imparting and I was truly blessed.
THAT was the only redeeming factor I felt.
Other than that, K was a good baby.
Despite being sleep deprived herself, she was only really cranky on the last day.
All of us were a little cranky by then I think.
Now, we are back home and K is still crying while we try to put her to bed.
It's going to take a few nights before she gets back into her routine.
Well, we have decided that we will not attempt any more trips away from home for now.
I think I would much rather holiday at home than anywhere else at this point!
We had missed last year's because K was still really little and it just felt right to go this year.
We really didn't have a good reason not to.
I was slightly nervous as the day drew near as K has proven that she doesn't really do very well in new places.
She gets really scared and doesn't sleep well, leaving the both of us a little zombified.
But at the back of my mind I was trying to tell myself that she is a little older now, maybe it'll be better.
Well, we didn't get out room the first day we were there till just before dinner so naps were pretty much in the conference room in the carrier.
K had 2 short half an hour naps but I thought it was okay... better than nothing.
Night time came and K turned into a newborn baby.
She needed us to soothe her throughout the night!
People with newborns know that there is a certain period at night that we call the 'witching hour'.
During this time, you have NO idea what is wrong or what to do.
You just have a very fussy baby, and very tired parents.
Well, our witching hour spanned from 8pm till 7am the next morning.
As you can imagine, that meant two zombies walking around the next day.
Every one else thought we had a fantastic night because K was her usual happy sociable self.
But if you looked closely enough, you could see the bags under our eyes.
The second night, I thanked God that this was a relatively short camp and we would be home by the next night.
We tried again to put her to sleep in her own cot thinking by now she should not feel as unsure about the new place..
But she still did her usual crying and screaming.
This time, she did it till she threw up all over the cot and rendered the cot uninhabitable.
So, the only choice was to put her in bed with us.
Well, K spent the entire night sleeping ON me.
Let's just say, at least we got some sleep.
But I must say that throughout the camp, even though I was super sleep deprived, I did not even feel sleepy during the sessions.
Pastor Steve Chua, our camp speaker, was super engaging and his sessions were very good.
Even minding a fussy toddler in my zombie state did not make me zone out from what he was imparting and I was truly blessed.
THAT was the only redeeming factor I felt.
Other than that, K was a good baby.
Despite being sleep deprived herself, she was only really cranky on the last day.
All of us were a little cranky by then I think.
Now, we are back home and K is still crying while we try to put her to bed.
It's going to take a few nights before she gets back into her routine.
Well, we have decided that we will not attempt any more trips away from home for now.
I think I would much rather holiday at home than anywhere else at this point!
Friday, June 12, 2015
My Obsession
I have an obsession... with cleanliness.
I love to spring clean.
I love to declutter.
I love to clean.
People who know me and have been to my house know that I have a zero tolerance policy for clutter.
I am very harsh when it comes to clutter.
If it is deemed clutter in my eyes, it goes.
I don't keep things in a corner in the house for that hypothetical day I might need it.
Everything has it's place in the house and is religiously put back in it's place every time after it is used.
This includes K's toys.
She has 3 boxes.
One for soft toys, one for hard toys and one for books.
She naps twice a day and the 5 minutes before each nap is dedicated to putting back all the toys that she has taken out and changing her diaper.
I also have a very low tolerance for dust and dirt.
I must say that this low tolerance is not as low as before, because when I was handling a newborn I had to get used to only a couple of cleaning sessions a week.
So I have a greater tolerance now but it is still quite low.
My home is very white.
We have white cabinets for our kitchen, white tiled floors in the living room and the walls are all very slightly off-white.
The master bedroom toilet is also very white.
When we were designing our house, we were advised against using white because white doesn't hide dirt.
But we CHOSE white because white doesn't hide dirt.
I like to know when something is dirty and needs cleaning.
Some might see my home as a very cold house.
We have very few pictures because picture frames means dust.
The dishes don't stay dirty in the sink longer than half an hour.
I usually wash as I cook.
So often, the dishes don't even get to touch the sink.
I used to vacuum every day but Q bought me a robot vacuum recently so now I run the robot vacuum every day and then do a manual vacuum once a week.
I actually look forward to that weekly vacuum session.
I will wipe all the surfaces down and do a good dusting.
Vacuum even the sofa and the fans... and then vacuum the robot vacuum as well.
I do all this cleaning, packing because it makes me happy!
Sometimes when I've had a very busy day and K has been particularly fussy and I couldn't get much done, I grumpily turn to Q and apologise for how messy the house is and he looks at me like I'm crazy.
But that is me.
Hi, my name is Amelia.
I am a clean freak.
I love to spring clean.
I love to declutter.
I love to clean.
People who know me and have been to my house know that I have a zero tolerance policy for clutter.
I am very harsh when it comes to clutter.
If it is deemed clutter in my eyes, it goes.
I don't keep things in a corner in the house for that hypothetical day I might need it.
Everything has it's place in the house and is religiously put back in it's place every time after it is used.
This includes K's toys.
She has 3 boxes.
One for soft toys, one for hard toys and one for books.
She naps twice a day and the 5 minutes before each nap is dedicated to putting back all the toys that she has taken out and changing her diaper.
I also have a very low tolerance for dust and dirt.
I must say that this low tolerance is not as low as before, because when I was handling a newborn I had to get used to only a couple of cleaning sessions a week.
So I have a greater tolerance now but it is still quite low.
My home is very white.
We have white cabinets for our kitchen, white tiled floors in the living room and the walls are all very slightly off-white.
The master bedroom toilet is also very white.
When we were designing our house, we were advised against using white because white doesn't hide dirt.
But we CHOSE white because white doesn't hide dirt.
I like to know when something is dirty and needs cleaning.
Some might see my home as a very cold house.
We have very few pictures because picture frames means dust.
The dishes don't stay dirty in the sink longer than half an hour.
I usually wash as I cook.
So often, the dishes don't even get to touch the sink.
I used to vacuum every day but Q bought me a robot vacuum recently so now I run the robot vacuum every day and then do a manual vacuum once a week.
I actually look forward to that weekly vacuum session.
I will wipe all the surfaces down and do a good dusting.
Vacuum even the sofa and the fans... and then vacuum the robot vacuum as well.
I do all this cleaning, packing because it makes me happy!
Sometimes when I've had a very busy day and K has been particularly fussy and I couldn't get much done, I grumpily turn to Q and apologise for how messy the house is and he looks at me like I'm crazy.
But that is me.
Hi, my name is Amelia.
I am a clean freak.
Saturday, June 6, 2015
Blessed
Apparently my post about how our family is surviving after we decided I was to be a SAHM has caused some people to think that we have financial difficulties.
Here I am to say, no! We are not having financial difficulties! :)
Money isn't in abundance but we have enough.
We are making the decision to live frugally because we decided that we want to live within our means and have enough to save for another rainy day if it ever comes too.
Also although we have chosen to forgo some things, we are very blessed with friends and family who have been blessing us with these luxuries we have chosen to give up.
I have an amazing family who brings over with sushi, bubble tea or whatever our current craving is when they come and visit.
A very dear friend treated me to a day off from being a SAHM and a very expensive clay crafting class where I got to stoop over a table making tiny rainbow cakes and not have to care about diapers and feeding a baby or naps for 5 hours.
I also have a great group of church mummies who support and bless me in different ways... clothes, toys, books, prayer support etc...
I was just telling Q today that if everyone were to share toys and pass around toys like these mummies have, there really would be no more need for toy companies to continue operation.
We have bought her ONE toy so far but she has 4 overflowing boxes of toys once we include all the other hand-me-downs that were actually in perfect condition!
We have really been immensely blessed by many people and these few months have been far from tough.
We both have also come to realize that we have really been living a life of excess.
All those restaurant dinners that we have spent on, those elaborate weekly brunches, buying the latest gadgets just to keep up with the times, or things just in case we need something like that...
We don't feel any more miserable eating primarily at hawker centres and food courts.
We are actually happier because we don't need to wait for waiters who never notice you, no longer need to pay service charge, and can have different cuisines depending on our own personal cravings and preferences!
Buying things are now based on what we need, so we don't spend hours trawling online shopping sites looking for something nice to buy ourselves.
Our waistlines are now trimmer too from having home cooked food more often and lesser sugar laden sodas!
Happiness now comes from spending quality time with people that matter and realising that we are surrounded by people who truly care about us....
And isn't that what true happiness is? :)
Here I am to say, no! We are not having financial difficulties! :)
Money isn't in abundance but we have enough.
We are making the decision to live frugally because we decided that we want to live within our means and have enough to save for another rainy day if it ever comes too.
Also although we have chosen to forgo some things, we are very blessed with friends and family who have been blessing us with these luxuries we have chosen to give up.
I have an amazing family who brings over with sushi, bubble tea or whatever our current craving is when they come and visit.
A very dear friend treated me to a day off from being a SAHM and a very expensive clay crafting class where I got to stoop over a table making tiny rainbow cakes and not have to care about diapers and feeding a baby or naps for 5 hours.
My Creation! ;)
I was just telling Q today that if everyone were to share toys and pass around toys like these mummies have, there really would be no more need for toy companies to continue operation.
We have bought her ONE toy so far but she has 4 overflowing boxes of toys once we include all the other hand-me-downs that were actually in perfect condition!
We have really been immensely blessed by many people and these few months have been far from tough.
We both have also come to realize that we have really been living a life of excess.
All those restaurant dinners that we have spent on, those elaborate weekly brunches, buying the latest gadgets just to keep up with the times, or things just in case we need something like that...
We don't feel any more miserable eating primarily at hawker centres and food courts.
We are actually happier because we don't need to wait for waiters who never notice you, no longer need to pay service charge, and can have different cuisines depending on our own personal cravings and preferences!
Buying things are now based on what we need, so we don't spend hours trawling online shopping sites looking for something nice to buy ourselves.
Our waistlines are now trimmer too from having home cooked food more often and lesser sugar laden sodas!
Happiness now comes from spending quality time with people that matter and realising that we are surrounded by people who truly care about us....
And isn't that what true happiness is? :)
Monday, June 1, 2015
When Others Try To Parent For Me
Being the main caregiver of K, I take care of her life from what she eats to when she naps to how she sleeps.
There are many many different ways to take care of babies.
You can breastfeed and you can formula feed.
You can be 100% organic or be totally lax with what your baby eats.
You can co-sleep and you can make sure baby sleeps in her own cot in her own room.
You can sleep train and you can let your baby decide for themselves when they are ready to sleep through the night.
And of course there is also everything else in between.
Well, I chose to breastfeed as much as I could and use formula to top up whatever I couldn't.
I chose to go natural with food, no salt, no seasoning.
I boil/steam everything and made sure K never had artificial sugar and sweets till she was at least one.
I chose to make sure she slept in her own cot in her own room from the day she came home from the hospital.
I slept train her at 3 months and then again at 6 months.
I don't run to pick her up every time she cries and often treat her crying as a form of communication like talking.
I don't baby proof my home (other than the one baby gate to the toilet that has no door) but chose instead to teach K boundaries and to listen when I say no.
I let her knock her head into tables and walls and cupboards so that she would learn how to estimate her own height vs the height allowance of different parts of the house.
When she throws a tantrum and doesn't eat the meal prepared for her, I don't offer an alternative and she has to wait till the next meal even if she is hungry.
With any choice you make, there will be naysayers and people who think what you are doing is outrightly wrong.
I've had people tell me I need to let my baby get used to eating salt, buy baby proofing items to make me baby proof my house and tell me that leaving my baby to cry or be hungry is torturing her.
As a first time mom, I admit there are many things I don't know.
That is why I read extensively before K arrived and still continue to read extensively about different things I would encounter as she passed her milestones.
As I stated earlier, there is no one right way to do things. Everything is up to what you prefer, what you believe and where your comfort zone lies.
Being a parent is never easy.
And just because something works on one kid, it doesn't mean it will work on another.
Sharing your parenting experience is one thing, but trying to force it on others and openly putting down other people's parenting choices to me is just disrespectful and mean.
When others try to force their opinions on me, I give them this card:
Just kidding!
While there are some things that are definite no-nos, like giving your baby water before they start solids and honey before they turn the age of one, I must say that kids are super resilient to different parenting styles.
When I receive (what I feel in my opinion) very ridiculous suggestions about how to parent K, I often look at the children of these people who gave the suggestions. And shockingly enough, most of the time they are perfectly great people!
At the end of the day, I believe with my whole heart that as long as I do what I feel is best for K and commit her to God and do my best to teach her about Him, God will take care of it all and K will grow up a beautiful woman, inside and out.
When we rely on God, He works despite our human shortfalls and weaknesses and makes everything good in the end!
There are many many different ways to take care of babies.
You can breastfeed and you can formula feed.
You can be 100% organic or be totally lax with what your baby eats.
You can co-sleep and you can make sure baby sleeps in her own cot in her own room.
You can sleep train and you can let your baby decide for themselves when they are ready to sleep through the night.
And of course there is also everything else in between.
Well, I chose to breastfeed as much as I could and use formula to top up whatever I couldn't.
I chose to go natural with food, no salt, no seasoning.
I boil/steam everything and made sure K never had artificial sugar and sweets till she was at least one.
I chose to make sure she slept in her own cot in her own room from the day she came home from the hospital.
I slept train her at 3 months and then again at 6 months.
I don't run to pick her up every time she cries and often treat her crying as a form of communication like talking.
I don't baby proof my home (other than the one baby gate to the toilet that has no door) but chose instead to teach K boundaries and to listen when I say no.
I let her knock her head into tables and walls and cupboards so that she would learn how to estimate her own height vs the height allowance of different parts of the house.
When she throws a tantrum and doesn't eat the meal prepared for her, I don't offer an alternative and she has to wait till the next meal even if she is hungry.
With any choice you make, there will be naysayers and people who think what you are doing is outrightly wrong.
I've had people tell me I need to let my baby get used to eating salt, buy baby proofing items to make me baby proof my house and tell me that leaving my baby to cry or be hungry is torturing her.
As a first time mom, I admit there are many things I don't know.
That is why I read extensively before K arrived and still continue to read extensively about different things I would encounter as she passed her milestones.
As I stated earlier, there is no one right way to do things. Everything is up to what you prefer, what you believe and where your comfort zone lies.
Being a parent is never easy.
And just because something works on one kid, it doesn't mean it will work on another.
Sharing your parenting experience is one thing, but trying to force it on others and openly putting down other people's parenting choices to me is just disrespectful and mean.
When others try to force their opinions on me, I give them this card:
Just kidding!
While there are some things that are definite no-nos, like giving your baby water before they start solids and honey before they turn the age of one, I must say that kids are super resilient to different parenting styles.
When I receive (what I feel in my opinion) very ridiculous suggestions about how to parent K, I often look at the children of these people who gave the suggestions. And shockingly enough, most of the time they are perfectly great people!
At the end of the day, I believe with my whole heart that as long as I do what I feel is best for K and commit her to God and do my best to teach her about Him, God will take care of it all and K will grow up a beautiful woman, inside and out.
When we rely on God, He works despite our human shortfalls and weaknesses and makes everything good in the end!
Saturday, May 16, 2015
How I Survived Confinement
Here's another question that is often posted to me: How did you survive confinement without a confinement nanny or a helper?
I always reply half-jokingly that I managed only because of God's mercy and amazing grace.. heehee.
Disclaimer: I am absolutely no expert in this. I only went through it once ever but I just thought I'd share my experience..
When we were expecting K, our first thought was how we were going to handle having a newborn.
I was very sure I didn't want a confinement nanny.
I had heard too many horror stories about how they have a thousand and one rules of what you could and couldn't do in the first month.
We also found out soon enough that employing a confinement nanny was crazy expensive.... so it was time to think about alternatives.
Our first alternative was to have either of our moms help out with the baby...
But my mom was still working full time and even though she offered to stay over for the first month to help as much as she could, I really didn't want to tire her out having her shuttle between her job and my home..
She doesn't drive and the journey from her work to my home was an hour long at the very least.
Q's mom was working part time but stated from the start that she and her helper came as a set.
We didn't have space for two in our tiny flat and I was against staying at their place because I knew I would want the comfort of my own home especially after giving birth.
So that left us with the option of coping on our own.
I rationalised going head first into the unknown by saying to myself: The people in the US don't have confinement nannies... And some of them even stay in a different state from their parents, and they still survive! I was sure I could do this.
Being naive and inexperienced definitely gave way for much blind determination and stubbornness here.
Well God was kind to us (despite my pride and defiance) and we were blessed with a very calm baby K.
I'm not so sure if I would have survived it if she was fussier or more high needs....
But as calm as she was, we still struggled to read K's cues for the first few weeks..
After a (looooong) while, we finally figured it out and got a momentum going.
The first month with our newborn was crazy.
And I mean headless chicken, cow jumping over the moon kind of crazy.
I may have seemed put together and calm and happy but I was running on adrenaline 100% of the time.
Sure, the baby sleeps a lot but I was also getting used to breastfeeding, pumping, meeting our own basic needs, keeping the house reasonably tidy and sanitary all while recovering from a major surgery from just having my body cut open and a baby pulled out from me.
When you have a teeny tiny baby, everything seems daunting.
Stepping out of the house is a careful and calculated affair.
Q and I tried to come across as 'chill parents' and went to Yakun for some toast and eggs when K was only 9 days old.
But the truth was, Yakun was a 5 minute drive away and she was a very good sleeper.
We were also still fresh with adrenaline and had tons of energy even though we didn't have much sleep.
Looking back, I think we were just crazy from being cooped up so long we needed to go out to save our sanity.
When the end of the first month drew near, we could pretty much sleep standing up.
So how did we survive?
There are options to cater confinement food but they come at a hefty price of more than $20 a meal per person.
We opted for normal tingkat which was only about $5 a person and ordered for 3 people.
I kept the leftovers from dinner for lunch the next day.
This is probably a huge no-no for the traditional people but we needed to be frugal so that our savings would last us and hey! I didn't lose a limb in the process, was able to breastfeed (partially at first then fully plus had surplus to store) and K was at 75% in weight all the way.
We looked at paying someone to come in once a week to help with the cleaning but Q's parents offered to help with that.
So my MIL brought her helper over once a week to help with the cleaning.
My dad also came over to help vacuum and mop for a while (I have a super dad who isn't afraid of doing housework).
I did light cleaning the rest of the week.
Q was around for the first 2 weeks so he helped with that too (another super dad).
Friends and family will want to come see the baby.
Grandparents go crazy especially when it is their first grandchild.
K is the first grandchild for both of our parents so you can imagine how insane it was.
But we set boundaries as to when they can visit and it helped a little.
Most people also seem to forget the first month is when the mom is still recovering from pushing a baby out, and in my case, a major surgery.
Husbands, protect your wives and their wellbeing.
Remember that above all, the health and wellbeing of the daddy, mummy and baby takes priority.
Talking about the wellbeing of the mother, postnatal depression is a very real issue and the support that the new mom gets from her husband and people around her is very important. When I say hormones are crazy after giving birth I MEAN crazy. I personally remembered being very hormonal as my body was adjusting and trying to produce milk and needed all the rest I could get.
We tried our best to keep visitors to the minimum but looking back, I think we could have tried harder.
As much as everyone is excited with the new arrival of the baby, I think that the priority for the first month should be the mom and baby.
Everything and everyone else can wait.
Seriously, the mom just spent 9 months growing this baby. I think she deserves a month to be the queen.
They will call and say: 'Do you need help today? I'm free today. I can come.'
But when they do come, they end up just sitting around playing with the baby -.-
Sometimes, they keep the baby from sleeping because they are so eager to play with the baby and you end up with an overtired, cranky baby.
When babies are overtired they don't sleep well. The more tired the baby is, the harder it is for them to sleep. Strange, I know.
So before anything, set expectations.
Newborns are awake for about an hour at the most.
30- 45 minutes is spent drinking the tiny bit of milk.
5 minutes to burp the baby after the feeding,
2 minutes to change the baby's diaper,
And you are left with a grand total of 8 minutes.
That's all the time grandparents or whoever that has come to 'help' has to play with the baby.
That's not a lot of time..
So, we told our parents from the start: When we ask you to come and help, it means to help clean or cook or get groceries. It doesn't mean to come help hold the baby.
And then after telling them, repeated it about 20 more times so it got drilled in.. lol....
Looking back, I would say that I did not survive it on my own.
I had a very supportive husband and help from family.
And even though I say it half jokingly all the time, I truly think that God's grace and mercy played a big part.
I've learnt in the past year that God gives moms extraordinary power when it comes to our kids.
He knows when we need help and sends help, when we need encouragement to send encouragement.
And when our strength comes from God, nothing is impossible.
I always reply half-jokingly that I managed only because of God's mercy and amazing grace.. heehee.
Disclaimer: I am absolutely no expert in this. I only went through it once ever but I just thought I'd share my experience..
When we were expecting K, our first thought was how we were going to handle having a newborn.
I was very sure I didn't want a confinement nanny.
I had heard too many horror stories about how they have a thousand and one rules of what you could and couldn't do in the first month.
We also found out soon enough that employing a confinement nanny was crazy expensive.... so it was time to think about alternatives.
Our first alternative was to have either of our moms help out with the baby...
But my mom was still working full time and even though she offered to stay over for the first month to help as much as she could, I really didn't want to tire her out having her shuttle between her job and my home..
She doesn't drive and the journey from her work to my home was an hour long at the very least.
Q's mom was working part time but stated from the start that she and her helper came as a set.
We didn't have space for two in our tiny flat and I was against staying at their place because I knew I would want the comfort of my own home especially after giving birth.
So that left us with the option of coping on our own.
I rationalised going head first into the unknown by saying to myself: The people in the US don't have confinement nannies... And some of them even stay in a different state from their parents, and they still survive! I was sure I could do this.
Being naive and inexperienced definitely gave way for much blind determination and stubbornness here.
Well God was kind to us (despite my pride and defiance) and we were blessed with a very calm baby K.
I'm not so sure if I would have survived it if she was fussier or more high needs....
But as calm as she was, we still struggled to read K's cues for the first few weeks..
After a (looooong) while, we finally figured it out and got a momentum going.
And I mean headless chicken, cow jumping over the moon kind of crazy.
I may have seemed put together and calm and happy but I was running on adrenaline 100% of the time.
Sure, the baby sleeps a lot but I was also getting used to breastfeeding, pumping, meeting our own basic needs, keeping the house reasonably tidy and sanitary all while recovering from a major surgery from just having my body cut open and a baby pulled out from me.
When you have a teeny tiny baby, everything seems daunting.
Stepping out of the house is a careful and calculated affair.
Q and I tried to come across as 'chill parents' and went to Yakun for some toast and eggs when K was only 9 days old.
But the truth was, Yakun was a 5 minute drive away and she was a very good sleeper.
We were also still fresh with adrenaline and had tons of energy even though we didn't have much sleep.
Looking back, I think we were just crazy from being cooped up so long we needed to go out to save our sanity.
When the end of the first month drew near, we could pretty much sleep standing up.
So how did we survive?
1. Outsource
We had some help for food and major cleaning for the first 3 months.There are options to cater confinement food but they come at a hefty price of more than $20 a meal per person.
We opted for normal tingkat which was only about $5 a person and ordered for 3 people.
I kept the leftovers from dinner for lunch the next day.
This is probably a huge no-no for the traditional people but we needed to be frugal so that our savings would last us and hey! I didn't lose a limb in the process, was able to breastfeed (partially at first then fully plus had surplus to store) and K was at 75% in weight all the way.
We looked at paying someone to come in once a week to help with the cleaning but Q's parents offered to help with that.
So my MIL brought her helper over once a week to help with the cleaning.
My dad also came over to help vacuum and mop for a while (I have a super dad who isn't afraid of doing housework).
I did light cleaning the rest of the week.
Q was around for the first 2 weeks so he helped with that too (another super dad).
2. Set Boundaries and Keep Priorities Clear
There is a lot of excitement around a new baby.Friends and family will want to come see the baby.
Grandparents go crazy especially when it is their first grandchild.
K is the first grandchild for both of our parents so you can imagine how insane it was.
But we set boundaries as to when they can visit and it helped a little.
Most people also seem to forget the first month is when the mom is still recovering from pushing a baby out, and in my case, a major surgery.
Husbands, protect your wives and their wellbeing.
Remember that above all, the health and wellbeing of the daddy, mummy and baby takes priority.
Talking about the wellbeing of the mother, postnatal depression is a very real issue and the support that the new mom gets from her husband and people around her is very important. When I say hormones are crazy after giving birth I MEAN crazy. I personally remembered being very hormonal as my body was adjusting and trying to produce milk and needed all the rest I could get.
We tried our best to keep visitors to the minimum but looking back, I think we could have tried harder.
As much as everyone is excited with the new arrival of the baby, I think that the priority for the first month should be the mom and baby.
Everything and everyone else can wait.
Seriously, the mom just spent 9 months growing this baby. I think she deserves a month to be the queen.
3. Set Expectations
Grandparents love to volunteer to help.They will call and say: 'Do you need help today? I'm free today. I can come.'
But when they do come, they end up just sitting around playing with the baby -.-
Sometimes, they keep the baby from sleeping because they are so eager to play with the baby and you end up with an overtired, cranky baby.
When babies are overtired they don't sleep well. The more tired the baby is, the harder it is for them to sleep. Strange, I know.
So before anything, set expectations.
Newborns are awake for about an hour at the most.
30- 45 minutes is spent drinking the tiny bit of milk.
5 minutes to burp the baby after the feeding,
2 minutes to change the baby's diaper,
And you are left with a grand total of 8 minutes.
That's all the time grandparents or whoever that has come to 'help' has to play with the baby.
That's not a lot of time..
So, we told our parents from the start: When we ask you to come and help, it means to help clean or cook or get groceries. It doesn't mean to come help hold the baby.
And then after telling them, repeated it about 20 more times so it got drilled in.. lol....
Looking back, I would say that I did not survive it on my own.
I had a very supportive husband and help from family.
And even though I say it half jokingly all the time, I truly think that God's grace and mercy played a big part.
I've learnt in the past year that God gives moms extraordinary power when it comes to our kids.
He knows when we need help and sends help, when we need encouragement to send encouragement.
And when our strength comes from God, nothing is impossible.
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Mother's Day!
So today I celebrated my second Mother's Day.
My first was spent in bed with painkillers, antibiotics and a 39+ degree fever.
I was also hooked up to a pump or a baby half the day.
But this year, I am thankful to be out and about and enjoying the day!
We started the day with a really great church service.
Being Mother's Day, they played a couple of videos about moms and the first one left me in tears.
I guess I cried because sometimes I feel like the things I do are taken for granted and it felt like someone finally is starting to recognize all that I have been doing...
The sermon was about how being a mom is a ministry and it was a message for me because even though I have been happy to be a SAHM, I have also still been fighting it a little.
Well, even though technically moms get no breaks, Q treated me to 2 hours of me-time after lunch while he took K home to nap.
I indulged in a little manicure and got my very overworked fingers painted a beautiful ice blue just because I didn't have to keep to 'neutral colours' for a job ;)
But 5 minutes into the appointment, I found fidgety and thinking about how I would much rather be at home with my family.
I texted Q to check on how everything was going.
When he didn't reply, I could only wait patiently and periodically (like every 15 seconds) check my phone to see if he had read my smses.
I found out soon after that K was putting up a fight and refusing to nap.
So through sms, I tried to dole out advice to help Q through the battle.
Finally after 2 hours of fighting, Q and sleep won.
10 minutes later, I was home again. YAY!
I think 'me time' actually is just time to make me miss my family. lol..
We went out for dinner at a super fancy place...................... in a coffee shop a 5 minute drive away. hahaha..
It was super empty.
I guess everyone else was celebrating at fancy restaurants but I was thankful for the quiet and the fact that we didn't have to burn a hole in our pockets for a nice meal.
K was even nice enough to finish her food quickly so the both of us could eat in peace while she tottered around the coffee shop with her post dinner snack in one hand, charming the stall owners with her smile :)
It was just the three of us and it was perfect.
All in all, I had a great Mother's Day.
I even got a little card!
Heehee!
Happy Mother's Day to all moms and moms to be!
Everyday should be Mother's day, but I guess it can't be because we have to be nice and leave some days for fathers too ;)
My first was spent in bed with painkillers, antibiotics and a 39+ degree fever.
I was also hooked up to a pump or a baby half the day.
But this year, I am thankful to be out and about and enjoying the day!
We started the day with a really great church service.
Being Mother's Day, they played a couple of videos about moms and the first one left me in tears.
I guess I cried because sometimes I feel like the things I do are taken for granted and it felt like someone finally is starting to recognize all that I have been doing...
The sermon was about how being a mom is a ministry and it was a message for me because even though I have been happy to be a SAHM, I have also still been fighting it a little.
Well, even though technically moms get no breaks, Q treated me to 2 hours of me-time after lunch while he took K home to nap.
I indulged in a little manicure and got my very overworked fingers painted a beautiful ice blue just because I didn't have to keep to 'neutral colours' for a job ;)
But 5 minutes into the appointment, I found fidgety and thinking about how I would much rather be at home with my family.
I texted Q to check on how everything was going.
When he didn't reply, I could only wait patiently and periodically (like every 15 seconds) check my phone to see if he had read my smses.
I found out soon after that K was putting up a fight and refusing to nap.
So through sms, I tried to dole out advice to help Q through the battle.
Finally after 2 hours of fighting, Q and sleep won.
10 minutes later, I was home again. YAY!
I think 'me time' actually is just time to make me miss my family. lol..
We went out for dinner at a super fancy place...................... in a coffee shop a 5 minute drive away. hahaha..
It was super empty.
I guess everyone else was celebrating at fancy restaurants but I was thankful for the quiet and the fact that we didn't have to burn a hole in our pockets for a nice meal.
K was even nice enough to finish her food quickly so the both of us could eat in peace while she tottered around the coffee shop with her post dinner snack in one hand, charming the stall owners with her smile :)
It was just the three of us and it was perfect.
All in all, I had a great Mother's Day.
I even got a little card!
Heehee!
Happy Mother's Day to all moms and moms to be!
Everyday should be Mother's day, but I guess it can't be because we have to be nice and leave some days for fathers too ;)
Saturday, May 9, 2015
A Typical Day of a SAHM with a 6 month old
K's schedule became much more stable and predictable, she was sleeping through the night and we had fallen into a comfortable routine.
Schedule as according to 29th October 2014 (exactly 6 months)
7am: Wake up and pump
- shower
- put laundry to wash and start cycle
- eat breakfast
- do QT
- hang laundry
9.30am: Baby wakes up
- Warm up milk
9.45am: Feed baby (no need to burp anymore because by this time, K has learnt how to burp on her own)
- Change baby
10am: Leave K to occupy herself on the mat/bouncer while I continue with housework
- Go back once in a while to check on her and play with her
11.10am: Put K down for her nap (by this time she has also learnt to sleep on her own so no need for rocking endlessly. YAY!)
- Have lunch
- Pump
12.40pm: Baby wakes up.
- Play with K for a while
- Warm up milk
- Play with K while milk warms up
1.20pm: Feed K
- 1 bottle and a tablespoon of solids
- After food, change her diaper
- Leave her on her own to play
2.25pm: K goes down for her 2nd nap
- pump
- Me time (I usually take a short nap too)
3:55pm: K wakes up
- Play with K for a while
- Warm up milk
- Play with K while milk warms up
4.40pm: Feed K
- Put her in the high chair while I prepare dinner
6.30pm: Daddy comes home and takes over occupying K
- I take my warm shower and pump
7.10pm: Daddy feeds K her last bottle
7.30pm: K takes her bath
7.50pm: Bedtime for K
As you can see, K becomes a little more independent and she can occupy herself a little more.
I felt that we were super blessed with a baby who slept very well. K went to bed around 8pm every night and only woke up around 9am every morning so we could get some time to ourselves every night and I could get a good 2 hours every morning to have a nice breakfast, do QT every morning and finish some housework.
I also get a little more time to myself to indulge in a CSI episode or two while she naps or occupies herself :)
I wouldn't say that ALL babies get easier at 6 months but it seems that is the general age when life gets easier for MOST.
By then, I have also 'conditioned' my breasts to only need pumping every 4-6 hours without the threat of them bursting so it gives me a little more buffer time to get to the pump without feeling uncomfortable.
I would say that 6-9months was the sweet spot for me.
She was independent enough to occupy herself and not yet too mobile that I would need to keep a close watch on her.
She was also a very contented baby (I believe the key is to not overly occupy them in the first 6 months so they learn to keep themselves occupied) and could go for a good 20 mins just doing her own thing.
That was good enough for me to do the prep for dinner or to go to the toilet.
Another thing that played a huge role was sleep training.
But I'll save that for another post :)
So, that is the life of a SAHM with a 6 month old!
Half a year is a long time but also a very short time when you look at the big picture.
Would I go through it all again? hmmm......
Guess we'll have to wait and see ;)
Monday, May 4, 2015
A Typical Day for a SAHM of a 3 month old
I thought it would be interesting to start this series of 'A Typical Day for a SAHM of a...' just to give a clearer picture of what it is like to be a Stay At Home Mom...
And also to remind me how much work it is to have a baby at home when I get the itch for another one.. hahaha..
Even though so many people have already said that being a SAHM is actually a lot of work, I still hear comments like: 'Just ask (insert name) to do it. She is a SAHM. She should have the time'.
I cringe and silently scowl at the individual who says that.
Then I realised soon after that I say it myself.
I tell people 'Oh. Let me do that. I don't have a job anyway and have more time.'.
NOT TRUE!
Anyway, I kept logs of when K slept and when I fed and changed her from birth till she was 9 months (I am OCD if you still don't know) so this is going to be pretty accurate ;)
So here is a typical day with a 3 month old (taken from K's sleep, eat and poop diary on the 31st of July 2015)...
2am-2.35am: Baby wakes up for feed, Feed and burp baby
2.35am: change diaper and put to bed
2.40am-3.15am: Pump milk
3.20am-7am: Sleep
7am-7.35am: Pump milk
7.40am-8am: baby still asleep so shower and have breakfast
8am: Baby wakes up. Heat up milk bottle and soothe baby while we wait for bottle to warm up.
8.10am-8.45am: Feed and burp baby
8.45am: Change diaper
8.50am-9.25am: rock baby to sleep
9.25am-10.05am: house chores
10.05am-11.10am: baby wakes up so take baby and rock again to sleep (yes, for that long!)
11.10am-11.40am: Quickly pump milk and pray baby stays asleep long enough for a full pump
11.40am-12.15pm: baby wakes up but hasn't slept much so try to rock again to sleep... but give up soon after since it is time for her next feed.
12.15pm: heat up milk
12.25pm-1pm: Feed and burp baby
1pm: change diaper
1.05pm-1.20pm: Rock baby to sleep
1.20-2.15pm: LUNCH (so hungry). Then resume chores.
2.15pm-4.15pm: Baby wakes up, rock again to sleep and repeat 4-5 times. Try to squeeze in a quick pump or two so that breast doesn't get engorged.
4.20pm: give up since it is time for next feed, heat up milk
4.30pm-5.05pm: Feed and burp baby
5.05pm: change diaper
5.10pm-5.45pm: rock baby to sleep
5.45pm-6.30pm: Prep and cook dinner
6.30pm: HUSBAND IS HOME! HALLELUJAH!
6.30pm-7.10pm: Dinner and short down time
7.10pm-8pm: Daddy takes care of baby, plays with baby while mummy takes a nice hot shower and pumps a nice long pump.
8pm: Heat up bottle
8.10pm-8.35pm: Feed, burp, change.
8.40pm: Put baby to sleep and go to bed.
When she was a newborn, it was impossible to do anything but feed and try to put baby to sleep and pump in between.
3 months was when things were actually a little less crazy because K was only feeding 4 times a day and the rest was sleeping.
Babies 1-6 months need a lot sleep and also a lot of help to sleep.
And the result of that is very little time to do stuff that I want to do even though she only fed 4 times a day.
I didn't even get time to nap in the day so I was really thankful that by then K slept a good amount at night, allowing me to get a decent amount of sleep too!
If I could ever squeeze a 20 minute nap somewhere in the day, it would be considered an extremely good day.
I did give K a bit of time here and there on her own to learn how to occupy herself but the reality is that babies at this age don't stay awake for long so the amount of time spent 'on her own' was about 5-10 minutes here and there.
The schedule might look a little less packed for exclusive breastfeeding or exclusive formula moms but I was exclusively pumping so most of my 'free time' was spent attached to the pump.
But even if you don't count the pumping times, there were lots of other things to do.
I didn't include things like washing and sterilising bottles and bathing baby because I can't really remember where I managed to squeeze those in. hahaha..
And there were other small things like trimming baby's nails which usually took at least half an hour because babies are very wriggly, as well as my own toilet needs (the key to a quick trip is regular probiotics).
Then there were also other things like grandparents trying to come and visit or asking us to go out for a meal over the weekends, etc... kill me now.
My mantra throughout this period was 'this too shall pass'.
I just kept looking forward and reminding myself that babies don't stay babies forever.
They eventually stay awake for longer, their sleep gets more regulated, they also pick up skills along the way that help them to be more independent.
And true enough, time flew by and my baby is no longer a baby! *CRYYYYY*
It is a bittersweet feeling when your baby no longer needs you that much to function through the day.
Stay tuned for a typical day for a SAHM of a 6 month old! ;)
Saturday, May 2, 2015
K is One!
Designed by Talented Adele Lee
Poem by Talented Q
K turned one a few days ago and we just had her first birthday party yesterday.
I have to say I really respect moms who can organize parties every year for their kids.
Being totally new to this kid's birthday thing, we were a little unsure about what to do for K's first birthday.
We wanted to keep it small and simple inviting just the people who were closest to us.
But along the way, our guest list grew and grew and the small party turned into a huge one.
We were so thankful my parents were able to secure the function room and BBQ area of their condo so we didn't have to worry if people would be able to fit in our tiny flat.
There were so many more people we wanted to invite but we just had to draw the line somewhere before we had to move the party from the function room of a condo to a full on hotel ballroom!
With so many people expected to come for our party, I started to get a bit anxious about the amount of presents K might be getting. She already had so many toys and clothes and books from generous friends that have passed on their children's favourites to us that we really couldn't imagine any more. While I was stressing about it one day, it dawned upon me that there were so many kids so much less fortunate than K in the world. And what better time than K's first birthday to do something to help these kids? So that night after putting our little one to bed, Q and I spent the next 3 hours researching children's charities. We found a handful and finally settled on SOS children's villages. This was mainly because the charity's main work is to help children who really don't have a home and all the comforts that K has. I personally liked how they made family the main focus of their intervention by intentionally creating homes for homeless children and providing a father and mother figure for kids without parents. We also liked how they were very transparent about how they used their funds so we could be sure that a large portion of what we donate will impact the kids directly. We were really, really happy to see our jar full of red packets of blessings for these children.
This one year has not only been the best time of our lives seeing our baby grow, it has also been a huge journey of learning for me. I have been humbled time and time again by the generosity and love of the people around us. I have also been blessed to witness God's providing hand at work. I have never prayed more than in this past year. I have also never felt more love and support from the people around me.
I am now looking forward to the day K is old enough to understand, so that I can tell her about all the wonderful people who have helped to make her first birthday extra extra special. Thank you, once again to everyone who has been a blessing to us in one way or another. You guys comfort me knowing that even though the world is becoming uglier each day, there is still much beauty around.. especially around our little K :)
Thursday, April 23, 2015
My Baby's Walking!
Yesterday at about 6.40pm, K walked right across the room without any support.
She has been taking one or two tiny steps on her own for a while now and I knew it was going to happen but nothing prepared me for when it really happened.
I was there when she sat up on her own for the first time.
I was there when she started crawling with her belly off the floor.
I was also there when she first pulled herself up to stand.
But there is NOTHING that can compare to seeing her walk those 10 steps all by herself.
I screamed, I cheered and clapped, I picked her up and swung her around and around and covered her with kisses and praise, then suddenly, I started to cry.
My baby is growing up, and growing up too quickly.
She's becoming more and more independent every day and it's going too fast for me.
Just a couple of days ago, K would crawl around chasing me, whining till I helped her to stand and held her hand while she walked circles around the house.
I thought to myself: oh man.. I can't wait till she walks on her own so I don't have to keep doing this.
Kicking myself for saying that now.
Today she is practicing her new skill.
She will pull herself up to stand, reach out for my hand, orientate herself and then release my hand after the first couple of steps to continue on her journey alone, her palms would be planted firmly on her tummy, as if to tell me: 'Don't even try to hold me, mummy! I can do this on my own!'
SOB!
She will still hold my hand for the entire journey occasionally, but only to lead me to where she wants me to plant myself before turning to go off exploring again.
Once in a while, she would pick out a book from her toy box and hand it to me, crawl into my lap and wait till I read with her.
I am cherishing every moment she still wants to be close to me.
I am cherishing every moment she still holds on to me because I know that very soon, she would be squirming away from my outstretched arms, refusing stay close and hold on...
Right. I think I need some chocolate now ;)
She has been taking one or two tiny steps on her own for a while now and I knew it was going to happen but nothing prepared me for when it really happened.
I was there when she sat up on her own for the first time.
I was there when she started crawling with her belly off the floor.
I was also there when she first pulled herself up to stand.
But there is NOTHING that can compare to seeing her walk those 10 steps all by herself.
I screamed, I cheered and clapped, I picked her up and swung her around and around and covered her with kisses and praise, then suddenly, I started to cry.
My baby is growing up, and growing up too quickly.
She's becoming more and more independent every day and it's going too fast for me.
Just a couple of days ago, K would crawl around chasing me, whining till I helped her to stand and held her hand while she walked circles around the house.
I thought to myself: oh man.. I can't wait till she walks on her own so I don't have to keep doing this.
Kicking myself for saying that now.
Today she is practicing her new skill.
She will pull herself up to stand, reach out for my hand, orientate herself and then release my hand after the first couple of steps to continue on her journey alone, her palms would be planted firmly on her tummy, as if to tell me: 'Don't even try to hold me, mummy! I can do this on my own!'
SOB!
She will still hold my hand for the entire journey occasionally, but only to lead me to where she wants me to plant myself before turning to go off exploring again.
Once in a while, she would pick out a book from her toy box and hand it to me, crawl into my lap and wait till I read with her.
I am cherishing every moment she still wants to be close to me.
I am cherishing every moment she still holds on to me because I know that very soon, she would be squirming away from my outstretched arms, refusing stay close and hold on...
Right. I think I need some chocolate now ;)
Monday, April 20, 2015
Being a stay at home mom
I have been a stay at home mom for almost a year.
At 29 years of age, many of my peers are still working, having the financial freedom of buying almost anything they fancy.
I on the other hand spend my time on Carousell selling items, drawing out meal plans to budget groceries and looking out for diaper deals.
A lot of soon to be moms have asked me how we managed to survive on a single income, especially since Q is not some senior vice president, and in actual fact just switched careers just before we were expecting K.
Q also pretty much took a 2 year step back in income when he switched to his current job.
Well, the original plan was for me to stay home for 4 months then we would find some way for me to go back to work.
During the few months leading up to that, we saved as much as we could so that we could survive those 4 months.
I am very used to spending very little and saving a huge part of my income (Thanks to my parents who taught me to save since young)
So even before we had K, I had already saved quite a bit.
That actually came in useful when I decided not to return to work after the 4 months were up.
When we got married, Q and I looked into investing our savings as a family right away to prepare for that rainy day.
Little did we know, that rainy day wasn't that far away.
I actually worked part time while taking care of K for about 6 months. I worked 3 days a week and brought home a small income.
That helped quite a bit, especially since K switched from breastmilk to formula at 7 months.
But when she turned 10 months, I found myself truly unemployed and a true blue stay home mom.
THAT was when it got really tough.
On a daily basis, I cook a lot.
Eating at home became the norm for us.
Mostly because there really wasn't time to go out for a meal after Q came home from work.
But we chose to have home cooked food over even da paoed food because it was actually cheaper.
Weekends were spent making stew and freezing them in preparation for days where I was so busy I didn't have time to prepare dinner.
We also invested in cookware that allowed me to prep before hand and set a timer for when I wanted things to be done.
Having a couple of handy tools like these helped make food prep much less daunting and significantly reduced the temptation of just eating out.
We also have a house rule: Restaurant food only once a week.
This rule is much tougher than it seems!
We were used to eating at restaurants whenever we were out, mostly because that's where highchairs are a guarantee.
But after we set that rule and found ourselves at foodcourts more often, we realised that many foodcourts now also provide highchairs!
To make things tougher, our definition of 'restaurants' meant anywhere where we had to spend more than $10 in total to feed the both of us (we love to make things difficult for ourselves).
So to Q's dismay, that meant that MacDs was also considered a 'restaurant'.
Life now is tougher.
But this experience also brings the meaning of 'for richer or poorer' to a whole new level :)
I am so thankful for Q and it really comforts me to know that we are really both here for the long haul.
If you ask me now if I would trade having a baby for financial freedom?
Definitely not.
Would I put K into a childcare now and work at least part time since she is already one?
As we prepare to celebrate her first birthday, I realise that I am probably not going to do that either.
I am so thankful Q allowed me to stay home with K entirely for the first year and shouldered the responsibility of bring home the bacon (or spam).
I am so thankful I was the one who taught her her first word, witnessed her first laugh, saw her progression from laying down to sitting up to crawling to pulling to stand and now starting to take her first steps.
I am so thankful I have been able to be there for every fall, every cry, every struggle.
She is growing at an exponential pace and I wouldn't give up witnessing any milestone for a more comfortable life.
It also doesn't make sense for me to go out and nurture other people's kids and miss out on my own child's developmental milestones.
So for now, I'm happy right where I am :)
At 29 years of age, many of my peers are still working, having the financial freedom of buying almost anything they fancy.
I on the other hand spend my time on Carousell selling items, drawing out meal plans to budget groceries and looking out for diaper deals.
A lot of soon to be moms have asked me how we managed to survive on a single income, especially since Q is not some senior vice president, and in actual fact just switched careers just before we were expecting K.
Q also pretty much took a 2 year step back in income when he switched to his current job.
Well, the original plan was for me to stay home for 4 months then we would find some way for me to go back to work.
During the few months leading up to that, we saved as much as we could so that we could survive those 4 months.
I am very used to spending very little and saving a huge part of my income (Thanks to my parents who taught me to save since young)
So even before we had K, I had already saved quite a bit.
That actually came in useful when I decided not to return to work after the 4 months were up.
When we got married, Q and I looked into investing our savings as a family right away to prepare for that rainy day.
Little did we know, that rainy day wasn't that far away.
I actually worked part time while taking care of K for about 6 months. I worked 3 days a week and brought home a small income.
That helped quite a bit, especially since K switched from breastmilk to formula at 7 months.
But when she turned 10 months, I found myself truly unemployed and a true blue stay home mom.
THAT was when it got really tough.
On a daily basis, I cook a lot.
Eating at home became the norm for us.
Mostly because there really wasn't time to go out for a meal after Q came home from work.
But we chose to have home cooked food over even da paoed food because it was actually cheaper.
Weekends were spent making stew and freezing them in preparation for days where I was so busy I didn't have time to prepare dinner.
We also invested in cookware that allowed me to prep before hand and set a timer for when I wanted things to be done.
Having a couple of handy tools like these helped make food prep much less daunting and significantly reduced the temptation of just eating out.
We also have a house rule: Restaurant food only once a week.
This rule is much tougher than it seems!
We were used to eating at restaurants whenever we were out, mostly because that's where highchairs are a guarantee.
But after we set that rule and found ourselves at foodcourts more often, we realised that many foodcourts now also provide highchairs!
To make things tougher, our definition of 'restaurants' meant anywhere where we had to spend more than $10 in total to feed the both of us (we love to make things difficult for ourselves).
So to Q's dismay, that meant that MacDs was also considered a 'restaurant'.
Life now is tougher.
But this experience also brings the meaning of 'for richer or poorer' to a whole new level :)
I am so thankful for Q and it really comforts me to know that we are really both here for the long haul.
If you ask me now if I would trade having a baby for financial freedom?
Definitely not.
Would I put K into a childcare now and work at least part time since she is already one?
As we prepare to celebrate her first birthday, I realise that I am probably not going to do that either.
I am so thankful Q allowed me to stay home with K entirely for the first year and shouldered the responsibility of bring home the bacon (or spam).
I am so thankful I was the one who taught her her first word, witnessed her first laugh, saw her progression from laying down to sitting up to crawling to pulling to stand and now starting to take her first steps.
I am so thankful I have been able to be there for every fall, every cry, every struggle.
She is growing at an exponential pace and I wouldn't give up witnessing any milestone for a more comfortable life.
It also doesn't make sense for me to go out and nurture other people's kids and miss out on my own child's developmental milestones.
So for now, I'm happy right where I am :)
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Perspective
I've been a stay home mom for a year.
Well, not entirely 100%.
I worked 3 days a week for about 7 months?
But now I'm back to being a full on stay at home mom.
This gives me a lot of time to think about stuff.. especially when K is using me as a human beanbag.
So much has happened and yet so little has happened in this year.
I have come to realise that in this phase of my life, I have so little time that is actually mine alone.
So much of my time now is just taking care of K and Q... and the house.
And with the little time that I have, you are forced to make careful decisions on how you spend your time.
And so I've come to realise what is really important to me and what isn't.
I've also come to realise who my true friends are and who aren't.
Not having a lot of time means not being able to meet up.
And some people disappear, while others check in once in a while to keep the friendship going.
It's not like I died or had a great tragedy, but it really shows who cares enough to make the effort to keep the friendship going... especially when I get so busy I don't have the time to be the initiator.
I also have learnt to choose my battles.
And believe me, there have been tons of battles.
I just can't and won't fight all of them.
Actually, most of the time I just walk away from them.
I only fight the battles I actually care about.
I have also realised that some people just love to create drama.
And many people think that the world owes them their life.
I'm sorry but that is not reality and this is actually one of the things I just turn and walk away from most of the time.
This year, I choose to surround myself only with people who genuinely care and I genuinely love.
To live happy and drama free :)
Well, not entirely 100%.
I worked 3 days a week for about 7 months?
But now I'm back to being a full on stay at home mom.
This gives me a lot of time to think about stuff.. especially when K is using me as a human beanbag.
So much has happened and yet so little has happened in this year.
I have come to realise that in this phase of my life, I have so little time that is actually mine alone.
So much of my time now is just taking care of K and Q... and the house.
And with the little time that I have, you are forced to make careful decisions on how you spend your time.
And so I've come to realise what is really important to me and what isn't.
I've also come to realise who my true friends are and who aren't.
Not having a lot of time means not being able to meet up.
And some people disappear, while others check in once in a while to keep the friendship going.
It's not like I died or had a great tragedy, but it really shows who cares enough to make the effort to keep the friendship going... especially when I get so busy I don't have the time to be the initiator.
I also have learnt to choose my battles.
And believe me, there have been tons of battles.
I just can't and won't fight all of them.
Actually, most of the time I just walk away from them.
I only fight the battles I actually care about.
I have also realised that some people just love to create drama.
And many people think that the world owes them their life.
I'm sorry but that is not reality and this is actually one of the things I just turn and walk away from most of the time.
This year, I choose to surround myself only with people who genuinely care and I genuinely love.
To live happy and drama free :)
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Almost A Year!
Wow.
Time flies.
And I have been so inconsistent with this blogging thing...
So much has happened in the past week.
Singapore's first prime minister has passed away.
I have also officially lost my job.
So now, I am no longer a working and staying at home mom, I am just simply a stay at home mom.
I am kinda getting bored though....
I am looking to see where to go from here and am kinda excited because the possibilities are endless!
K is turning in less than a month.
She is so much more interactive now, having little 'conversations' with us...
She also likes to imitate the things Q and I do and make us laugh :)
She is becoming more and more independent too!
She went from crawling to now walking around with some support.
The other day, she took about 3 steps with no support at all, so the independent walking is definitely very very near.
BOO.
My baby is no longer going to be a baby!!
I really have to say that I have been very blessed to have had K.
She has been the most amazing baby ever.
She hardly ever cried (in comparison to others) and has always been a good natured child.
She sleeps well, eats well and plays well with others.
She is so friendly and is always smiling at people and waves to say hi.
Even when she started having stranger anxiety, she never cried or through a huge fit when strangers carried her.
Only once, when she was really ill with fever did she become super clingy and not want to leave my arms.
Now that K has set such a high standard, I'm a little scared to have a second child.
How would a second one compare!
We already had an angel baby, the second one would most likely tend toward the norm and not be so angelic....
But I guess one can also say that since K is such a great kid, having a second one should be easier than if K was already a handful ;)
We'll see!
Now, I'm in the midst of planning K's first birthday :)
It is definitely more a party for me than for her! hahaha...
So thankful for A who has helped me with the invites and brainstorming for the party even though she has her own hands full.
Can't wait to celebrate my little perfect bundle of joy <3 p="">
Time flies.
And I have been so inconsistent with this blogging thing...
So much has happened in the past week.
Singapore's first prime minister has passed away.
I have also officially lost my job.
So now, I am no longer a working and staying at home mom, I am just simply a stay at home mom.
I am kinda getting bored though....
I am looking to see where to go from here and am kinda excited because the possibilities are endless!
K is turning in less than a month.
She is so much more interactive now, having little 'conversations' with us...
She also likes to imitate the things Q and I do and make us laugh :)
She is becoming more and more independent too!
She went from crawling to now walking around with some support.
The other day, she took about 3 steps with no support at all, so the independent walking is definitely very very near.
BOO.
My baby is no longer going to be a baby!!
I really have to say that I have been very blessed to have had K.
She has been the most amazing baby ever.
She hardly ever cried (in comparison to others) and has always been a good natured child.
She sleeps well, eats well and plays well with others.
She is so friendly and is always smiling at people and waves to say hi.
Even when she started having stranger anxiety, she never cried or through a huge fit when strangers carried her.
Only once, when she was really ill with fever did she become super clingy and not want to leave my arms.
Now that K has set such a high standard, I'm a little scared to have a second child.
How would a second one compare!
We already had an angel baby, the second one would most likely tend toward the norm and not be so angelic....
But I guess one can also say that since K is such a great kid, having a second one should be easier than if K was already a handful ;)
We'll see!
Now, I'm in the midst of planning K's first birthday :)
It is definitely more a party for me than for her! hahaha...
So thankful for A who has helped me with the invites and brainstorming for the party even though she has her own hands full.
Can't wait to celebrate my little perfect bundle of joy <3 p="">
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