Surviving the first three months of being a SAHM to two

I thought I had this in the bag.
I really did.
The first few weeks were really a breeze, mostly because Q took 3 weeks off work and during those weeks we each handled one child so it didn't feel that much different from what my life was before.
The day came when Q went back to work and I was left alone at home with the two.
'Not too bad', I thought.
My parents came a few times a week in the afternoons to help entertain Katelyn and sometimes even help me with N.
So to say I was with zero help would be highly inaccurate.
I still managed to keep up with most of the housework, the laundry and even cook dinner most nights.
Everything went fine and was pretty much manageable until somewhere just before N turned 2 months.
At around 6 weeks, the baby goes through a growth spurt.
This meant increased fussiness, which in turn meant increased frustration on my part.
I was nursing every 1-2 hrs, night and day.
I was sleep deprived, N was having reflux so I was also almost always covered in vomit, and K started to feel neglected and her tantrums began.
To be honest, if I only had N to deal with it wouldn't have been this bad.
But now I also had the needs of a toddler to meet on top of the increased needs of the newborn..
I was stretched thin...
When Q came home, I would report how long I have been walking around with puke down my shirt, how many poop blowouts I had to deal with, and how long the rocking to sleep marathons were that day.
There were days I would just sit and cry for a while after Q left for work because it just felt so overwhelming.
There were days I would have K pulling at my leg screaming for attention while I was trying to rock N to sleep.
There were also days I would be in the bedroom covered in vomit and trying to clean up the vomit from the floor, only to hear the clattering of K's freshly prepared meal on the floor outside.
There were also days I would just sit on the floor, holding N in one hand and K in the other and just sob because I was at the end of my tether.
It. Was. Not. Easy.

But some things helped me through the tough months... and without them, I would have probably gone mental.. literally.

1. My Husband
I cannot express how blessed I am to have Q as my husband.
I read about husbands who don't help or think because the wife is a SAHM that she should handle the kids all the time anyway.
Q wakes up at 6.30am to help with whatever he can before he leaves for work at 8am and then comes home and 'forces' me to rest and relax.
On nights when N was being particularly fussy, he would get up and attend to the baby without any nudging from me.
There was one week when I felt absolutely overwhelmed, he took a day off and brought K out to the nearby pool for a swim.
Before he left, he even helped to rock N to sleep so I didn't even have to do that and could just sit and rest.
I can say with absolute certainty that if I didn't have Q, I wouldn't have done well at all.

2. Keeping things in perspective
It's very tough to do this.
When you are in the middle of all the chaos, it is hard to think of anything other than how overwhelming the chaos is.
But once I made it a point to remember that all this chaos is very temporary, it made things just a bit better.
I have to be honest and say it didn't make everything magically okay but it did help me to get through each day.
The mantra every new Mom is given: 'This too shall pass' never ran through my mind more than when I was in the midst of the chaos.

3. It's okay to have limitations
When both kids were screaming at the same time, I used to get so flustered.
I often just stood rooted for a moment in shock, not knowing where to start and who to help first and how to calm both of them.
One day when K was having a tantrum and I was helping her through it, N suddenly woke up midnap and started screaming.
At that moment, I couldn't leave K as she still needed my support and help so I had to try my best to ignore N's cries for a while to focus on K.
After taking that 5 minutes to calm K and settle her, I quickly got up to go attend to N.
While I walked to his room, I realised that he somehow managed to resettle himself and went back to sleep.
That was when I realised that I don't have to be a super mom, saving them immediately all the time.
Just as I am learning to be a Mom to two, they are also learning what life is like now as a new family of four.

4. Find what brings you joy
When I had K, I would guzzle chocolate because it was my way of dealing with stress and rewarding myself for getting through the day.
With N, I had to cut out dairy when he was a month old because he was super gassy so that meant no chocolate.
I couldn't even have a cup of Milo to start the day :(
It was so difficult! It felt like I was sacrificing everything to be a Mom.. I was already sleep deprived, I couldn't do things whenever I wanted to, I couldn't even have a moment to myself till Q came home and took over.
And now to add to everything, I also couldn't eat what I wanted to.
And everything I love had dairy.
I would drink a carton of milk a day.
Chocolate had dairy, ice cream had dairy, cake had dairy, cookies often also had dairy.
I also didn't have any time to do what I loved doing, housework.
It felt like nothing would bring me joy anymore.
So after wallowing in self pity for a while, I decided to find something I could have and I would enjoy...
I found a little gummy with a liquid centre that I really liked, so now there is a box in the fridge that will remain permanently filled with that gummy.
As the mantra goes: this too shall pass.
Now that N is older and his gut has matured some, I can now slowly reintroduce dairy into my diet.
I'm still on a Low dairy diet but it feels nice to have an occasional bite of cake or a nibble of chocolate again.
I also sneak in a quick wipe down here and there when the kids are settled and happy, even if I only have 2 minutes to do that.

5. Pray, pray and then pray.
I can say with absolute certainty that I have never prayed more in my entire life.
When N was colicky and couldn't be settled, you could be sure I was chanting prayer after prayer under my breath.
When K was throwing a tantrum, I would pray for wisdom to know how to handle it properly and help her.
The more tired I was, the more fervent my prayers.
I found the beauty in letting go and letting God take control.
The pressure of things going well no longer is on you.
When I learnt to trust that everything is in God's hands and that He will make things good in His time, I felt much much better.
There was also definitely a prayer with every breakthrough.
Every time the kids went down for their nap without much of a struggle, there would be a loud prayer of thanksgiving. hahaha.. Especially if their naps coincided!

So after struggling through the first three months, what do I have to say to future moms of two?
All the best. Your life is over. hahaha.. JUST KIDDING!
1. The first three months will be crazy but you will be okay. You might often smell of sour milk, have a strange yellow smear somewhere on your clothing and a wet patch where your baby's bum was just resting but it will get better. I promise.

2. Get help when you need it. When you feel you can't breathe, call someone and ask them to come in even for an hour or two.. it helps.

3. Sometimes, it will feel like you are a complete failure and you feel like crying all the time. It's normal. Know that things are constantly changing. Your newborn will not stay a newborn. They will grow more and more independent as each day, week and month passes. And even though there are ups and downs, the general trajectory is up. So one day, things will be good and you will be so high up that the downs no longer feel like much of a down (if you get what I mean..)

4. Lastly, invest in a robot vacuum. It really helps when you don't have any time to clean but your floors stay clean so you don't feel so bad you aren't getting any housework done. It is worth it.

N is now 3 months and a week.
He has fallen into somewhat of a more predictable schedule and is feeding only about once every 4 hours.
His naps are still a bit iffy but they are definitely much better than before.
I still have my bad days but they don't feel as bad any more.
I'm slowly starting to enjoy being a SAHM again and look forward to the day I can return to deep cleaning my house weekly! :)